


You're The Best Part of Me

by malecnificenttyrus11



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Car Accidents, Different Meeting, Friends to Lovers, In Your Eyes-AU, Love Victor AU, Supportive!Victor, Telepathy, Venji AU, childhood 'friends' - Freeform, insecure!victor, slowburn, supportive!benji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 70,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecnificenttyrus11/pseuds/malecnificenttyrus11
Summary: Victor Salazar and Benji Campbell live two completely different lives, in two completely different places. Both have their insecurities, their reservations, and feel as though they've never really been SEEN before. An accident ends up bonding these two strangers who lives turn out not to be much different, leading to a strange mental connection between the two. They can hear eachother's thoughts, can see through the other's eyes...feel what the other feels both physically and emotionally, although they've never crossed paths. Despite the overwhelming feeling of being alone in their respective lives, they manage to not only bring some strange sort of comfort to eachother, but also fall for eachother along the way. What happens when fate brings them together in person? Is their connection fate, destiny?
Relationships: Victor Salazar & Benji Campbell, Victor Salazar/Benji Campbell
Comments: 36
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

Victor can't pinpoint the exact moment that it started. 

Despite feeling lonely...isolated and different his entire life, he always felt like he wasn't so alone. There wasn't a physical presence around him, but it felt as though it came from inside him.

Victor heard it all before...how it's normal for little kids to have imaginary friends that they played with and talked to...but this wasn't that. 

_ This was different...real. _

It would happen at the most random times, and he usually never thought much of it. He'd be completely alone, and hear what sounded like far-off, distant voices coming from inside his mind. He'd be in school, or basketball practice, or family dinner and then suddenly...he wasn't there anymore. He'd look around and see the faint, blurred image of a distant, unfamiliar place overlapping his current destination. Sometimes, he'd even see unfamiliar people...faces that he couldn't put a name to.

Since he was a little boy at the time it started happening, he didn't think too far into it. Maybe that it was just his vivid imagination, or maybe he was just daydreaming...like he often did to escape the stress of his home life. He thought that maybe, it was just all in his head.

And then one day, years later...everything changed.

**VICTOR POV: 11 years old**

One minute Victor was on a roll, shooting and scoring basket after basket, absorbing the deafening, uproarious applause of the crowd seated in the stands around him...and in the next he was on the ground, a sharp stabbing pain in his head and vision blurred around the edges.

He could hear distant voices calling out to him, could see the blurred faces surrounding him...and then, as he started to give in to the darkness, he heard voices in his mind speaking as clear as day. 

** Benjamin, what do you think you're doing! Get off the ground now!  **

** Call 9-1-1! He's hurt! **

Victor doesn't recognize the voices, and can't bring himself to try and figure out where they are coming from before the darkness consumes him.

~

Victor opens his eyes, blinking rapidly as he tries to adjust to the bright light around him. He groans, cringing away from the blinding brightness of the light that further irritates the dull throb in his head, closing his eyes and shifting uncomfortably. 

**Benjamin! Boys don't cry over headaches. Finish your dinner and go to your room.**

Victor's eyes snap open, immediately glancing around to take in his surroundings. He appears to be in a hospital room, and he's alone.

_ Where are those voices coming from? _

Another shooting pain goes through his head, interrupting his drifting thoughts. He groans again, bringing his hands up to massage away the unbearable ache in his temples.

The sound of a door opening, followed by footsteps grabs his attention. He turns in the direction of the suddenly loud, overpowering noise to see his parents.

"Oh, mi amor! You're awake!" His mother cries out, rushing over to his bedside and reaching a hand out to brush the hair away from his forehead.

Victor leans into the touch, "What...what happened?" 

She frowns, continuing to move her hand through his hair in a soothing motion, "You got hurt during your game. Took a basketball to the back of the head...knocked you right out."

It all comes back to Victor in a flash...the cheers of the crowd, his team being far ahead of the visiting team...mostly thanks to him, and then something hard hitting him in the back of the head, knocking him face first into the gymnasium floor.

_unfamiliar voices_.

After that it gets fuzzy...he vaguely remembers his coach and team swarming over him, voices distantly calling out to him, hands poking and prodding him, and then...

Darkness.

Victor later finds out that he ended up with a Grade 3 Concussion. He'd have to be benched from basketball for a few weeks while he recovered. It was disappointing to say the least, beings that basketball was his escape from the stress of his everyday life. 

~

** BENJI POV: 12 years old **

Benji lays on his bed staring up at the ceiling, anxiety stirring in the pit of his stomach. 

He wasn't sure what happened during dinner. One minute he was sitting in his chair eating in the usual uncomfortable, tense silence with his parents, and the next he felt an impact in the back of his head strong enough to throw him right out of his chair and tumbling onto the ground. 

A stabbing pain jolted through his head, making his vision go white and hazy. 

He'd tried to blink the sensation away, only to see unclear, distant and blurred images of what looked like faces leaning over him. He heard unfamiliar voices talking...but was too confused to try and decipher what they were saying.

He wasn't sure where he was, but he was no longer in his dining room. Or...he _was_ but he wasn't.

He could hear his parents calling out to him...his father in his normal condescending tone, and his mother in her quiet, concerned voice. He focused on them, trying to ground himself back into reality.

Finally the faint image in front of him disappeared, and he fell back onto his shaky hands, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

Benji looked up to see his parents both looking at him, his father with a judgemental look and his mother in concern.

After recieving an extensive lecture from his father about proper dinner etiquette and his unusual behavior, he's excused from dinner and sent to his room...much to his relief.

He's shaken back into the present when his head starts spinning. He glances around his room, a faint image of what appears to be a hospital room surrounding him, fading in and out of focus.

He looks down, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees that he's wearing a hospital gown. It takes him a few seconds to realize that he's not looking at his own body, and that he's not actually in a hospital bed.

What the hell is going on?

The faint image of the hospital room spins around him, becoming a blur of colors with the more vivid image of his bedroom, and he groans, nausea settling in the pit of his stomach.

"Jesus Christ! Why the hell is my room spinning so much!"

**Who said that?** a voice questions.

Benji goes silent, eyes darting around his room. 

"Uh...I did?" Benji answers slowly, voice hesitant.

Benji is convinced that he's going crazy and talking to himself, but the voice is coming from inside of his mind, and he can't help but be curious of what is happening.

"I don't know if I'm going crazy right now...but could you _please_ stop moving for _five seconds_...my head is spinning!" He adds, closing his eyes tightly.

**Uh...sorry?** the voice says.

Benji clears his throat, "Who are you?" he asks quietly.

He is met with silence for a few seconds, and starts to wonder if it had all been in his head the entire time. For years he'd had moments when he'd hear distant, fuzzy voices, or see blurred images in his mind...but he hadn't paid it much mind until now.

And then...a voice echoes in his mind.

**My name is Victor.** the voice answers.

Benji takes a moment to let it sink it. This isn't in his head...he's somehow telepathically talking to someone he doesn't know. 

He realizes that this presence has been around far longer than he'd paid any mind to, and it had always been strangely comforting.

_ It always made him feel less alone, as strange as that may sound. _

Benji takes a deep breath, "I'm Benji." he offers.

He hears a hum of acknowledgement before the voice speaks up again.

** Nice to, uh...meet you? **

Benji barks out a laugh, "Yeah...you too, I guess."

**So are you like...in my head?** the voice asks.

"I guess? And I guess you're in mine too." Benji answers.

**I thought I was crazy.** the voice breathes out.

Benji laughs, "Well if you're crazy...I guess that makes two of us." 

The voice laughs, and Benji feels a strange warmth settle in the pit of his stomach. This stranger had a really nice laugh, one that brought a soft smile to Benji's lips.

Benji interlocks his hands together, resting them on his stomach.

the voice gasps. **Holy shit.**

Benji furrows his eyebrows, "What?"

**I...I felt that.** the voice says in a shaky voice.

Before Benji could question what he means, he feels a phantom touch on his hand, and the feeling of fingers that weren't there sliding in between his own.

Benji gasps, "We...we can touch, too?"

** I guess so. **

Silence falls between them for a few minutes while Benji tries to let everything that is happening sink in. 

He, somehow, is able to telepathically communicate with a complete stranger. If he closes his eyes or concentrates hard enough, he can see a faint image of unfamiliar places. He can see through this stranger's eyes, talk to him and can feel his touch.

He can't stop himself from asking, "Did you get hurt tonight?"

** Yeah, I uh...got hurt during my basketball game. Took a basketball to the head and was knocked out cold...ended up with a Grade 3 concussion. **

So that's why Benji was knocked out of his chair during dinner. He felt this stranger, well...Victor, get hurt.

"I felt it." Benji explains, mind spinning from more than just the migraine settling in between his eyes and in his temples.

**Oh, I'm sorry.** the voice says, cringing.

Benji smiles, "That's okay. It's not your fault. Plus...my dad already thought I was crazy long before I flung myself out of a chair in the middle of dinner."

the voice laughs softly, and Benji finds himself joining in.

This whole situation was funny, but now everything that he'd been experiencing for as long as he could remember finally started to make sense. 

As crazy as it seemed, it was oddly comforting to not feel so alone.

Benji closes his eyes, the image of a hospital room appearing back in his sight...although behind lidded eyes.

"Concussions are a bitch. You should try to get some rest." Benji suggests, feeling sympathy for the stranger.

He gets a tired hum in response. 

** Yeah. Well...it was nice to meet you, Benji. **

Benji smiles, "You too, Victor."

Benji feels his mind suddenly go empty, as if the connection between them closed. He opens his eyes, sighing when he sees that he's still in his room.

He turns onto his side, closing his eyes and letting sleep consume him...thoughts of this stranger, now known as Victor, lingering in his mind and into his dreams.


	2. I'm Not Going Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been years, and Victor hasn't spoken to Benji since that night he'd gotten injured during the basketball game. He can't explain it, but he misses him. After getting some good, and bad news from his parents, Victor finds himself more desperate than ever for an escape. Will Benji's reappearance help Victor feel better?

** VICTOR POV: 15 years old **

Several years pass, and Victor doesn't hear from Benji again. Images would still cross his mind in passing...a house he presumed was Benji's, an unfamiliar school, sometimes other random places in a blur of colors, and he'd still sometimes hear voices and distant conversations, but that was as far as it went.

Victor didn't want to admit it to himself, but he actually missed talking to Benji.

Despite the fact that they'd only talked one time...that one conversation made Victor feel more seen than he'd felt in his entire life. 

He sometimes wondered if there was a way for someone experiencing a connection like theirs to shut the other person out...like closing a door or putting down a mental wall. 

He wondered if maybe that was what Benji was doing to him, and it hurt...but he tried not to dwell on it too much, instead focusing on school, and basketball.

No matter how hard he tried to distract himself with his sports, or his 'friends'...he still felt an inexplainable longing deep inside of him, like something was missing.

_It was confusing, to say the least. How could you miss something, someone you've never had...never seen?_

"Victor, Pilar, Adrian...dinner's ready!" His mother's voice calls out from the kitchen, pulling him from his thoughts.

He sighs, dragging himself out of his bed and walking out to join his family in the dining room.

Victor slumps down into the seat beside Pilar, fidgeting with his hands in his lap as he waited for the rest of his family to join them.

He considered this to be the part of his day that he dreaded the most, even more than he dreaded going to school and pretending to be something he's not just to fit in. 

Family dinners at the Salazar house had always been somewhat tense, but recently it had gotten much worse. He and his siblings could all sense that something was off between his parents, and that tension was trickling down and affecting them as a result.

Victor knew that tonight's dinner would be no different, and he prepared himself for the tension, the awkward silence...the shared looks of discomfort and confusion.

He shakes himself from his thoughts when his mother walks into the living room, dinner in hand. It smelled delicious, as his mother's cooking usually did, but he felt his stomach turning at the sight of food.

_He really hated being home. It was times like this that he wished he could escape into Benji's world._

Once she settled the dinner on the table, she sat down. A few seconds later Victor's father walked in, taking the seat beside her and sharing an unreadable look with her.

"Victor...it's your turn to say grace." His father informs him, closing his eyes and bowing his head...leaving no room for argument.

Victor sighs, closing his eyes and folding his hands on top of the table.

He clears his throat, "Lord, bless our family and bless this food that we are about to eat. Amen."

The rest of his family all murmur their own 'Amen' before digging into the food.

As expected, a tense silence falls between them, the only sounds being the metal of utensils scraping along their plates, the occasional sound of a glass being set down onto the table.

Victor pushes his food around on his plate, his appetite near nonexistent.

"So...there is something that your father and I wanted to talk to you all about." Victor's mom says, breaking the tense silence.

All of their heads snap up in her direction, eyes darting between her and their father at her serious tone of voice.

"What's going on?" Victor asks.

She turns to glance at Victor's father, who turns to face them and clears his throat.

"I'm sure that you all know that money has been tight. I've been trying to make ends meet but, with my salary and your mother's...it's not enough." He explains, fidgeting with his hands.

He's silent for a moment, "I've been looking around and...I found a better paying job. It's in Atlanta, and...after talking it over with your mother...I decided to take it." 

Victor's eyes widen, his food long forgotten on his plate.

"Wait... _what_?" Victor asks.

Victor's mom clears her throat, "We decided that it would be best for all of us if your father took this job. We'll be moving to Atlanta in a few months."

"This is some _sick_ _joke_ , right?" Pilar snaps, dropping her fork onto her plate.

_ Here it goes. _

"Pilar..." His mother starts, but she cuts her off.

"No, this isn't _fair_! Everything that we have is here! Our family is here, my friends...my _boyfriend_. You can't move me a thousand miles away from my life!" She cries out.

Isabel shares a glance with Armando.

"Look, hija...we aren't trying to take you away from your life. We all have things that we'd be leaving behind, and it wouldn't be easy...but we'd rebuild, and we'd be better off than we are here." Her father tries to reason, speaking in a level voice.

Isabel nods, "And...we all have _eachother_."

Pilar shakes her head, laughing, "Yeah, because its going to be so fun moving to a new place with a _broken family_."

And just like that...the tension returns to the room.

"Pilar...what are you talking about?" Isabel asks, voice wavering slightly.

Pilar snorts, "Seriously? You think that we haven't noticed something is off between you two? All of the tension and arguments when you think we aren't listening? We notice...even Adrian."

Victor glances over at his parents, who have uncomfortable looks on their faces.

_ They're hiding something, and Victor can tell there's more to the story than what they're saying. _

"There's something else going on here. And instead of being honest with us...you're dragging us out of the state. It's _bullshit_!" She snaps.

"Pilar! You will not sit there and speak to us that way, and you will not use that language in this house!" Isabel yells, pointing her finger at her.

Pilar narrows her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.

"This decision is final. Now...go to your room!" Armando snaps, gesturing to the hallway.

Pilar pushes out of her chair forcefully, storming into the hallway...her door slamming seconds later, shaking the house.

Victor shifts in his seat uncomfortably, avoiding his parents gaze. Anxiety settles in the pit of his stomach.

Adrian quietly excuses himself from the room, clearly upset by the outburst. Victor stands up slowly, turning to walk towards his room.

"Victor..." Isabel breathes out, voice pleading.

Victor was always his family's fixer...the voice of reason. But tonight, he couldn't bring himself to insert himself into this situation. He was exhausted mentally and physically.

He shakes his head, continuing to walk to his room. He walks in and shuts the door behind him, sliding down the wall and pulling his knees to his chest.

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

So...his family was moving away. They were moving away from Texas, away from their extended family, their entire lives that they'd built here.

While his sister was upset, and a small part of him was too...he was also relieved. He started feeling trapped in Texas, in this life created for him that didn't allow for him to be himself. Maybe moving away would give him the opportunity to start fresh.

_ Maybe...he'd finally be able to be himself, whoever that was. Or atleast have the chance to figure that out. _

Victor tries to tune out the argument happening just down the hallway, which is getting louder and louder. 

He suddenly hears music, and opens his eyes, glancing around. It sounded like someone was playing the guitar, and he could hear faint singing.

It wasn't Pilar, who'd preferred to blast what his grandmother called 'devil music' to further agitate his already tense family situation whenever given the chance. She also didn't play guitar.

_The voice was soft, and...male?_

Victor closes his eyes, focusing all his attention on the music that he realizes is coming from his mind.

_Benji?_

_ I wanna feel your touch _

_ It's burning me like an ember _

_ Pretending is not enough _

_ I wanna feel us together _

_ So I'm giving in _

_ So I'm giving in _

_To the trouble I'm in..._

Victor feels all of the breath leave his body...his heart racing rapidly in his chest.

The singing voice was breathtakingly beautiful, soothing and comforting in a way Victor couldnt begin to explain.

Victor opens his eyes, suddenly seeing the faint image of a bedroom he doesn't recognize. He looks down, seeing a guitar in hands that were not his.

_Holy shit...Benji was back._

_ You are you are, my favorite medicine _

_ You are you are, you're where the edge began _

_ You are you are, just one last time again _

_ You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in _

"Wow..." Victor breathes out before he can stop himself.

The music stops dead in its tracks, and Victor panics. Was he not supposed to be hearing this? Was he overstepping? 

_ Shit...what if Benji pushed him away again?  _

** Victor?  **

"Benji..." Victor breathes out.

**Hey.** Benji whispers, putting down the guitar in his hands. 

Victor lets out a breath, "I didn't know if I'd ever hear from you again."

**I'm sorry. I've just been going through a lot.** Benji explains, voice quiet.

"I know the feeling..." 

** Yeah, I, uh...I didn't want to say anything but I heard some of what happened, and...kind of saw it. Are you okay? **

Victor frowns, looking down at the ground, "Not really."

**I'm sorry, Victor.**

"It's okay. I think I just need to get some air. I feel like I'm suffocating in this house." Victor whispers, pushing himself up off the ground.

**Mind if I, uh...** Benji pauses, laughing. **Join you?**

Victor smiles, "I'd like that."

Victor checks to make sure the coast is clear, grabbing his phone and heading for the front door, closing it quietly and walking out onto the sidewalk.

**So...where are you from?** Benji asks conversationally.

"Texas." 

Benji hums. **I've never been...What's it like there?**

"Hot, Dry...lonely. All the fun things." Victor laughs, earning a laugh from Benji.

"Where are you from?" He asks.

**Atlanta, Georgia.**

Victor feels his heart stop...holy shit. He was going to be moving where Benji was. Would they meet eachother? Would Benji even want that?

**Hey...are you alright? I can feel your heart racing.** Benji asks.

Victor clears his throat, "Oh, uh...yeah. Sorry. What's Atlanta like?" 

**Nothing special, honestly. Same as anywhere else.**

Victor laughs, continuing to walk down the sidewalk with no destination in mind. He just hopes that nobody is watching him talk to himself, or he might just find himself locked away in a mental asylum.

_He feels crazy, but doesn't mind it all that much._

They continue talking as the sun starts to set into an array of beautiful colors across the night sky, talking about anything and everything.

**Wow...it's beautiful there.** Benji breathes out.

"I almost forgot that you could see it. Yeah...it is." Victor says, biting his lower lip.

**Do you ever wonder if maybe...we're all looking at the same sunset? At the same sky and stars?**

Victor hums, "Yeah, I'd like to believe that. Makes life feel less lonely when you look at it like that."

He pauses on the sidewalk, looking out into the distance...giving Benji a glimpse into his life.

**Yeah...**

"I hope I don't make this weird by saying this but, uh...I missed talking to you. It always made me feel less lonely knowing you were here." Victor admits, shoving his hands into his pockets.

**I feel the same way.** Benji admits.

Victor smiles, a blush spreading across his cheeks. He wonders if Benji can feel it.

He freezes when he feels a phantom touch on his shoulder, squeezing it. Victor slowly brings his hand up to his shoulder, squeezing back.

**I never left, Victor. I've always been here.**

Victor feels all of the breath knock out of his lungs, an unexplainable warmth settling in his stomach. 

He shakes himself from his thoughts, turning to walk back in the direction of his house. Before he knows it, he's walking towards his front door, disappointment settling over him at having to end his conversation with Benji.

**This has been nice.** Benji says.

"Yeah, it has." Victor agrees, pausing outside his door.

He clears his throat, "Benji?"

**Yeah?**

"Can we talk again soon?" Victor asks, voice quiet.

He feels a touch settle over his hand, squeezing it. He brings his hand over, squeezing back.

**Of course, Victor. I'm not going anywhere.**

_He believes him._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor continues to try and cope with his day-to-day life in Texas, counting down the days until he gets to leave that life and his pretending behind and start fresh somewhere new. Benji is there for him. And when Benji ends up facing a tough situation, Victor returns the favor.

Victor walks into the school cafeteria, eyes darting around in search of his friends. 

If he was being completely honest, he didn't feel like putting up a tough front with his friends today...pretending to be something he's not. 

_ It is...exhausting...not knowing who he is, and not having the opportunity to figure it out. It wasn't like he couldn't try, but there just wasn't much room to be different. _

There wasn't much acceptance towards things that were different, either. So, Victor resigns to pretending to be someone he's not, even though he doesn't know who that is, either.

He shakes himself from his thoughts, walking into the lunch line and joining his friends. They're serving several different options for lunch today, and while Victor would like nothing more than to get a salad, he decides to follow his friends and get the ribs.

_ He's definitely going to have to work this off later during his pre-practice workout. _

Victor walks over to his lunch table where his friends, well, basketball teammates, were all sitting down, digging into their ribs.

He gives them a casual nod in greeting, eyes darting around at them before biting into his own ribs. They all make casual conversation about basketball, and the upcoming game. 

Victor silently listens in, not contributing much to the conversation. Just a few more months, and he'd be leaving all of this behind. He couldn't wait.

** Hey, Victor. Just dropping in to say hello. **

Victor smiles to himself, not speaking up but squeezing his arm to let Benji know that he was listening.

One of his teammates speaks up, breaking the silence they'd fallen into, "Look you guys. Ethan's got a _salad_ instead of ribs." he teases, smirking.

Victor freezes, rib right in front of his mouth as he looks up at his friend.

**What's so wrong with that?** Benji says, taking the words right out of Victor's head.

"You're like my aunt Karen." he adds, the rest of the team laughing along. They all mutter to themselves in amusement.

"He's _Aunt Ethan_." Another teammate says, laughing.

Victor gulps, his stomach suddenly turning at their implications. He swears he hears them whisper the word **gay** amongst themselves.

** Are they seriously implying that eating a salad is gay? Are they really making gay jokes? **

** Haha. Lame. **

Victor tries to hide his amusement at Benji's commentary, which is a welcome distraction from the sudden anxiety that overcame him.

** There's nothing wrong with being gay. **

Victor feels his heart pounding against his ribcage at Benji's words. 

_ God did it help having Benji in his head to distract him, especially in situations like this. _

~

The next few days pass in a blur, Benji still amusing Victor with his quite hilarious commentary about Victor's day-to-day life and experiences.

Before he knows it he's survived another week, one week closer to him being free of the binding shackles and chains of Texas. It's now Sunday, which means he and his family are going to be attending Sunday Mass as usual.

_ He hates it. _

Victor walks into church behind his parents, adjusting the collar on his uncomfortable sweater as he follows them to a pew.

** Ah...the dreaded Sunday Mass. I remember those days. It's torture sitting there and listening to someone tell you all the ways that you'll inevitably go to hell. **

_Benji_.

Victor smiles to himself. Benji being there would help him survive.

He slides in beside his father, leaving room beside him for his mother. She remains standing, talking to one of the familiar church-goers. 

Victor had always found him attractive...handsome. And his heart always raced whenever he saw him. He didn't know what that meant, and didn't even want to begin to unpack all of that.

_ There wasn't room for that here in Texas. _

Victor tries to keep his eyes forward, gaze occasionally darting over to scan over the older man.

** Damn...he's a good looking guy. **

Victor splutters for a second, earning strange looks from his father and some of the other churchgoers. He clears his throat, sinking back into the pew.

"You are _so_ stylish!" Victor's mom exclaims, "You have to let me set you up with my sister!"

Victor watches the interaction, deeply uncomfortable.

** I'm almost certain that he does not want to be set up with her sister, or any female for that matter. **

The man offers a friendly smile, laughing, "Oh you are so sweet! But things are so busy at the salon right now."

** Totally. Things are just soooo busy at the salon.  ** Benji laughs.

"Well okay...let me know if you change your mind." Victor's mother says, waving goodbye before sliding into the seat beside him.

**Well...that was totally awkward.**

Victor tries not to laugh at Benji's words, instead staring ahead and shifting in his seat.

Victor's father turns towards his mother, raising his eyebrows and making his signature 'I'm-about-to-make-a-judgemental-and-totally-unfunny-joke' expression. 

"Hey, he's a little, I don't know...but he seems a little _flojito_." He teases in a high pitched voice, making a girly pose with his body. 

** Seriously? ** Benji says.

Victor's mom reaches over him to swat at his father's chest, laughing. Victor forces a smile, anxiety bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

** Why do people think they're funny when they make jokes like that? I'll never understand. No offense to your father, Victor. **

Victor clears his throat, his leg bouncing nervously.

** Hey...it's going to be okay. **

He feels a phantom touch of a hand settle on his knee, squeezing it. He takes a deep breath, his leg halting from its shaking. Victor casually rests his hand on his knee, squeezing back in a silent thank you to Benji.

The sensation of a hand on his knee remains throughout the rest of the mass, helping calm Victor's anxiety.

~

** BENJI POV: **

Benji sits leaning against the headboard of his bed, messing around with different chord progressions on his guitar, humming to himself.

He's been trying to get into writing his own music, and at first he felt completely uninspired, but something seemed to shift in him lately...and he wasn't sure what it is.

_ He's suddenly inspired. _

Benji continues playing on his guitar, freezing when a knock sounds on his bedroom door. He yells a quick 'come in' before going back to his task.

He hears footsteps enter his room, and looks up to see his father walk in...his features drawn tight and serious.

_ Well that look was never good, in Benji's experience. _

"Hey, Dad...what's up?" He asks, setting his guitar down beside him.

His father sighs, "You're still messing around with that _music_ thing, Benjamin?"

Benji rolls his eyes, "I'm not messing around with _anything_ , dad. It's what I love to do. And I told you before...I don't like it when you call me Benjamin."

His father rolls his eyes, "I'll address you as I'd like to...I'm your father. And Benjamin, you know that you'll eventually have to start focusing on a more _successful_ career path."

"Why can't music be a successful career path for me?" Benji asks, growing frustrated at the repetitive conversation that he'd endured a thousand times before.

"Music isn't going to take you anywhere, it's not realistic or sustainable." 

Benji snorts, "And _what_...being a _lawyer_ is _so_ much more fulfilling?" he jabs.

His father narrows his eyes, "You will not speak to me that way, Benjamin. I'm just looking out for you."

"Sure, dad. Are we done here?" Benji asks, already going to grab his guitar as a silent invitation for his dad to 'escort himself out.'

"No, actually. There's something I'd like to talk to you about." He says, tone more serious.

Benji sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, "What is it?"

"It's that friend of yours from school... _Derek_ , is it?" He says, tone less-than-subtle.

"Uh, yeah? What about him?" Benji asks in a monotone voice.

His father crosses his arms over his chest, "You two spend a lot of time together. You're _very_ close." 

Benji narrows his eyes, "Okay, _and_? What are you trying to imply here...dad?"

"All I'm saying is that you should be careful...being that close to another male. You're going to give people the wrong idea." He says.

"What exactly is the _wrong_ idea?" Benji asks, raising an eyebrow. 

He's trying his best to stay calm and appear unbothered, but he can feel a familiar feeling of anxiety and dread settling into his stomach. He was hoping that his parents wouldnt catch on to his close bond with Derek, who he secretly had started growing feelings for.

They'd become friends not long ago, sharing a mutual love for music, and Benji started to have more-than-friend feelings towards him.

Derek was older than him, and he's also completely out at school. Benji, on the other hand, has yet to come out to his parents or at school. 

_ He apparently wasn't as subtle as he thought. _

"You don't want people to think you're _gay_ , or something, son." He says pointedly.

Benji feels like he was just punched in the gut. He knew that his father had judgements about people who were different, but he'd never considered that he might not be accepting of who he was.

_ It terrified him. _

"I don't _care_ what people think, dad. I can be close with whoever I want to." Benji argues.

His father shakes his head, "Yes, but you don't want people to look down on you. To think you're... _that way._ "

Benji feels a pit form in his stomach, nausea hitting him.

His clears his throat, "Uh, yeah...okay dad. You're right," he forces out, schooling his features, "I'll be more careful. Thanks."

His father nods, offering him a tight-lipped smile and turning to walk out the door, shutting it behind him quietly.

Benji slumps down onto his bed, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He feels his chest constricting, tears burning at the back of his eyes...his heart racing.

It feels like all of the air is leaving his lungs, and he gasps for air that doesn't reach him, grabbing onto the bedsheets and gripping them tightly...his knuckles turning white.

** Benji? **

He heaves for air to try and respond to Victor.

"V-Victor. I-I can't...I can't breathe." He chokes out, letting out a sob.

**Benji, hey...I'm here. Okay? Focus on my voice.** Victor says.

A tear slides down Benji's cheek, and he lets out a gasp when he feels a phantom touch swipe across his cheek.

** Breathe, Benji. Just breathe. **

"I-I c-can't." He manages to get out, chest still moving up and down rapidly, the room spinning around him.

He feels a hand rest on his chest, right above his heart. On instinct he moves his hand towards the feeling, resting it on his own chest.

He focuses on the consistent, calm beat of the heart that isn't his.

_ Victor's heartbeat. _

** Focus on me, Benji. Focus on my heartbeat. Breathe with me. **

Benji shuts his eyes tightly, focusing on the sound of Victor's voice and the beat of his heart...breathing along with Victor.

After a few minutes, Benji can feel his heartbeat slow, his chest rising and falling normally. He takes a deep breath, still focused on the warm feeling of a hand on his chest.

** There you go. You're okay. It's going to be okay. **

Finally, Benji relaxes...slumping down onto his bed, his hand remaining over his chest.

**Are you feeling better?** Victor asks softly.

"Yeah...I think so." Benji whispers.

** Okay, good. Do you...want to talk about it? **

Benji is silent for a moment, "I, uh...I'm sure you overheard the conversation."

** Yeah, well...some of it. I tuned out when I thought it was too personal.  **

Benji smiles, "Well...uh," he pauses, debating whether or not he should come out to Victor, the stranger who had become a not-so-stranger in his life, "my dad wasn't, uh... _wrong_ , I guess."

** What do you mean? **

"I am close with my friend, uh...Derek. I do like him...as more than a friend," he admits, "I'm into him. I'm gay."

Benji holds his breath in anticipation. This is the first time he's come out to anyone in his life, and the person being in his head makes it no less terrifying.

_ What if Victor thinks differently of him? What if he doesn't want to talk to him anymore?  _

** Is that the first time you've told someone? **

Benji clears his throat, "Yeah...yeah, it is."

** Well...I'm honored you told me, thank you. And Benji...there's nothing wrong with who you are. No matter what anyone says, who you are is...pretty great. **

Benji grins, a blush settling on his cheeks, "Thank you, Victor."

** So...are you planning on telling your parents? **

"I don't know. I'm sure my mom would accept me but my dad? After what he just said? I don't know."

** I'm sorry. I really hope that it works out, and if not...I'm here for you. **

Benji feels a hand rest on top of his, and he reaches over to return the gesture.

"Thank you, Victor. So much." 


	4. Accidents and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor starts to think about his growing connection with Benji, and his new, confusing feelings towards the boy he couldn't put a face to. After not hearing from Benji for a whole day, Victor grows worried. What happens when Victor realizes that Benji's been suffering in silence for far too long? Is it too late to save him from himself? Will Benji's accident take him away too soon?

** VICTOR POV: **

Another few weeks pass by in the blink of an eye, and Victor and Benji talk to eachother nearly everyday.

Benji has continued to offer Victor support through school and different family outings, and Victor started to do the same for Benji in return.

He finally got to learn more about Benji's life in Atlanta...and it turns out that Benji is unarguably one of the most interesting and amazing people Victor has ever 'met' in his life.

Apart from the fact that Benji is an extremely talented musician---both with singing and guitar, as well as various other instruments---he also is a self-taught artist in several mediums, likes to cook, and is a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic--- _Victor likes that fact almost too much_ \---

Victor has grown to like Benji far more than he'd ever expected. Despite the fact that he'd never seen Benji, he still felt himself gaining feelings for him.

_ He's never cared about, or felt this way about anyone before, let alone another guy, and it scared the shit out of him.  _

Victor hasn't completely come to terms with his sexuality yet, and he'd never act on his feelings regardless...since he knows Benji is interested in someone else.

He isn't sure Benji would ever feel that way about him. Hell...he wasn't even sure of how Benji would react if he ever found out Victor was moving to Atlanta.

_Would he want to meet Victor in person? Would he even be interested in Victor if they ever met? Would he get freaked out and push Victor away...closing their connection forever_?

Victor wants nothing more than to know all of Benji, but he'd never want to cross any boundaries or make him uncomfortable. So...for now he kept his feelings, and the news of his impending move, a secret...content with being just friends (with some strange, inexplainable connection).

Victor is pulled out of his overwhelming thoughts by his mother calling him for dinner. He sighs, making his way out of his room and in the direction of the dining room.

_ Time for another exciting, riveting Salazar family dinner. _

Victor forces a smile at his mother, taking his usual seat at the dinner table and waiting for the others to join.

He fidgets with his hands in his lap like usual, hoping that Benji will connect with him and somehow help him survive this dinner.

He tries not to be too disappointed when he doesn't feel Benji's presence there.

The rest of his family silently sit at the table, quietly filling their plates with food. Silence falls between them until Armando asks Pilar to say grace.

Victor can already tell that he made a mistake. There was no way that this was going to end well.

Pilar forces a smile, "It would be my honor, Papi."

Victor sighs, shutting his eyes tightly and folding his hands on the table...praying for Benji to come through and end his suffering.

He tries to ignore the tinge of worry that settles in his chest at not hearing from Benji all day. It wasn't like him to not check in, and it was starting to drive Victor crazy.

Pilar's voice snaps Victor out of his downward spiral, "Bless us, oh lord. And bless this food for which you provided. Bless my mother who cooked it, and _especially_ bless both of my parents...who are _forcefully_ moving our family across the country for some secretive reason that is complete _bullshit_. A-men!" 

She opens her eyes, sending her parents a sarcastic smirk.

Victor opens one eye nervously, looking around at the tense looks of his family...the angry looks of his parents.

"A...men." Victor breathes out, hoping to extinguish some of the tension.

Isabel raises an eyebrow, "What did I say about your language in this household, young lady?"

"I don't remember. I couldn't hear you over the _bullshit_ you were spewing when you announced up-and-moving us to another state." She says nonchalantly.

Victor sighs, shaking his head.

"Okay, that's _enough_ Pilar. You'll respect your mother and I...and that's final. Now eat your dinner." Armando says darkly, digging into his food.

Pilar forcefully stabs her fork into her food, eating it angrily.

Victor digs into his own food, silently eating as his eyes dart around awkwardly.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Victor feels an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach, curving his appetite.

He isn't sure what the feeling is that suddenly crashes over him like a wave, but he immediately worries that it's Benji. It's definitely not his own feelings...he can distinguish between what he's feeling and when it's Benji's feelings that are resonating inside of him.

Victor closes his eyes, trying to focus in on their connection to see if he can spot Benji.

When he opens his eyes, the room is spinning, and he's no longer in his dining room. The faded image in front of him is Benji's bedroom.

Victor blinks a few times, trying to stop the spinning. He feels his mind go a little fuzzy, unable to think straight. 

Once he gets his bearings, he looks down...eyes widening when he sees the bottle of alcohol in his, well Benji's...hand.

Victor feels an uncomfortable swoop in his stomach at the taste of the alcohol.

_What the hell was going on with Benji?_

Victor momentarily forgets that he's sitting at the dinner table with his family, whispering a barely audible, "Benji?"

The bottle of alcohol pauses a short distance away from his face, and Victor sighs in relief when he realizes Benji heard him.

**Oh, Victor...Heeey.** Benji slurs out.

_Holy shit...Benji isn't just drinking. He's drunk. He's been drinking._ Victor feels worry settle in the pit of his stomach, drowning out the ghost feeling of alcohol burning in his stomach.

**I didn't know that you would be here.** Benji laughs, taking another drink. 

_Shit. Shit. Shit_. Victor needs to talk to Benji, who's clearly not in the right frame of mind. He needs to make sure he stops him before this goes too far.

Victor blinks away the image of Benji's room, looking up at his parents, "Mami, Papi...can I be excused?"

They both give him a pair of confused looks, "Why?"

Shit. Think, Victor...think, "I, uh...don't feel...good?" he stutters out.

Armando rolls his eyes, "Flaco...eat your food. Nobody is leaving this table during family meal time."

"Please?" Victor pleads, the worry in his stomach only amplifying when he feels Benji's pain radiating through him.

"Yeah... _family_." Pilar mumbles under her breath, earning a glare from their parents.

"Nobody is getting up from this table. Eat your food...quietly." Armando snaps, turning his attention back to his meal.

Victor closes his eyes and groans in frustration, pushing his food around on his plate. When he opens his eyes, he's no longer in Benji's bedroom. He's in another unfamiliar location.

He blinks the blur out of his eyes, eyes widening in horror when he realizes where he...where Benji, is.

_No_.

Victor picks up his fork, dropping it to the floor under the table. He laughs awkwardly, climbing under the table to grab it.

"Benji...what the hell are you doing in a car? You're drunk!" he whispers.

**Victor? Oh hey...fancy hearing you here.** He mumbles, words more slurred than before...a nearly empty bottle of liquor in his hand.

Victor frowns, "Benji! Get out of the car...you aren't thinking clearly!"

**I'm thinking just fine, Victor. I'm thinking that I'm not fine. I'm far from fine...I'm a mess. And a burden. And a waste...** his words are all jumbled together.

"Benji, you aren't _any_ of that! Don't say that!" Victor whispers.

**I'm gay, Victor. I'm gay and a disappointment, and I don't deserve to live. I hate myself...I hate who I am.**

Benji lets out a self-depricating laugh mixed with a broken sob, and Victor feels his heart shatter.

"Benji...that's _not_ true! You aren't a disappointment, and who you are is great. _You're_ great, Benji. C'mon...you need to listen to me." Victor whispers, desperate for Benji to actually believe him.

**Huh, what? I'm hungry. I think I came here to get Wendy's.**

Victor shakes his head rapidly, "Benji...don't drive that car. Don't!" he pleads, feeling completely helpless.

Benji fumbles with the keys as he puts them in the ignition, and then fumbles with the gears. Victor's vision is hazy with Benji's drunkenness, and he tries to fight Benji off...but he can't.

"Victor...what are you doing down there! Get back up here _now_!" Isabel demands.

Victor sighs, crawling out from under the table and sitting back im his seat, ignoring the pointed looks from his family. He focuses back in on Benji, who's now fumbling with the gear shift again, putting it into drive.

A feeling of dread settles deep inside of Victor, overlapping the plethora of emotions Benji is eminating. 

Victor watches as Benji weakly grips the steering wheel, driving down a number of unfamiliar roads...definitely breaking several different laws. 

Benji takes a suddenly, steep turn and Victor grips onto the edge of the table tightly...knuckles turning white as he loses his balance and leans over.

The car speeds up more, and Victor finds himself shaking with the increasing speed.

Victor's parents shoot him equally concerned looks, "Victor?"

He doesn't hear them, too focused on the scene unfolding in front of him.

"Benji...please stop! _Please_!" He whispers, still being thrashed around as if he's in the car.

Victor's eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when he sees the distant neon sign that reads Wendy's in the distance...growing closer and closer.

**Finally...Wendy's!** Benji slurs out, swerving in front of an oncoming car into the parking lot.

He doesn't go towards the drive through, instead heading at a dangerous speed towards the building.

Victor's gasps, "Benji! Stop!" he yells, ignoring his family's looks.

The car gets closer and closer to the building, and Victor feels helpless and out of control as the car barrels right towards the entrance.

**I'm sorry, Victor.** Benji whispers, pushing down onto the gas pedal to increase his speed.

"No!" 

Victor's body shakes uncontrollably as the car barrels into the building at full speed. Victor is thrashed around, thrown right out of his chair and onto the floor...unbearable pain spreading through every bone in his body.

Suddenly, everything goes dark...and Victor feels an overwhelming emptiness inside of him. 

He blacks out momentarily, his chest heaving as he struggles to find air. 

"Victor! Oh my god...Victor!" A distant voice calls out to him.

He feels hands all over him, poking and prodding at him faintly.

"B-Benji?" He whispers, still laying on the ground. He blinks the darkness from his vision, realizing that he's laying on his kitchen floor...his entire family standing over him with looks ranging from concerned to worried and every emotion in-between.

Victor ignores them, jolting upright, "Benji! Benji!" he yells.

"Mi amor, relax! You're okay...relax!" His mother soothes him, running a shaking hand through his hair.

She gives him a look, "Are you okay? What happened?"

Victor clears his throat, still trying to catch his breath and gather his bearings, "I-I don't know." he lies.

"You were shaking, and your eyes looked distant...glazed over. And you were yelling a name...Benji." She rambles out.

Victor stays silent, not wanting to even attempt to explain to them what happened. Truthfully, all he was concerned about in that moment was Benji.

_Was Benji...dead? Did he just witness Benji, the boy that he'd somehow been connected with his entire life and grown to love, die right before his eyes?_

_Did he just witness Benji's light go out?_

Victor held back the sob that threatened to escape his throat.

He couldn't feel Benji's faint energy inside of him anymore. He felt complete, overwhelming emptiness...which definitely wasn't good.

"I...don't know. I...think I'm just tired. I'm going to go lay down." He rambles out, stumbling off of the floor and towards his bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind him and sliding down it.

He lets out a broken sob, tears running down his cheeks.

"Benji?" He whispers in a broken voice.

Silence.

He cries, "Benji...please wake up. _Please_."

After what feels like hours of trying to focus in on Benji's energy...he's nearly depleted of all of his. Victor stumbles off of the ground, slowly doing his nighttime routine and carrying himself towards his bed...falling into it.

He rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He feels lost... _numb_. 

After nearly crying himself dry of tears, Victor manages to fall into a restless sleep.

~

**BENJI POV:**

Benji blinks himself awake, groaning at the dull ache in his head...unbearable pain spreading throughout his entire body.

He slowly opens his eyes, adjusting to the bright light of the unfamiliar room he's in. He looks around as he tries to gather his bearings...trying to piece together what happened.

Bits and pieces start to come back to him in fragments. 

Oh...shit. He drank himself into a nearly irreparable state of intoxication. He drove a car under the influence. He tried to kill himself.

"Benji! Stop...please!" He hears the ghost of Victor's voice echoing in his mind.

_Holy shit...Victor. Did Victor witness that? Was Victor hurt too? Benji is hit with a sudden wave of guilt._

_Fuck._

"V-Victor?" Benji whispers, voice scratchy.

He is met with silence.

He tries again, "Victor?"

**B-Benji?**

"Victor..." Victor lets out a breath of relief.

**BENJI! OH MY GOD. YOU'RE ALIVE. YOU'RE OKAY! THANK FUCKING GOD.**

Benji manages a weak smile, "Yeah. I'm...I'm sorry."

He feels a phantom hand slap his shoulder hard, and he groans, "Ow...what the _hell_ was that for!"

**That was for scaring the shit out of me! You have no idea how worried I was! I felt so helpless. I thought I watched you...** he pauses, letting out a sob. **I thought I watched you die, Benji.**

Benji lets out a shaky breath, "Victor, shit. I'm so sorry."

**I didn't know you were hurting. Why didn't you talk to me? I could've tried to help!**

"I was embarrassed. I've been...struggling for awhile." Benji admits, shifting uncomfortably.

**You should've talked to me.**

Benji sighs, "I know. I'm sorry."

**It's okay. Benji...I can only do so much from where I am, but please don't shut me out. Please. I...can't lose you. I can't.** Victor confesses.

Benji's heart races in his chest, "I won't shut you out again. I promise."

Before Victor can respond, the door to Benji's hospital room opens and his parents come rushing in.

~

**VICTOR/ALTERNATING POV:**

Victor was so unbelievably relieved to hear Benji's voice...to see with his own eyes that Benji was, infact, alive.

_It was a miracle._

**I won't shut you out again. I promise.** Benji whispers.

Victor is about to answer when he hears a door open, and turns to see Benji's parents enter his vision. 

_Shit..._

Victor puts a hand on his own shoulder, squeezing gently to let Benji know hes there silently supporting him. He's no stranger to Benji's parents, specifically his father, and he knows how difficult this conversation is going to be.

Benji quickly squeezes back, showing Victor that its okay if he stays connected.

Victor falls silent, watching as Benji's parents approach him.

**Benji, thank God you're okay!** His mother cries out, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly...tears in her eyes.

Benji's father stands rigid and silent beside her, eyes burning with repressed anger. 

**Mom...don't cry. I'm okay.** He offers her comfort.

She shakes her head, letting out a sob, **Do you know how lucky you are, Benji? You could have died! You managed to get through this accident with nothing more than a couple scrapes and bruises.**

Benji frowns, realization dawning on him.

_He could have died. He could've never woken up...never been able to live his life as who he was._

**Benjamin...do you have any idea what you've done!** His father speaks up, voice quiet but deadly, **You completely totalled my car...caused thousands of dollars of damage to that Wendy's, and nearly killed both yourself and innocent bystanders**. He reprimands.

"Yeah, and your son almost died, jerk. His life is more important than your dumb car or some money in damages."

Benji tries not to tear up and smile at Victor's words. _Atleast someone made him feel like he deserved to live._

**You could've went to jail, but luckily they're letting you off easily. You'll still have a hearing in court to determine your punishment. And there will be plenty of punishments awaiting you at home.** He continues.

Benji nods, **Alright dad, I'm sorry.**

"No, Benji. Don't apologize. He's being a jerk." Victor argues.

Benji squeezes his hands together in a silent thank you.

His father nods curtly, silence falling between them. His parents stand on either side of him, looking at him. 

Benji zones out, the thought of him nearly dying tonight washing over him again.

_It destroys him to think that he might've died before he could live freely as himself. As he looks back and fourth between his parents, he decides that he's finally going to be brave enough to take that leap._

_He isn't going to be afraid anymore of living his life, not when he has a second chance._

Benji clears his throat, **Mom, dad...there's something I need to tell you.**

They both look at him expectantly.

**I drove into the Wendy's on purpose tonight. Well...not _into_ the building on purpose but...I drove drunk on purpose. Knowing the risk and I willingly did it anyway. **He confesses.

His mother frowns, **Oh, Benji...why would you do that!**

**I wanted to die, because I hated myself. I hated who I am. But now I realize that I am no longer going to be afraid to be who I am. I deserve to live, and I deserve to live as myself.** He continues.

"Oh god, Benji...are you going to do this? Are you going to tell them. Should I leave, I feel like this is..."

**No...stay.** He whispers, earning confused looks from his parents.

He directs his attention back to his parents, **Mom, dad. I've been hiding this for awhile, but...I won't anymore. I'm gay.**

Victor watches as Benji's parents faces go through several emotions, most of them unreadable.

His mother's face settles on a mix of pity and concern, but approval, and his father's face lacks surprise or concern.

**So it's true, then...** his father breathes out.

Benji nods, trying to ignore the pain it shoots through his head.

**Yeah, dad...it's true. And it's who I am. If you don't like it...you'll have to get over it. This is me, and I won't change that.** He says.

His mother gives him a smile, leaning down to hug him easily, **I'm so proud of you, Benji. I love you.**

She gives him a kiss on the forehead, brushing the hair away before nodding towards his father...who follows her to the door.

His father unsurprisingly doesn't say a word, silently voicing his disapproval. His mother turns to smile at him again, **Get some rest, sweetheart.**

Victor watches as they leave, leaving Benji alone. He hears him lets out a breath.

**Victor? You still there?** he whispers.

Victor rests his hand ontop of his other one, squeezing it tightly.

"Yeah, I'm here. Benji...I'm so freaking proud of you."

Benji beams at his words, **I couldn't have done it without you, Victor.**

"Yes you could've. You're stronger than you think, Benji. And you're...amazing." Victor breathes out.

**You make me stronger.** Benji admits before he can stop himself.

Victor laugh softly.

**I'm...really glad that we met, Victor. Really. I don't know what I'd do without your presence here constantly.**

"The feeling is mutual." Victor says, ignoring the way his heart races.

Benji yawns, eyes suddenly heavy. The trauma and emotions of the night finally catching up to him.

"Get some rest, okay? I'll be here whenever you're up for talking." Victor says.

**Goodnight, Victor.** Benji whispers.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, reaching over to touch it.

Victor smiles, "Goodnight, Benji."


	5. Broken Connection & Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things between Victor and Benji following the accident had been great, and they found themselves growing closer and closer. Victor has never been happier, never felt more needed and SEEN, and then...his whole world collapses around him as a result of the presence of the one and only Derek, the object of Benji's affection. What happens when a miscommunication leads to Victor shutting Benji out?

**VICTOR POV:**

The next few weeks are, well...intense, to say the least. Honestly, its because Victor is more focused on Benji's world than his own.

Victor hasn't been able to keep his focus off of Benji since the accident. He's so afraid of what could happen if he strays too far away from their connection for too long.

_He's afraid that Benji will slip away again, and this time for good. So...he keeps their connection open, and keeps a careful eye on Benji._

In the days following Benji's accident, he's released from the hospital, luckily with no permanent or life threatening injuries. 

The weeks following the accident, well...they're far more intense and confusing, full of twists and turns that Victor sometimes can barely keep up with.

_But somehow, Benji's complicated is easier to deal with than his own complicated life._

It starts out with Benji dealing with the aftermath of the accident, more specifically dealing with the wrath of his father, and the overbearing worry of his mother...a lethal combination.

He starts out with going to his court hearing, and Victor is there silently supporting him. Benji isn't charged for the accident, however he's held responsible for the damages to the Wendy's.

He is sentenced to community service, assigned a probation officer, temporarily suspended of his license, and issued court-mandated therapy (more specifically, AA meetings, for the issue of drinking).

He gets off easy, in his father's opinion, and Victor is silently thankful.

Victor sticks by Benji's side as a silent support system, with his consent, through the beginnings of his court-mandated AA meetings and other issues.

Victor is thankful for the distraction from his own problems at home, which have only worsened over time. Tensions between his parents are at an all time high, and Victor is no longer in denial that something deeper is going on between them.

Instead of stressing about that, he makes sure to focus his energy on himself, and on Benji.

_For once, he feels useful for something other than being his family's fixer. He feels needed, wanted...SEEN._

Victor is attached to the hip (well...to the brain) with Benji almost all day everyday. And while Benji was almost always checking in on him during school, Victor had never tuned into Benji during his own school hours.

_He was starting to think that he should, just to make sure he was doing okay with everything going on._

Benji had just came out at school officially following his return after the accident, and Victor could only imagine how terrifying and stressful that was for him. 

Victor decides, during his free period at school, that he was going to check in on Benji.

He finds a quiet corner of the library, settling down on the floor and leaning against the wall. He closes his eyes, focusing in on Benji's energy.

He's relieved to see that Benji left the connection open...immediately slipping in. He opens his eyes, a faint image of an unfamiliar school hallway appearing in front of him.

Victor watches as Benji walks down the school hallway, eyes scanning around as if looking for something.

He's just about to speak up when he sees Benji approaching another guy, not bad looking, who's smiling fondly at him.

Victor decides to stay silent, observing curiously.

**Derek, hey...** Benji greets him shyly.

Victor's breath hitches. Oh...so this is the infamous Derek that Benji constantly talked about. The Derek that he had feelings for...his brain unhelpfully supplied.

He ignores the slight pang in his chest.

**Hey, Benji...how are you feeling?** the guy, Derek, asks.

**I'm good. I'm okay. I, uh...wanted to ask you something.** Benji says, sounding nervous.

The mysterious guy shuts his locker, turning to look at Benji. Benji glances down at his hands, then back up to meet his eyes.

He can feel Benji's nervous energy deep down inside of him, and it makes his insides twist with an unexplainable feeling. He dreads where this is going.

**I was wondering if you'd want to, uh...go out with me? Like, on a date?** Benji asks.

Victor feels as if all the air collapses from his lungs, and feels his world shatter around him.

The guy smirks at him, **That sounds nice. What were you thinking?**

**Well...there's this corny italian restaurant not far from the café...I heard they have good meatballs.** Benji flirts, voice much more confident.

_Shit...Benji is flirting with Derek. He's going on a date with him. FUCK._

**I'm in...I can't resist meatballs.** he says suggestively.

Victor feels the blush settling on Benji's cheeks, the warmth reaching his own. His stomach is warm and it makes it flop uncomfortably.

Victor has to resist the urge to gag, both from overwhelming sadness and jealous to disgust at how corny this conversation was.

He needs to tune out of his conversation immediately...needs to stop listening before he gets more hurt. Instead, he keeps watching as Benji reaches forward to interlock his fingers with Derek's.

Victor feels the warmth of Benji's hand settle on his own, and feels tears spring into the corner of his eyes.

He stumbles to his feet, grabbing his stuff and storming out of the library, taking off down the hallway.

"Fuck." He cries out, freezing when he realizes he's still tuned in with Benji.

There's silence for a few moments, and then a... **Victor?**

Victor shakes his head, staying silent and continuing towards the cafeteria.

~

**Victor, hey...are you okay? I can feel your anxiousness.**

Victor ignores Benji, walking over to his currently empty table and sitting down, putting his head into his arms.

**Victor...talk to me.**

He hears footsteps, schooling his face when he sees his friends and teammates approaching him, sitting down in the seats around him.

They all greet him, digging into their food.

"Hey, Salazar...you not eating today?" His one friend asks.

Victor shrugs, "Not really hungry." he says.

**Victor...you need to eat something.** Benji says.

_Not like you even care..._ Victor wants to say.

"Dude...you're going to be stumbling during drills at practice later without some food in your system. Here...take some of mine." Another teammate offers, and Victor shakes his head.

"I'm fine, really." He insists.

**Victor.**

_Shut up, Benji._ he thinks.

His teammates change the topic into talking about their most current crushes and objects of their affections in their classes, their vulgar language extremely disturbing to Victor.

He pretends to be engaged in the conversation, mind drifting over to thoughts of Benji and Derek, leaving a bad feeling of jealously settling in his stomach.

**Victor...what's wrong?**

"What about you, Salazar?" A voice pulls him from his thoughts.

He blinks, "Uh, what?"

"Any hot girls catch your eye lately?" His friend repeats, all their eyes lingering on him expectantly.

He shakes his head, "Uh...no."

They all raise their eyebrows, "Uh, no one at _all_? There are so many hot girls in our class, and even older and younger. The possibilities are _endless_."

**Ugh, straight guys are so gross. I can barely listen to this.**

_Then fucking don't._ Victor wants to snap.

Victor shrugs, "Haven't noticed anyone yet." he lies.

"Damn Salazar. You need to step up your game." He says, turning to talk to the rest of the guys and resume their conversation.

Victor gulps, eyes falling down towards the table. His leg starts bouncing nervously, his hands tapping the top of the table.

He feels that familiar warm, phantom presence settle on his knee, and he shakes it off...slapping his hand down onto it.

**Victor...seriously, talk to me. What's going on with you.**

In lieu of an answer, Victor concentrates hard on their connection, slamming down the invisible wall inside his mind...cutting Benji off.

_There's your answer..._ he thinks bitterly.

~

Later on Victor is laying on his bed, textbooks and papers scattered around him as he tries to focus on his homework. He keeps getting this nagging feeling in the back of his mind.

He tries his hardest to resist the urge to reach out to Benji...to lift the wall and reach out. He knows that he should apologize, that his anger at Benji was unfair and undeserved.

He couldn't be mad that the guy he was connected to mentally was going out with someone that wasn't him. I mean, chances were they'd never see eachother or meet, and even if they did...who would know if Benji would be interested in pursuing something with him.

_Victor couldn't push Benji away for wanting to be happy. It wasn't fair and, having Benji in his life in any capacity was better than not having him at all._

So, Victor sucks up his pride and lifts the wall away...opening their connection back up. He closes his eyes, focusing intently on trying to locate Benji.

He opens his eyes, seeing that Benji is in his bedroom.

Thank God he was alone, and not on his date. 

Victor takes a deep breath before talking, "Benji?" he asks quietly.

**Victor?** his response is instant, but hesitant.

"Hey..." Victor whispers, fidgeting with his hands. 

**Are...are you okay?**

Victor chews on his lower lip, contemplating his answer, "I...guess? I don't know, honestly."

**Did I do something wrong?** Benji asks.

_Fuck_.

"No, Benji! You didn't do anything wrong. It's not you its, uh...fuck. It's _me_. I was upset about something and took it out on you and I'm sorry." Victor rambles out.

**It's okay. You know that you can talk to me, right? I care about you, Victor.**

_Not in the way I want you to..._ he thinks bitterly. He pushes away those thoughts, knowing they are unfair.

"I know. It's just...complicated." 

**I'm familiar with complicated. You've seen how I deal with complicated on a daily basis. So...talk to me.**

**What's going on in that head of yours, Victor?**

Victor sighs, "I, uh...I've been going through something lately."

**The thing with your parents?**

"No, not that. Uh...it involves them but not directly. Uh..." Victor pauses, trying to collect his thoughts, "I've been... _confused_ for awhile. About who I am, and...who I want to be."

Benji hums in acknowledgment. 

"I'm pretty sure I've always known I was different but...I'm afraid of accepting who I am. I'm scared _shitless_ , Benji...of not fitting in." He admits, voice shaking.

**Hey...** Benji whispers, the ghost of a warm touch settling on his hand. **It's okay. You can talk to me about anything.**

"Benji...after watching you come out to your parents in the hospital, I realized that I didn't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to hide anymore, atleast...not from _you_." Victor continues.

The weight of Benji's hand remains constant, him staying silent to listen to Victor.

Victor takes a deep breath, "Benji, I..." he pauses, "I'm gay."

Silence falls between them for a few moments, and Victor finds himself getting worried the longer Benji doesn't respond. 

_Did he close their connection? Was he repulsed by Victor? Did he not want to talk to Victor anymore because him being gay would complicate or make their relationship weird._

When Benji finally speaks up, Victor is relieved to the core.

**Victor...** Benji breathes out, seemingly at a loss for words.

"Yeah." Victor answers, understanding what Benji is trying to say.

**That's...that's so great. I'm so proud of you, Victor. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that.**

Victor smiles, "You make it pretty easy."

Benji laughs softly. **I try my hardest.**

A comfortable silence falls between them, but Victor can feel Benji's presence there within him, stronger than ever before.

Victor sighs, "Well...I should probably get back to this homework."

**Yeah**. Benji says...voice slightly disappointed.

"We'll talk soon...as soon as I finish this math homework." Victor laughs, praying to whatever higher power could hear him that he could magically figure this work out. The quicker he did meant the quicker he got to talk to Benji.

**I'm holding you to that.**

Victor goes to shift his focus back to his work, but Benji cuts in again.

**Oh, and Victor?**

"Hmm?" Victor says.

**Who you are is...really great.**

Victor blushes, ducking his head and smiling shyly.

_Jesus Christ...he was so far gone for this boy. And no doubt he'd end up with his heart broken._

_It would be worth it though._


	6. Moves, Shoes and Carnivals (Oh My!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor struggles to cope with Benji's new relationship, which puts a strain on their connection. Before he knows it it's time to move, and he's worried that the closeness to this person who's still a stranger, who he loves, might be too much and not enough. Victor meets a guy at his new school that leaves his heart racing, in the same way it does when he talks to Benji. And his name is Benji. Coincidence, or is the universe trying to torture Victor?

**VICTOR POV:**

The next few months leading up to Victor's impending move to Atlanta go faster than expected, leaving Victor with little-to-no time to prepare.

Things between he and Benji become different then they had been all those months before. In the weeks following Benji's accident, he'd gone out on his date with Derek, and they'd officially gotten into a relationship.

Victor tried to push aside his feelings, tried to be happy for Benji, because after the hell that Benji had been through...he deserved to be happy.

_Even if that happiness didn't include Victor, or no longer came from Victor._

The longer their relationship went on, the more strained Victor and Benji's connection became. He wanted to reach out to Benji all the time, but he found that Benji was most often busy or preoccupied with Derek.

On the rare occasion that they were able to talk, Benji talked about Derek the entire time. About their adventurous and fun dates, about their relationship milestones, about how they'd formed a band together over their shared love of music.

Victor would listen and pretend to be fully engaged and supportive, but honestly his heart wasn't there.

_His heart was in the palm of Benji's hand, and Benji was squeezing the life out of it without even knowing._

Eventually, Victor started to pull himself away...made himself more unavailable, despite it leaving him just as lonely as before.

He didn't completely shut Benji out, but he didn't try as hard to fight for his attention. And, much to his disappointment, Benji wasn't all that concerned with keeping his.

Before Victor realized it, it was nearing the day of his move. Practically his entire apartment, his entire life, was packed up into boxes and prepared to go away.

Victor finished the remainder of his necessary assignments needed to transfer to his new school, which he recently learned was called Creekwood High.

_Creekwood High...hopefully his fresh start, his new escape from the life, the secrets he was leaving behind in Texas._

Hopefully his distraction from the heartbreak of seeing Benji happy with someone who wasn't him, happy without him...

~

In the blink of an eye, the day was finally here. He and his family were leaving Texas behind for good...moving towards their new lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

He was extremely nervous, anxious, but excited. 

As Victor collected the rest of his belongings, he looked at his now empty bedroom, hit with a wave of nostalgia. As much as this house contained memories he'd like to forget, there were so many here, in his room...that he wanted to remember.

_A majority of them experienced with Benji. Or, hell, all of them._

Victor doesn't even realize that he opened his connection with Benji until he hears his voice echoe in his head.

** It's finally moving day, huh? Benji asks. **

"Yeah." Victor breathes out, looking around the room to show Benji what it looked like.

** Wow...it's empty.  **

** How are you feeling? **

"Honestly? I'm scared shitless of starting over in a new place. But...I'm excited to have a fresh start, y'know?"

** Yeah...definitely understand that. **

Victor sighs, "I had a lot of great memories here in this house, well...this room. A lot of them with you."

Benji laughs softly. **Yeah...we had some good times here.**

Victor's eyes burn with unshed tears, and he moves his hand up to swipe them away.

** Hey...don't cry. Just because you're moving somewhere new doesn't mean I'm going anywhere. I'm sure that we're connected for life. **

Victor laughs wetly, "I sure hope so."

** You're making me cry now, stop it.  **

Victor laughs when he feels a hand swat at his arm. He returns the favor.

** Wait, you never told me...where are you moving to? **

Victor's eyes widen, panic settling deep in his stomach. He'd forgotten that he'd have to eventually tell Benji that he was moving to Atlanta. That they'd be in the same place...so close to eachother.

_Fuck_.

**Victor...I can sense your panic. What's going on?**

"Benji, I...uh..." he pauses, "I put off telling you where I was moving because I didn't want you to get mad." he admits.

**Why would I get mad?**

**Victor...why would I-**

"Because I'm moving to Atlanta. I'm moving to Atlanta and I was afraid that you'd push me away or close me out for good if you found out that we'd be close together. Fuck, Benji...I'm sorry, I-"

Victor freezes when he feels a warm hand rest against his cheek.

**Victor...stop.**

"You...you aren't mad?" Victor whispers.

**Of course not. I mean...It's completely terrifying to think that you'll be so close but, it's exciting to. Like...maybe this connection happened for a reason, y'know?**

Victor smiles, bringing his hand up to rest against his own cheek.

"Yeah..." he clears his throat, "Benji, look...we don't have to meet if you don't want to. The ball is _completely_ in your court, no pun intended." 

Benji snorts, **Look...I'm not promising I'll be ready for it immediately but, I'm not against meeting you.**

**If it's meant to be, it will happen.**

Victor smiles, "Yeah. I like that..."

"Victor, Pilar, Adrian...the truck is here! Let's go!" His mother calls out from the hallway.

Victor sighs, "Well...it looks like its time for me to go."

**Okay. Be safe, Victor. And, uh...let me know when you get to your new place, okay?**

"I will, I promise. Feel free to tune into my mind at any time for some nice road trip views...its the best part of driving in Texas."

**I will definitely take you up on that offer. Okay, now go...and be safe.**

Victor bids Benji farewell, taking one last look around his bedroom, storing all of his memories inside his mind, before grabbing his things and leaving to meet with his family.

~

Arriving in Atlanta feels like a breath of fresh air to Victor. He watches as the cityscapes pass in a blur of colors by his window, and he can't help but smile.

_He feels like a part of the weight that had been on his shoulders for so long was gone, and he'd never felt better._

The closer he gets to his new home, his new life...and the further into Atlanta he goes, the more buzzing energy he feels building inside of him.

He's getting closer and closer to Benji, and while the prospect is terrifying, its also exhilarating. Knowing that this person who's always been such a big part of his life even in distance, was now so close within his reach.

_He clinged to Benji's words like a lifeline, hoping that them meeting was meant to be_.

**Welcome to Atlanta.** Benji's voice echoes in his head, and his heart flutters. He reaches over to squeeze his own hand, silently communicating to Benji.

It's only a matter of time before they're arriving at their new home. Victor decides to put down his wall with Benji for the time being, only so he doesn't give too much away about his new life yet.

It's only a short time after arriving to his apartment that he meets his first new friend, a loud, outspoken and crazy-in-an-endearing-way named Felix...who basically declares them instant besties, hands him a walkie-talkie and says he'll pick Victor up for school the next morning.

He's overwhelmed but also relieved at having someone instantly at his side. 

_He wishes that it could be Benji, though._

Victor helps move all of the boxes into the apartment, leaving him exhausted and ready to sleep the night away.

As soon as he's settled in his room, apart from a few stray boxes, Victor flops down onto his bed...opening the connection and hoping to connect with Benji.

When he's met with silence, he closes his eyes and focuses in on their connection. When he opens his eyes, he's in an unfamiliar bedroom. One that isn't Benji's.

His heart sinks when he sees a shirtless Derek laying beside Benji, smiling fondly at him. He can feel the love radiating off of Benji in waves, making Victor's heart shatter into a million pieces.

Victor decides not to intrude on Benji's moment or happiness, and decides to put down his wall again. He's disappointed, and feels extremely lonely.

He just really wants his fresh start in Atlanta, but he's already starting it with a broken heart, instead of with the person who owns his heart.

Victor tries to get sleep that night, mind scattered and leaving him restless.

~

The next morning a very eager Felix shows up extremely early to Victor's apartment, seemingly more excited about Victor's first day than Victor is.

He walks with Felix towards his new school, anxiety and nerves all bundled up together with a whole variety of emotions inside of him. He half-listens as Felix rambles a million words a minute.

"The whole word is your oyster. New school...you can be whoever you want to be." Victor hears from Felix's extensive tangeant, actually absorbing the words.

_That's what he's hoping will happen._

Felix rambles on for awhile more about being a blank canvas and painting the brush strokes that define who you want to be...whatever that means, but then he says...

"So, who _are_ you, Victor?"

_And Victor honestly has no freaking idea who he is. He has a small idea, but isn't completely ready to share that with the world yet._

Instead of answering, he stays silent, hoping that Felix will let it go and move forward.

Much to his appreciation, Felix does just that. He takes Victor on a tour of the school, which then gets handed off to the Vice Principal.

She talks to him about Simon Spier, an apparent Creekwood High gay legend that professed his love for another boy at the Winter Carnival, an event that's left an impact on the Creekwood community.

And Victor...he's inspired. He's inspired and hopeful that maybe, Creekwood will be just as accepting to him and maybe...he'll find his epic love story here too.

_Maybe, he'll get to have that with Benji. Atleast, he wished..._

Victor is left to his own devices, meeting a few more new students along his way. They're named Lake and Mia, and they're both extremely friendly. Lake did try to pry for too much information too fast, though.

"Is there a girl back home?"

Victor found himself floundering for the right answer, wondering whether or not he should tell these strangers that he's in fact gay, and very much taken by his feelings for a boy he's never met or seen apart from in his mind.

So yeah, no, Victor doesn't tell them any of that, instead settling on, "Nope, no girl back in Texas."

_Simple enough._

Victor meets back up with Felix, who walks him to his first class of the day. Felix is going off on another one of his tangeants---he seems to do that alot---but Victor finds himself completely zoning out when something, rather someone, catches his eye from across the hallway.

Not just someone, but probably the most beautiful guy he's ever laid eyes on. He feels all of the feelings that he'd felt when he talked to and touched Benji...his face flushed, his hands grew sweaty and a warm fuzzy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach...his heart racing like crazy in his ribcage.

_Holy. Shit._

Victor's eyes are wide, undivided attention on this stranger who walks down the hallway, drinks from the fountain and flips his hair in a way that drives Victor mad, all in seemingly slow motion.

_Why does it look like he's walking in slow motion. Is he that perfect?_

Victor blinks himself out of his trance quick enough to school his features as the stranger approaches him and Felix, greeting Felix before looking at him.

Victor flushes under his intense gaze, which darts up and down his body.

_Holy. Shit._

"Nice shoes. Vintage Nike Cortezes?" The stranger asks, and fuck...Victor can't get his brain to function.

He glances down at his shoes, scrambling his brain for a coherent response.

"YEAH! Yeah...my mom got em' at a garage sale just because they were my size. She didn't even know how _cool_ they were!" Victor rambles out, mentally slapping himself.

_Get your shit together, Salazar._

The stranger raises an eyebrow, half of his mouth turning up into an amused smile.

"Not saying that my shoes are cool..." Victor corrects quickly, earning a laugh from the stranger.

_Holy shit, his laugh was so freaking nice._

"No, they are!" He counters, "It sounds like those shoes were your _destiny_." he adds with a smile.

Victor is frozen, Benji's words from the other day echoing in his mind.

**Maybe this connection happened for a reason, y'know?**

"If you believe in that kind of thing." He adds, snapping Victor out of his thoughts.

Victor smiles, "Yeah, I-I do. Believe in uh...cool kicks."

Victor mentally slaps himself again, wanting to crawl into a hole and disappear. If Benji was seeing this interaction right now, he would no doubt be laughing up a storm.

_Instead, Benji has been silent. There's been radioactive silence, and Victor is hurt and sad because of it._

He shakes himself from his thoughts when the school bell rings, turning back to the stranger, who offers his hand.

"Well it was really nice to meet you, uh..." he pauses, looking at Victor expectantly.

"Victor." Victor offers, grabbing his hand and shaking it.

Victor is sure he sees something flicker inside the stranger's eyes, and is sure he feels something electrical between their hands as they embrace, but doesn't think too far into it.

And as if the universe wasn't cruel enough, the stranger offered his name back.

"Benji."

And Victor felt like his world was turned on it's axis.

Was this some kind of sick, twisted joke? Not only was he not able to connect with Benji, but now he met another guy, an insanely attractive and endearing guy, with the same name?

A small part of Victor wonders if maybe, maybe that's his Benji...

But then he shakes himself from his thoughts. There's no way.

So he drags himself into his gym class, and then goes through the motions of the rest of his day. Before he knows it lunch time comes around, and he already has made an unwanted enemy at school.

Andrew, who decided it would be funny to call Victor poor and then create a gofundme for shits and giggles. Oh, and then he decided to knock Victor's lunch all over the ground.

_Fucking great. It was times like these that Victor wished Benji would show up in his mind and just make everything better like he always did._

And once again, the universe decided to torture him by sending this new Benji to save the day.

He looked like heaven with the sun shining behind him, eyes open and warm...hand offered out to him.

Victor felt a pull towards him, and accepted his hand...that same bolt of electricity burning between them.

His gaze lingers on Benji's for a second too long, before he storms off...the feeling too much.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and he managed to get home with a messed up friendship with Felix, and his still-arguing parents.

_Also, Benji was radioactively silent, and it was slowly tearing Victor apart._

Victor disappears to his room, flopping down onto his bed. He decides that he wants to atleast try and repair whats left of the day, starting by reaching out to Felix to accept his invitation to the winter carnival.

Then, Victor decides to be brave and reach out to Simon Spier for advice. Well, more like pile all his shit onto Simon in a demeaning way and hope he understands.

Victor goes to the winter carnival that night, the universe deciding to torture him again when he crosses paths with Benji, not his Benji, yet again.

Coincidentally, right as Simon answers him back.

_You deserve one too, Victor._

And fuck if he didn't have hope.

Victor walked towards Benji, trying to gain the courage to ask him to ride the Ferris Wheel. Instead it was too much. He couldn't do that without thinking about his Benji, the one he still didn't hear from...the one he'd fallen head over heels for, in the way he felt like he was falling for this one too.

_The universe really was cruel, huh?_

As Victor locked eyes with Benji, walking past him...he felt something spark between them, and couldn't pinpoint what it was.

Instead of dwelling on it, he asks the nice new girl Mia to ride the Ferris Wheel. Not because he plans on getting romantic with her, he can't...not with how he feels for Benji. But just as a distraction.

And it doesn't turn out too bad. While Victor sits in silence beside her, a flash passes his eyes and suddenly he's looking at the Ferris Wheel from the ground.

Holy fucking shit...Benji is here, at the carnival.

~

Later that night, Benji lies awake in bed, mind spinning with the revelation that Benji was actually so close to Victor tonight. Victor didn'tknow who to look for or even if Benji wanted to be found, but it was exciting and terrifying to know he'd been so close.

As Victor finally falls into a restless sleep, his mind is occupied with two images...the Benji that he'd met on his first day that left his heart racing, and the Benji he'd been connected to his entire life that made his heart ache with longing and want.

Silently, he wished that they were one and the same.


	7. Vivid Dreams and Expresso Machines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor has a dream that only further complicates his confusing new feelings for the new Benji, and the Benji that already owned his heart. After waking up from his dream-turned-nightmare, Benji suddenly appears after two days...and Victor is furious. They have their first fight. Will it be resolved? And how will Victor handle his second day at Creekwood when new Benji seems to keep being thrown towards him.

**VICTOR'S POV:**

One minute Victor is lying awake in his bed, restlessly thinking about the cruelty of the universe dropping two Benji's into his life and making it even more complicated than it already is, and in the next he's...

back at the winter carnival...on the Ferris Wheel?

Victor is almost positive that he's dreaming, or that the universe really is out to get him...because he glances beside him and sees Benji, well... _new_ Benji, sitting beside him.

And fuck...he looks like a literal dream with the colorful lights of the Ferris Wheel casting a shadow off of his face, illuminating all of his perfect features.

_They were all perfect, to be honest._

Victor feels his heart racing rapidly in his chest as he keeps his eyes trailed out straight ahead into the nightlife of the carnival, and the seemingly neverending city skyline.

_It's all beautiful, and so perfect, and this moment is perfect..._

And this is absolutely, without a doubt, a dream. But _fuck_...if he wasn't going to enjoy every single moment of it.

_Maybe even pretend for a moment that he's experiencing it with his Benji._

"Wow, we're, uh...pretty high up, huh?" Victor says conversationally, hands fidgeting nervously.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Are you afraid of heights?"

Victor schools his features quickly, shaking his head, " _No_ ! No...this is amazing, I, uh...love this!" he rambles out.

Benji laughs fondly, "Well, see the trick is...not looking down..."

Victor turns to meet his gaze, which is just as piercing and intense as he first remembered it, "Just...look at _me_."

Victor lets out a breath, eyes flickering down to Benji's lips before looking back up to meet his eyes. He sees Benji do the same, leaning and does the same. Just before their lips touch...the crowd starts booing them.

Victor sees all of the faces of those he loves in that crowd, his family, his friends...even Benji who doesn't yet have a face. And Victor is suddenly bolting upright in bed, skin glistening with sweat and chest heaving for air.

**Victor?**

Victor's heart nearly stops when he hears Benji's voice in his head. He's both relieved, and furious at the same time.

"Benji." Victor says quietly, voice monotone.

**I sensed that something was wrong. Are you alright?**

"Do you even _care_?" Victor snaps before he can stop himself, the guilt almost instant.

**What? Of course I do...why wouldn't I?**

Victor can't stop himself now, emotions from the last few days combined with his nightmares running high, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you didn't reach out at all on my first night here, or before my first day at my new school."

There is silence, and Victor wonders if he pushed too far.

**Victor, I'm sorry.**

"No, it's okay. I _get_ it, Benji. You have a boyfriend now and you're busy and don't have time to put up with my problems anymore." Victor whispers, no heat behind the words, just sadness.

Benji sighs. **Victor, fuck, I...that's not true at all. That's so far from the truth. I never meant to make you feel like you aren't important to me, okay?**

**Fuck, you're so important to me, Victor. I'm so sorry.**

Victor sighs, "No, it's _okay_ , Benji. I'm glad you're happy."

**I'm not happy if you're hurting, Victor. Especially not if its because of me. You forget that I can feel your pain. I was distracted and selfish and...god. I messed up.**

**You needed me and I wasn't there.**

"Benji..."

**No Victor, I'm sorry, okay? I'm happy when you're happy. We've been connected for our entire lives, okay? You're the most important person in my life, no argument.**

**You've always been there. And I'm sorry I haven't been.**

Victor smiles softly, "You're important to me too, Benji. And I forgive you. Hell, I was never mad, but...I know that there's going to be people that come into your life that will be a higher priority, including your boyfriend, and that's okay."

**No. Nobody is more important than you. Victor. You're everything.**

Victor's heart starts racing in his chest, a blush settling on his cheeks. 

"The feeling is mutual." Victor breathes out.

Benji laughs softly. **So...do you forgive me?**

"I already have, B. I can't stay mad at you for long."

**Thank God. So, uh...how are things going so far at your new school and everything?**

Victor laughs, "Well, uh... _pretty_ good. I had a few minor first day incidents. Humiliated myself in front of probably the hottest guy I've ever seen and then had a run in with the school's stereotypical jock."

Benji snorts. **Sounds pretty legit. So...hottest guy you've ever seen, huh?**

"Yeah, I...uh. I think he might've been giving off some vibes and I made a _complete_ ass of myself." Victor groans.

**I'm sure you weren't that bad. You're a total catch, Victor.**

"You're not so bad yourself, Benji. Although...this guy just _might_ have you beat." Victor teases.

He feels a strange sensation in his chest, one that he knows isnt his. It's Benji's and he can't quite figure out what it is.

**Oh, _really_? Well that stings.**

_Oh...oh. So that's what that feeling is..._

Victor smirks, "Now, _Benji_...you wouldn't be _jealous_ , would you?"

**Of course I would. Some guy is coming for my title.**

"Hey...nobody could ever come before you, Benji. Like you said about me. It's all the same for you." 

**Okay, good.** Benji laughs in relief.

They switch topics, talking about anything and everything under the sun, and for a second Victor forgets how hopelessly in love he is with Benji, and how his heart is breaking more and more everyday.

_Like he said, he's okay with that. But how long could he go on being okay with it...before it becomes too much?_

_Maybe he needed to pull away and distract himself._

~

**BENJI'S POV:**

Benji walks towards the entrance to Creekwood the next day, a bounce in his step that wasn't there before.

Things had been tense with Derek, and it had definitely been wearing on him. He puts on a front that his relationship is perfect, though probably more to convince himself than anything.

Talking to Victor for hours the previous night helped a lot. The more they talked, the more Benji wanted to meet him, to see him...to actually touch him and know hes real.

Benji smiles when he thinks about Victor, and decides to do a quick check in to see how he is.

_He's not going to make the mistake of falling short in their connection again._

He closes his eyes and focuses in on Victor's energy as he usually does, opening his eyes to see the faint image of...

_wait...what the hell?_

_Is that...the hallway of Creekwood?_

_Victor was...he's here, at Creekwood? This is his new school? He's here now. Victor is here now_.

And then Benji remembers the new kid that he'd met just the other day, who was coincidentally also named Victor...as if the universe wasn't torturing him enough.

_Maybe that was...No...it couldn't be. There's no way them crossing paths for the first time could be that easy._

Benji feels his heart race, a million feelings crossing his mind. He shakes himself out of his thoughts, closing the door to their connection and walking into school.

Silently hoping that he'd have a run in with the boy he's been connected to his entire life, that made him feel like nobody else.

~

**VICTOR POV:**

After talking the night away with Benji, Victor wakes up feeling lighter than he had in the longest time, and more than ready to face whatever challenges his second day at Creekwood presented.

He goes through the normal motions of his morning routine, including a unsurprisingly tense breakfast with family...before meeting with Felix to head to school.

Instead of going directly to Creekwood, Felix takes a detour towards the local coffee shop, Brasstown.

Victor is silently grateful for the change in course, since he was in desperate need of caffeine to get through the day. And as if his luck couldn't get any better...they were hiring.

Victor needed money in order to pay for the fees to join the basketball team, and this seemed like the perfect job opportunity landing right in his lap. After accepting whatever order Felix put in for him, he takes an application to fill out.

_This day couldnt possibly get any better._

And then, as if the universe had some sick vendetta towards him, the day started to go downhill drastically.

When he arrived at school, he quickly learned that someone had posted about his Ferris Wheel excursion with Mia Brooks on Creeksecrets, dubbing them a couple.

Victor wanted to be quick to deny it, because it wasn't true at all and, all of the stares and attention made him quite uncomfortable.

It also made him feel like he was finally fitting in, and so he embraced the new and exciting feeling, smiling and waving at all the students looking at him.

He could correct them later. But for now, he was content having this new positive attention on him compared to the judgement of the previous day.

The basketball team teases Victor about his new relationship with Mia, and Victor finds himself playing around for the hell of it. And if it for some reason makes Andrew angry also, then fuck it...he'd milk it for all it was worth.

Without outright confirming a relationship that was nonexistent, of course.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, and before Victor realizes it he's done school for the day, deciding to go and drop his application off at Brasstown.

~

Victor walks into the café, eyes scanning around for the woman from earlier, the manager he presumed, to hand in his application.

When he didn't see her, he decided to just approach the counter and ask the employee where to drop his application.

Victor clears his throat, "Uh, excuse me?" he asks shyly.

When the employee turns around, Victor nearly collapses on the spot. _No fucking way that he worked here._

_The universe really was out to get him._

Victor's eyes widen when the new Benji offers him a beaming smile, turning to walk towards the counter.

"Hey man! What's up?" he greets him, smile still wide.

Victor is silent for a long time, frozen in his spot.

Benji raises an eyebrow amusedly, "It's _Benji_...from school." he supplies, looking slightly offended.

_Yeah, I don't need the reminder, universe._

Instead of being anything but casual, Victor replies with, "Oh, uh...I just wanted to interview for the barista job..."

Victor finds himself internally panicking, deciding that he'd absolutely come back another time, preferably when the hottest guy he's ever seen wasnt working behind the counter.

"But it's okay I'll just-" Victor starts, being cut off as Benji eagerly rips the application out of his hand.

He grins, raising his eyebrows, "Lucky for _you_...I'm the assistant manager."

_Oh shit_.

Victor stands frozen at his words, hands still stuck mid-air where they were...mind floundering for a coherent response.

"C'mon back...let's talk." He says, looking down at Victor's application.

Victor laughs shyly, finally getting himself to move and walking around the counter, putting his stuff down and walking to put some distance between him and new Benji.

_There was no way this was going to end well._

"So, Victor...do you have any experience making coffee?" Benji asks, presumably starting an interview behind the counter during a busy shift.

_Did interviews normally happen like this?_

Victor clears his throat, "Oh, I, uh...I have experience _drinking_ coffee." he jokes.

Benji laughs, which makes his heart race, "Well, it's not rocket science. Once you can pull a shot of expresso you can basically make any drink. Here...watch."

Benji puts down his application, turning his focus towards the expresso machine. He begins to explain the routine, but Victor finds himself zoning out...instead focusing on all of Benji's flawless features up close.

His voice fades out, and Victor can't help but stare as their interaction starts to go in slow motion. Benji shoots him a grin that leaves him shaking, and Victor immediately tries to focus in on what he's doing.

Instead, he zones in on his arm muscles, which bend and contract as he packs the coffee grounds.

_Holy fuck._

He almost doesnt hear when Benji speaks up, "See how _tight_ that is?"

Victor feels his mouth go dry and heat pool into his stomach, and finds himself with wide eyes and a light-lipped smile...nodding mechanically. He didn't know how to respond to that.

Benji turns away and Victor once again finds himself entranced by his charm. Benji flips his hair the same way he did in the hallway the other day, and Victor swoons.

Yeah, that's probably a health code violation, but its also a violation to Victor's own health. And then Benji somehow manages to make pouring milk hot, and Victor starts to question what exactly he finds attractive in a guy.

_Was this really as erotic as he was making it out to be?_

"Here...you try." Benji says, snapping him from his thoughts.

Victor immediately walks forward, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest at their close proximity...where he could now feel Benji's body heat radiating towards him.

_Fuck. Focus, Victor._

Benji hands him the cup, his hand grazing Victor's and lingering there as he guides him. Victor barely does anything, too distracted by the sparks erupting between their hands.

"There you go. You're a _natural_." Benji says softly, and Victor looks over to see Benji's gaze lingering on him.

Their eyes lock, and Victor finds himself entranced. He swears he sees something spark behind Benji's eyes, and for a second he wants to believe its recognition...that this is his Benji.

As quickly as the feeling comes, it's gone when replaced by the sound of spluttering, followed by the splatter of steamed milk all over them.

_And yeah, that really fit the situation._

"I'm so sorry!" Victor apologizes, guilt and embarrassment eminating off of him in waves.

Benji shakes his head, reaching behind him for a clean rag, "It's okay."

And Benji proceeds to dab the steamed milk out of his hoodie, making his way down his abdomen. Every single part of his skin burns at the touch and nope...Victor can't do this.

He pulls away, stumbling backwards, "You know what. This was a bad idea..."

Victor avoids his gaze as he quickly collects his things and storms out of the café and as far away as possible.

Once he's around the corner he stops to lean against a nearby wall, his heart racing in his chest and mind spinning.

_He can't even begin to unpack what just unfolded back there...the things he was feeling that he was almost certain Benji was feeling too._

_He felt something shift between them, but wasn't sure what it was._ Instead of dwelling on it, Victor made his way home.

He decided to reconsider the invitation to Mia's Stoplight Party that night, eager for the distraction from the endless pit of his thoughts.

Victor decided that fuck it, he was going to wear yellow to represent his feelings for new Benji, and HIS Benji, and hell...if people thought it was for Mia, then who cares.

~


	8. Yellow Light Inside My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following a very interesting interview with Benji at Brasstown that leaves his mind and feelings even more scattered, Victor decides to attend Mia's party...eager for a distraction. It's there, and afterwards that he has several important, maybe even life changing revelations.

**VICTOR'S POV:**

Victor walks out into his living room to meet Felix, who is thrilled to see that Victor wore yellow. He's still convinced that Victor is in love with Mia, and Victor doesn't have it in him to correct him, or begin to unpack all of the things he's feeling about new Benji, his Benji, his family, his new life here in Atlanta...any of it.

_Instead, he just goes along with it._

Victor's dad enters the room at some point, poking fun at how they both look like bananas, and Victor wants to escape before he can ask too many questions.

But of course, Felix has to mention it being Mia's party, who's into Victor...and then his father and Felix talk about how gorgeous she is.

And Victor has never seen his father more thrilled. This was the first time he'd ever heard of Victor associated romantically with a girl.

_Fuck_.

So he forces a smile and pretends to agree that yes...he'd show Mia a good time, before leaving to the party with Felix.

_He just might have to drink away his feelings tonight._

Before he knows it hes arriving at what appears to be a mansion, filled to the brink with sweaty, intoxicated, horny teenagers dressed like streetlights dancing and chatting.

_Victor has never been to a party like this before, and he's honestly thrilled._

He's instantly greeted by his fellow basketball teammates, who drag him off away from Felix towards the backyard. He feels guilty, but decides to follow along anyway.

Victor follows them into the backyard, where Andrew goes into a spiel about coming off as thirsty, which is definitely a plot to prevent him from going after Mia because Andrew is _clearly_ bothered by that, handing Victor his jacket.

Victor takes the jacket with an eyeroll, accepting the unfamiliar drink placed in his hands.

**A party, huh? Didn't peg you as a teenager rager kind of guy.**

Victor smiles at the sound of Benji's voice, suddenly not feeling as overwhelmed or alone as he initially was. He falls into conversation with the team, trying his hardest to fit in.

Benji adds his own usual commentary to keep Victor amused, and Victor has to keep stopping himself from snorting into his still full red solo cup.

A short time later Victor ends up sitting somewhere with a completely hammered Felix in his lap, and decides that he needs a break from the party. Simon messages him, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip away.

He travels into the house and slips into a nearby bathroom, locking the door and reading the message.

Once he's done, he takes a few seconds to compose himself...letting Simon's words sink in.

_ If you ride the Ferris Wheel with a pretty girl...Make sure it's because you want to...not because other people want you to. _

_ Fuck. _

** Hey, are you okay? **

Victor sighs, "Yeah, I'm fine. Not used to the party scene, I guess."

**Yeah...not really my scene anymore either. It's kind of triggering to be experiencing it again, to be honest.**

_Shit_. Victor forgot that Benji could see, feel and experience everything that he was. And while he was happy Benji was looking out for him, he couldn't help but feel guilty for putting him right in the face of his addiction.

"Benji, I'm so sorry. I forgot that you might be seeing this..." Victor apologizes.

**Victor, it's okay...really. I've been sober for months now. And yes it's a bit difficult but, I trust you.**

**And thanks for not drinking, by the way. I don't know how that would end up.**

Victor smiles, "I'm not really a fan of alcohol anyway."

Benji laughs. **Good...don't be. It doesn't do any good in the long run.**

**So...are you going to get back out there?**

"I don't know. I might just hide away in here from the crowd and talk to you." Victor admits, leaning against the bathroom counter.

**That sounds great but...I am tapping in and out since I'm at work. But hey...I'll check in again soon, okay?**

"Sounds good." Victor says.

He takes a minute to compose himself before rejoining the crew outside. He finds Felix intoxicated and asleep, the team drawing on him and teasing him. Victor decides to take him inside, deciding that he's done with the bullshit tonight.

After getting Felix together, and a really nice conversation with Mia...Victor finds himself turning in early and getting them home.

Later that night Victor runs into his father, making up a story about how he had a great time. Against his better judgement, he decides to ask his father a question that's been lingering in his mind.

"Uh, hey...Pap? How did you know that mom was the _one_ for you?" Victor asks.

He isn't sure he's going to want to hear it, but he almost needs the validation that his feelings for these two guys in his life, HIS Benji and this new Benji, were real and actually leading somewhere.

Armando smiles, walking over to lean against the wall in front of him. 

"Well, uh...we both had these after school jobs at this crappy diner..." he starts, talking fondly about how his mother was a terrible waitress.

_Huh, sounds familiar._

He continues on talking about how charming and beautiful she was, and how he'd asked her out. He talks about their first date and how her emotions became his emotions.

Victor was in a trance, listening intently.

"I never felt so _connected_ to anyone, and that's when I knew." He finishes off, his words hitting Victor like a ton of bricks.

_That's how he felt for Benji...his Benji that he was connected to emotionally and physically his entire life. Benji's pain was his pain, metaphorically and literally...and he'd never felt more connected to anyone the way he was to him._

_And despite never seeing him before, he still fell head over heels._

_That's it for him. Benji is it for him._

Victor flops down onto his bed, composing a message back to Simon. He talks about the events of the day and his newfound friendship with Mia.

He likes Mia, he really does and...he feels connected to her. Just, not in a romantic way. Not in the way he feels when he hears Benji's voice...feels the phantom presence of his touch, warm and comforting.

He's pulled from his thoughts when he gets a call from an unknown number.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he presses answer and brings the phone up to his ear.

"H-Hello?" He says.

"Victor, hey...it's me, Benji..." Victor's heart nearly stops, "Sorry it's late...I hope I'm not waking you up."

Victor immediately flounders for a response, "No, I'm up!" he says a bit too eagerly, "What's going on?"

Benji clears his throat, "Look, I know today's barista lesson didn't go _perfectly_ but, since none of the rich ass kids at school need jobs you're _kind of_ my only applicant..."

Victor freezes, "So, the position is yours. If you want it."

_After-school jobs. Crappy diners (café). Terrible waitress. Charming. Beautiful. Never felt so connected to anyone before._

Armando's words repeat and echoe in Victor's mind, leaving it in shambles. He knows in his heart that his Benji is IT for him, but he also knows its likely to never go anywhere. And he likes this Benji too.

_He feels something between them, and wants to give it a chance. Maybe this was a sign._

Victor clears his throat, "Yeah. That sounds good. Thanks."

Benji lets out a breath, "Well, see you tomorrow. And _everyday_ after school...until the end of time. We'll be spending a lot of time together."

_And holy shit, if that doesn't sound like music to Victor's ears._

He laughs softly, "I can't wait."

The call ends, and Victor falls back onto his pillow, mind racing as fast as his heart in his chest.

A long time later, his Benji's voice pulls him from his thoughts.

**Hey...you feel happy tonight. Did you have fun at the party?**

Victor sighs, "Uh, I mean...yeah. I did."

**Any exciting news?**

"No, just...I think I just realized something important tonight. About myself." Victor admits.

Benji hums, **Care to share?**

Victor smiles, "When I know, you'll know."

They chat for awhile until they both fall asleep, Victor more sure now than of anything in his life.


	9. So Call Me Maybe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor decides to start a newfound friendship with Mia, who's he's grown fond of since his short time of being in Atlanta. When Victor shares an intense moment with Benji during his first day of work, he decides to spend time with Mia to distract himself, and to hide away from Benji's unreadable advances. What happens when Victor has a life-altering epiphany in the form of a singing voice, and a heartbreaking display of love?

** ALTERNATING POV: **

The next day Victor wakes up feeling more anxious than usual. Today was the day that he'd have his first shift, first training session, at Brasstown with Benji. 

_ He was nervous, but also excited to see where this thing between them---well, working together---could lead. _

Victor goes through his morning routine and its not long before he's at Creekwood, starting yet another day of school. The day passes by relatively quickly.

Victor runs into Felix at one point in the school hallway, where Felix tells him all about his secret talent for DJ'ing and how he is performing in this Battle of the Bands show soon. He also divulges more of his secret talents to Victor, some that Victor didn't need to know, but found funny regardless.

_ Talking to Felix could really brighten his day. _

After saying their goodbyes and separating, the rest of the day goes quickly, and before he knows it he's making his way towards the exit of school to make his way to Brasstown.

Victor takes a slight detour when he sees Mia in the art room. They have a friendly conversation, and Victor suggests that they hangout sometime as friends.

They part ways, and Victor makes his way out of school...starting on his journey to Brasstown.

He has a pretty decent walk ahead of him, and decides to chat with Benji.

"Hey, Benji...you there?" He says quietly, trying not to draw attention to himself.

** Victor, hey! What's up? **

"I'm just walking. I start my new job today." Victor explains.

** Ooh...nice. Working boy now, huh? **

Victor laughs, shaking his head.

** Guess we're going to both be working boys now. Hopefully we can still check in once in awhile. **

"I sure hope so." Victor says.

** Well, I have a new employee coming in that I'm going to be training today, so I will be pretty preoccupied until later. But, I'll talk to you tonight? **

Victor smiles, "Yeah, tonight."

** Okay, see you...well, talk to you, then.  ** Benji laughs.

Victor finishes his walk, reaching Brasstown in record time. He heads inside and, after composing himself, approaches the counter to greet Benji.

"Hey, Benji." He says.

Benji turns around from his task, smiling, "Victor, hey! Ready to become a barista?"

Victor shrugs, "Ready as I'll ever be. I promise not to spill steamed milk on you again. Or, I'll atleast _try_."

Benji laughs, "Trust me...not the worst thing to ever happen to me during training. Come on back...let's get started."

Victor follows Benji into the back, getting assigned a locker and given an apron, before they come back out and Benji begins showing him around.

It's a relatively quiet afternoon, which allows for Victor to learn everything pretty quickly, and even leaves room for them to chat and get to know eachother.

Victor learns a lot about Benji, and realizes that he actually has a lot in common with HIS Benji. Apart from that, Victor just really likes him and enioys his company.

_ He's easy to talk to, patient, kind, and hilarious. They fall into an easy routine, working flawlessly side-by-side like they'd done it for years. _

_ And Victor...he's never felt happier. _

Before he knows it his entire first shift passes by in a flash, and they're getting ready to close down for the night. 

Victor is just cleaning up behind the counter when Benji approaches him, "Hey, good work today. Caught on fast."

Victor smiles, "Thanks. I did have an _excellent_ trainer."

Benji laughs, walking over to flip the sign on the door to 'closed'...locking it behind him.

"And I had fun. _Although_..." he laughs, walking out from behind the counter, "this music is definitely getting on my nerves. It seems that five hours of easy listening is...not so easy to listen to." 

Benji laughs, nodding his head, "I know! If I hear one more gentle song about a girl forgiving her dad...I'll _lose_ my mind."

Victor snorts, "Right? Like people drink coffee to wake up."

"Yeah..." Benji agrees, leaning on the table that Victor is clearing off, "Well, Sarah's not here so if you have your phone...I can connect it to the speakers and play something."

At first Victor finds himself hesitant. What if Simon messages him, exposing all of his secrets? What if he snoops around on Victor's phone? Shit...What if judges Victor's questionable choices in music?

_ Music is the window into a person's soul, it defines every part of them. Maybe...that's why Benji wanted to use his playlist instead of his own? _

It's strange, but in the short time he's known him he feels like he could already trust Benji. So, he slides out his phone and holds it out to him.

"Yeah, sure...knock yourself out." 

Benji takes his phone, scrolling through his playlist as Victor continues cleaning up.

He hears a snort, and looks over at Benji with a raised eyebrow, "Something funny on there?"

Benji tries to school his features, laughing again, "Baby Shark is your _most_ listened to song?"

Victor groans, "Hey, I play it for my little brothed..." he defends himself.

Benji raises an eyebrow, giving him a look between fond and amused. Victor sighs.

"And, I may find it's predictability soothing?" He says in a small voice, earning a laugh from Benji.

Benji turns his attention back to the phone, scrolling further before tapping another song. Victor shakes his head when he hears it echoe on the loud speaker.

_ And this is crazy _

_ but here's my number  _

"So call me maybe..." Benji sings, doing a silly dance.

Victor glares at him, a smile threatening to cross his lips, "You're _seriously_ making fun of me right now?"

Benji shrugs, "Hey, Call Me Maybe was my _jam_ when I was little. I made up this whole dance that cracked my mom up."

"Okay, let's see." Benji says, turning to face him.

Victor raises an eyebrow, "See...what?" 

"Your dance, _c'mon_." Benji urges him.

Victor laughs, "All I remember is that it involved a lot of spinning and...rump shaking?"

Benji raises his eyebrows, "Oh, like this?"

And he proceeds to do probably the worst but most endearing dance Victor's ever seen. Victor laughs at how much he looks like a chicken.

"No, no...like _this_ , you gotta put more rump in it." He teases, dancing to show him.

Benji laughs, "Oh, _I_ gotta put more rump in it. Okay."

They proceed to break out into an embarrassingly-bad dance session as the song reaches the chorus, giggles escaping them as they bump into eachother.

_Hey, I just met you_

_and this is crazy_

_but here's my number_

_so call me maybe_

Victor's phone dings with a notification, stopping the music. Benji hands it over to him.

"Oh, looks like your _Ferris Wheel Boo_ is texting you."

Victor furrows his eyebrows, looking at the screen, "Oh, Mia..."

Benji starts to wipe down the tables, "So, what's the deal with you two, anyway? Are you dating?"

Victor is taken aback by Benji's sudden interest in the situation, but answers anyway, "Uh, no...we're just friends. I mean, she's cool. And we're going to hang out soon."

Benji nods, "Oh, cool. You should bring her here tomorrow for Battle of the Bands. And then cheer for my band, loudly...I'm _very_ insecure."

Victor feels his heart race, "You're in a band?"

Benji nods, "Yup. Lead singer. Guitar. All the good stuff."

"Wow, _impressive_." he teases.

Benji laughs, "Yeah. But seriously...you guys should come. You could even come hangout backstage after the show. And by backstage, I mean the parking lot across the street."

Victor snorts.

Benji walks towards the counter, and Victor pauses from his work, turning to stare at him.

God...he looked really good in that tight t-shirt, and that dumb smile? To die for. But while Victor wanted nothing more than to go to this show, to cheer for Benji and get to spend time with him...he feels guilty.

_Like he's betraying his Benji, by getting too close with this one. And the last thing he wants to do is risk their connection._

He decides against going to the show, "Actually, we're doing something else tomorrow night. Sorry. But I'm sure you'll be great."

Benji forces a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, "Oh...well there's always next time. And thanks."

Their gazes linger on eachother for a few seconds, before they both continue to silently clean up. Once they're done and closed for the night, they offer eachother a silent and tense goodbye before parting ways.

Victor shoots a text to Mia, making plans for the following night. He decides later that they're going to go to this art exhibit that he found.

Later that night Victor is laying in his bed, thinking about the events of the day and what had transpired. He's pulled from his thoughts by Benji's voice.

**Hey.**

Victor notes that he sounds off...tired, and is instantly worried.

"Benji, are you okay?" Victor asks.

**Huh? Oh yeah...I'm okay. Just been a long day.**

"Are you sure? You sound off...and I can feel like something is bothering you." 

**I have a gig tomorrow night with the band, and rehearsal just exhausted me out, I guess.**

Victor sighs, "Well, I'm sure you're going to be great at your gig. I'll be there in spirit, I promise."

**I wish you could actually be there.**

"Wait, _really_?" Victor asks, heart racing in his chest.

_Yeah...you're my good luck charm. If only we'd met, I would've invited you instantly._

Victor smiles, "Well, like I said...I'll be there in _spirit_. I'll even cheer for you, quietly so I don't bother your performance."

**Sounds good.**

Victor can still sense that something is off with Benji, but decides against asking about it. Instead, he changes topics and talks vaguely about his day at work.

~

**VICTOR'S POV:**

The next day goes by in a flash, and before he knows it he's getting ready for his, uh...hang, with Mia.

Victor decided to take her to this really unique art exhibit downtown, somewhere that intrigued him and he knew she'd like. Upon walking through the exhibit, Victor quickly realized just how strange and disturbing it was.

Him and Mia slip into this private area illuminated by bright neon lights in a variety of colors, sitting on a bench.

They fall into easy conversation, like they'd known eachother for years. Before Victor realizes what is happening, Mia leans in to press her lips against Victor's.

He's frozen in his spot, not responding until she pulls away...looking slightly hurt.

"Mia, I, uh..."

She frowns, "I thought you liked me. Did I read the situation wrong?"

Victor sighs, "I _do_ like you, Mia...a lot. Just...not like _that_. Just as a friend."

Mia is silent for a moment, a small smile appearing on her face, "Friends sounds good to me."

Victor lets out a breath of relief, "Oh, thank God. I'm sorry if I gave off the wrong idea. I probably should've clarified after people assumed about us on Creeksecrets."

Mia laughs, "Yeah, they do that a lot unfortunately."

Victor smiles, "So...this has been an, interesting experience. But I'm also disturbed and think we should go somewhere else."

"Yeah, I'd agree with that. You want to head to Brasstown...they're having a Battle of the Bands." She says.

_Fuck_.

Victor is silent for a moment, nerves bundled in his stomach, "Uh, _yeah_. Yeah that sounds fun! I heard Felix is performing...maybe we'll catch him."

Mia follows Victor out of the gallery and they head to Brasstown. The closer they get, the more on edge that Victor feels. He hadn't planned on coming tonight, in fact...he tried not to.

And now here he was, walking into Brasstown and silently hoping that Benji didn't see him.

Victor spots Felix in the crowd, making his way over to him.

"Hey, man!" He yells out over the music, clapping him on the shoulder.

Felix turns to look at him, raising his eyebrows with a smile, "Hey! Dude...you made it!"

"Yeah. Did we make it in time for your set?" Victor asks. 

Felix shakes his head, and Victor sends him an apologetic smile.

"Did we miss all of the performances?" He asks, and Felix and Mia nod.

Mia smiles, nudging his shoulder, "Hey don't worry. I think the winner gets to do an encore. So we'll get to see whoever was _least_ terrible."

They all laugh, and turn to face the stage when someone taps the microphone. Victor laughs when he sees his manager, Sarah, standing there.

"Alright, hello again everyone. The winner of Battle of the Bands is...no surprise here because they were the only ones who were halfway decent...the Sticky Beaks!" She announces, gesturing to the stage as the band walks out.

Victor's eyes widen when he sees Benji walk under the stage light, grabbing his guitar and walking up to the mic.

"Hey, Benji! Take your shirt off!" Lake yells, and Victor silently agrees...although that shirt fits just right over his muscles and he doesn't know what he'd rather see more.

_Jesus Christ, he looked so angelic on stage with the lights around him._

"Uh, Hi everyone. Thanks! This is a cover we just started working on." He announces, gesturing the band before they start playing a smooth groove.

Victor smiles when he locks eyes with Benji, giving him a small thumbs up.

_I threw a wish in the well_

_Don't ask me I'll never tell_

_I looked at you as it fell_

_And now you're in my way_

Victor feels his heart stop in his chest as soon as Benji's voice echoes through the café. He knows that singing voice. He's heard it before...he's sure of it.

_He knows that voice._

He finds himself frozen in shock, entranced.

_I beg and borrow and steal_

_At first sight and it's real_

_I didn't know I would feel it_

_But it's in my way_

Victor feels all of his surroundings disappear around him...feels as though its just the two of them in the room. Benji's gaze is locked on Victor, piercing and intense.

Victor flushes under the gaze.

_ Your stare was holding _

_ Ripped jeans, skin was showin' _

_ Hot night, wind was blowin' _

_ Where you think you're going baby? _

_ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy _

_ But here's my number, so call me maybe _

_ It's hard to look right at you baby _

_ But here's my number, so call me maybe _

_Hey I just met you and this is crazy_

_But here's my number, so call me maybe_

_And all the other boys try to chase me_

_But here's my number, so call me maybe_

Victor is suddenly no longer in the café, instead back in his room in Texas as a young boy, crying on the floor when he hears a guitar and soft singing.

** You are you are, my favorite medicine **

** You are you are, you're where the edge began **

** You are you are, just one last time again **

** You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in **

Victor jolts back into reality, eyes landing on Benji on the stage again.

_ Holy. Fuck...is this actually happening? Is that really? _

_ It can't be. _

Victor is shaking now, a wave of unexplainable emotions rushing over him like a tidal wave. And he wants to look away, wants to break the moment and run away...to afraid to face the truth of this situation.

Benji's singing finally cuts through his thoughts.

_So call me maybe..._ he finishes off, applause roaring across the crowd. Victor stands frozen, in shock, as Benji puts down his guitar and walks to the edge of the stage, jumping down and standing a distance away...eyes never leaving Victor's.

_Was this actually happening? Was it really Benji? And did...did Benji figure it out too? Was this the moment he's been waiting for since all those years ago?_

Benji takes a few steps forward, and Victor does too.

And then...someone gets into his line of sight and appears in front of Benji, stealing his attention away and pulling him close, dragging him into a kiss.

And Victor felt like the entire world crashed around him. 

He'd know that guy from a hundred miles away. The guy that held the heart of the boy he was connected to, that he was in love with. The guy that stole all of that guy's attention from him.

_Derek_.

_ Holy shit...it really was Benji. He was standing literal feet away from Benji...his Benji. He'd been flirting with him, falling for him since the day he moved here. _

_And all along it was the beautiful soul that he'd fallen in love with just through telepathy._

Victor was almost too shocked to move.

He watched helplessly as Derek dragged Benji away into the crowd. 

Victor tries not to get disappointed, since it was obvious Benji didn't realize it was him. Or maybe he did and didn't care. Either way...the pain and emotions that Victor was feeling in that moment were too much, and too intense.

He's pulled from his thoughts by Mia's voice, who suggests they all leave. Victor wants nothing more than to run to Benji...to yell _It's me, Benji! See me!_

But then he sees how happy Benji looks, and realizes that he can't do that. He spares one more glance back at the boy he loved, who he swore met his eye, before storming out of the café.

Later that night Benji tried to reach out, but for the first time in months, Victor shut the wall down...shut him out.


	10. Forget Everything You Think You Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor thought that moving to Atlanta would be a fresh start, a new chapter. Instead, things were falling apart quicker and worse than they had in Texas. Victor struggles to work alongside Benji after realizing who he was, and then his world is completely turned upside down when he learns that the reason he left Texas was a life. Everything he thought he knew, was a lie.

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor wakes up the next day after a restless night of twisting, turning and no-sleep, his mind still reeling from the events of the previous night.

_ He still couldn't believe it...it was Benji. _

This entire time he'd tried to convince himself that the Benji he's connected to and the one he'd met on his first day at Creekwood were two different people...two different people that were _extremely_ similar, now that Victor actually thought about it.

The more that Victor thought about it, the more his mind began to spiral.

_ It was Benji...the entire time. He'd fallen for Benji before he'd ever even laid eyes on him...he fell for his soul. And then, he fell for him all over again, this time seeing him. And Victor should've known it was him...given that he was as beautiful and angelic on the outside as he was on the inside. _

It thrilled Victor to no end that this was his Benji. And it also left him devastated, since he was starting to remember that Benji wasn't HIS at all, he was Derek's.

Victor tried to convince himself that he was imagining things at Battle of the Bands...that it was just pure coincidence Benji's voice sounded like Benji. And then he'd seen Derek, and his entire world shattered around him just like it had so many times before.

_ Watching Benji kiss Derek for the first time was more painful than he could've ever imagined.  _

Although, he was silently grateful that he'd seen it with his own eyes and not through Benji's, where he probably would've had to feel it too.

After Victor got home from Brasstown, he found that it was nearly impossible for him to fall asleep. Instead, he wrote a long message to Simon about what he'd discovered that night---excluding the whole telepathic-connection thing, of course---

Simon didn't answer him right away, and Victor felt more _lost_ , more confused...than ever.

Benji had tried to reach out that night to talk to him, and Victor didn't bother to answer...instead doing the one thing they agreed not to anymore and put down the wall between them.

And waking up this morning, he didn't even bother to lift the barrier between them. It would be too painful, and he couldn't even begin to think about what he'd say to Benji without giving away what he'd discovered.

_ So, he took a piece of Benji's old advice and reverted to radioactive silence. _

Victor shakes himself out of his thoughts, dragging himself out of bed and mechanically going about his morning routine.

He cringes when he sees the dark circles forming below his eyes, the deep furrow line between his brows. His hair was a mess, he was pale...and he felt just as shitty as he looked.

He was a mess, and he needed to put himself together enough to go to work and push through his shift.

_ The shift that he had to work with Benji. _

The shift that he not only would have to work with Benji, but the one he'd have to work through pretending that nothing was wrong...pretending that being that close to his Benji wasn't killing him.

_ He had to go back to his old Texas coping method of pretending, as if nothing had changed in the short time since they'd moved. _

_ Fun times. _

Once Victor is presented somewhat decently, he grabs his things and yells a quick 'goodbye' before walking out the door.

As usual, Victor decides to walk to work in order to think...to clear his mind. He groans when he realized he forgot to grab breakfast, deciding that he'd try to stomach something from the café.

His appetite was near nonexistent, but he had to try and appear like nothing was wrong.

Victor finally reaches the café, taking a deep breath before heading inside. He's relieved to see that Benji isn't in yet, giving him some time to prepare himself.

Victor greets the other baristas before making his way into the back, tossing his things aside and tying on his apron. He grabs a breakfast sandwich from the front before settling back in the back room, scrolling through his phone to distract himself.

His phone dings with a notification, and he's relieved when he sees that it's Simon. Hopefully he'd be able to give Victor some advice.

Victor opens the message, reading as he forces his breakfast down.

_ Dear Victor, Benji has a boyfriend? That sucks.  _

_ Yeah, it sucks more than you know...Simon.  _

Victor continues reading on, laughing slightly at Simon's mention of his fake celebrity crush and real celebrity crush getting together...breaking his heart.

It's obvious that Simon's trying to cheer him up, and he appreciates it...even though its just not the same.

And then...Simon asks the question of the hour, "How are you holding up?"

To be honest, Victor wasn't sure about how he was holding up, or how he was feeling. He felt everything and yet nothing, all at the same time. 

Instead of telling Simon the truth, which would make him sound completely insane, he decides to lie through his teeth (well...keyboard).

_ Honestly Simon? I'm fine. Things between me and Benji are...great. _

Yeah, that was a complete and utter lie. And he still hasn't prepared himself to see Benji after last night's epiphany. To work closely side-by-side with him knowing who he is...how Victor feels about him.

Victor hears the doorbell to the café ring, and takes a deep breath.

_ You can get through this, Victor.  _

He walks out front, leaning against the doorframe and watching as Benji walks in, shooting Victor that smile that makes his heart melt and break all at the same time.

_ He really was beautiful.  _

Victor sends him a small wave, a tight-lipped smile on his face.

"Hey." Benji greets him as he walks behind the counter.

Victor nods, "Hey, Benji." 

Benji turns around to look at him, raising an eyebrow, "You feeling okay...you seem off?"

_Shit_. _Was Victor really that easy to read? Was he being too obvious? Or...was the connection somehow back open between them and Benji could feel what he was feeling?_

It couldn't be. Victor was starting to realize that unless they were distant, that 'dial-tone' connection feeling that lingered deep inside of him, wasn't there. 

That meant that they weren't connected when they were this close. So he was just really shitty at pretending to be okay.

Victor blinks a few times, "Oh, yeah...I'm fine. Just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night."

Benji looks unconvinced, but gives a small nod, "That sucks."

Victor shrugs, twisting the barely eaten breakfast sandwich around in his hand slowly.

"Here...I'll make you a latté to give you a boost." Benji says after tying his apron on, immediately walking over to the expresso machine.

Benji watches him with tired yet fond eyes as Benji whips up a drink for him. He tries to embrace Benji's concern, even if he knows hes just being friendly to a 'stranger.'

It turns out that Benji's drink does give him a boost of energy, however does very little to up his mood. The shift drags on slowly, the crowd growing bigger and busier as the morning progresses.

Victor and Benji still work perfectly in-sync, giving eachother exactly what the other needs without saying. It's unsurprising that their connection translates to physical interaction as well.

They've just started another order when Benji's phone rings. 

"Hey, _Handsome_...what's up?" 

Victor glances back over his shoulder, a deep frown on his face. He feels his heart sink even more.

Benji is on the phone for a few minutes, and Victor pretends that he wasn't listening once he returns.

"Sorry about that, it was my boyfriend, Derek." Benji says, jumping back into work.

Victor nods, not responding.

Benji glances over at him, "So...what did you think of the show last night?"

"Well I was out most of the night with Mia, but the parts that I caught were good." Victor says conversationally, not caring how he phrased that as if he were on a date.

_ Maybe it would make Benji jealous, and he wouldn't care at all. _

Benji hums, "Yeah I saw you at the show. I'm glad you made it."

Victor shoots him a small smile, "Yeah, your band was great. You have a... _really_ nice voice."

_You always have._ Victor wants to say.

Benji grins, "Thanks..." his face falls slightly, "So, uh...where did you and Mia end up going?"

"I took her to this art exhibit since she likes art, which ended up being some weird collection of artifacts with _disturbing_ backstories." Victor says, laughing.

Benji nods slowly, his face unreadable, "That's nice. Did you have a nice time?"

Victor nods, "Yeah, it was _great_. Mia is... _really_ cool."

Benji doesn't answer, instead going back to his previous task. Victor spares a glance over at him, narrowing his eyes.

He didn't understand Benji's suddenly change of tone or mood, but it honestly only made him further annoyed.

They fall into a tense silence for the rest of the shift, not talking much unless about work. And when Victor is finally able to escape, he clocks out as quickly as possible before practically bolting out of there.

If Benji watches him go with a sad and hurt expression on his face, Victor wouldn't notice.

~

Later that night his family has their weekly family pizza dinner night, and Victor decides to invite Felix. Well, Felix usually invites himself, but nobody really minds it.

He brings a certain calm energy with him that dims out the tense dynamic of his family, and so Victor likes when he's around.

Victor noticed his sister being more offput, miserable and quiet than usual, and already knew this dinner wasn't going to end well.

When his father asks Pilar to say grace, he gets hit with a wave of deja vu back to their dinner in Texas.

_ This really wasn't going to end well. _

Her grace starts out relatively normal, but quickly turns into something else entirely, "And most of all...bless my mother, Isabel. She needs your guidance the most, because she's _nasty_ , and she knows it. _Amen_."

** Okay, wow...that was harsh. **

Benji? When the hell did the connection open back up...he was sure he kept the walls up.

_ Maybe, when he was vulnerable, they fell away because they knew he needed Benji, no matter how stubborn he was being. _

Victor opens one eye, looking around at the tense looks of his family. His mother looks downright shocked and offended, his father is steaming from the ears, Adrian is as oblivious as ever, and Felix looks intrigued.

Victor, well...Victor was cringing.

**This is even more awkward than my own family dinners.**

"You may _not_ speak to me that way!" Isabel says loudly, hurt evident in her voice.

Armando narrows his eyes, "Room... _now_!"

Pilar shoves back her chair and storms out of the room, everyone falling into uncomfortable silence.

** What the hell was that about? **

"So..." Felix breathes out, "Do you guys always do grace _roast style_?"

**Benji laughs** , and Victor's heart flutters in his chest at the sound.

** Ah, Felix really knows how to read the room, doesn't he?  **

** Wait...you're friends with Felix? **

Victor ignores him, focusing on the situation in front of him.

Everyone turns to look at Felix, and he falls silent, an uncomfortable look on his face. They all silently eat their pizza, sharing cautious looks.

Dinner is thankfully over quickly, and Victor collects a few pieces of pizza to bring to Pilar as a peace offering. Hopefully she'd open up to him about what was bothering her.

Victor knocked on her door, peeking his head in.

"I brought you the last slice of sausage." He says in greeting, walking in and closing the door behind him.

Victor puts the pizza plate down on her desk, turning to look at her with a raised eyebrow, "Okay, what is your deal? This can't be about mom's pun posters for the game."

Pilar rolls her eyes, "Of course not..." she turns to face him completely, taking a breath, "Victor...mom had an affair."

**Wait...what?** Benji exclaims.

"What?" Victor scoffs in disbelief, shaking his head, "No she didn't."

Pilar sighs, "After I finished up her facebook page, some guy named Roger R started messaging her all this creepy romantic crap. Look."

She pulls out her laptop, and Victor sits beside her on the edge of the bed, looking over her shoulder as she scrolls through the messages.

Victor argues all of her valid points about how this could be an actual affair, trying his hardest to defend his mom.

But he was being double teamed here, by his sister with pretty solid evidence, and Benji in his head telling him to listen to his sister.

And then more suspicious messages start flooding in, and Victor began to doubt the situation.

After leaving his sister's room and retreating his own, his mind was spinning out of control.

**It's going to be okay.** Benji says.

** Victor, regardless of whether or not this is a thing, it's going to be okay. **

** I'm here. **

Victor sighs, almost giving in to answering Benji but not being able to bring himself too. He squeezes his hand quickly, before shutting the wall down again.

~

The next day Victor goes through the motions, morning routine, awkward breakfast, school. Before he knows it he's near the end of the school day, and catches Pilar in the school hallway.

She decided to amplify the alleged cheating scandal by messaging this stranger as their mom, agreeing to meet this man somewhere.

Victor, after not being able to change her mind, decides to go with her before his basketball game.

They end up at a high-end hotel that's holding a conference event, and at first Victor is sure that he was right and there's no weight to this accusation. And then...

_ he sees him. _

His dad's old boss...the big boss, sitting in a chair next to a tub of champagne in ice and a huge bouquet of roses. 

_ The boss he'd remembered from Texas. The guy he'd seen on the facebook profile. Roger. _

Victor felt his entire world shatter again, throwing him into a completely whirlwind.

_ It was true. It was really true...his mother had an affair. _

_ Fuck. _

**Victor? Hey...are you okay?** Benji asks.

He blinks a few times as tears burn behind his eyes, hoping that his sight, along with the feelings he's sure Benji can feel radiating from him, are enough to communicate what's going on.

** Is...is that? **

Victor nods slowly.

** Shit, Victor. This is so messed up. I'm so sorry. **

Victor bites into his lower lip, moving his gaze away from the home wrecker that destroyed their family. Well, one half of the home wrecking equation.

** Victor, please don't cry. It's going to be okay. **

He feels the familiar phantom touch grabbing his wrist, and he doesn't fight it off this time. He clings to it like a lifeline.

** I'm here. **

Victor and Pilar leave the hotel in complete silence, Benji's touch the only thing keeping him grounded as he drives to school...trying his best to get into the basketball mindset.

As soon as he enters the gym, he can't even look at his family. He can't even look at his mother.

**Breathe, Victor. Just breathe.** Benji says.

Victor goes to the locker room to prepare for his game, but his mind is distant, far away and unfocused, and he has a feeling hes going to let his team down.

**Just focus, Victor. Please. I don't want you to get hurt.** Benji says, squeezing his shoulder.

As it turns out, Victor does exactly that...let's his team down. And with one glance over at his family, the dark cloud of Roger looming over them, over his mother...he's sent into an angry spiral.

"This is _bullshit_!" Victor yells, slamming the basketball to the ground and storming out.

He grabs his things out of the locker room and leaves the school towards the parking lot, needing to get as far away as possible.

** Victor, breathe. Just breathe. **

"Benji, I...I-" he chokes out, chest heaving. 

He feels Benji's touch, a warm grounding weight, settle on his cheek, and he leans into the touch.

** I'm here. **

Victor's parents come after him in the parking lot, and take their family home...where they explain everything to them.

_ It was true. His mother had an affair with her father's boss. She had an affair, and that's why they had to move from Texas. _

Everything that Victor thought he knew about his family, and his mother...was a complete lie. Their family was more damaged than he ever thought, and there was no way for him to fix this.

_He didn't want to fix this, he just wanted this to all go away._

As Victor cried himself to sleep that night, he felt the phantom touch of Benji's arms wrapping around him in a hug and holding him close. He didn't fight it...he let Benji hold him.


	11. Birthday Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor is still coming to terms with everything changing in his life, and still struggles with his new revelation about Benji and his recent family struggles. When he agrees to a birthday party he didn't want, will everything go well? What happens when a few surprise guests throw the entire family through a loop. And what happens when Benji finally realizes who Victor is?

** VICTOR POV: **

In the days following Battle of Bands, Victor's life-altering revelation and the news of his mom's affair, things were a rollercoaster of ups and downs.

Victor continued to go to work everyday for his shift, working alongside Benji as if nothing had changed...like nothing was wrong.

On one particular night shift a few days later, Victor had the not-so-honorable honor of meeting Benji's boyfriend of nearly a year, Derek.

Derek came to pick Benji up following one of their closing shifts, and that's when Benji formally introduced them.

Victor forced the friendliest smile he could muster, introducing himself and even engaging in small conversation as they finished locking up for the night.

Victor didn't like him. He wasn't likeable. And it wasn't just that Victor wasn't giving him a chance to make a good impression (which was admittedly true) but he genuinely wasn't likeable. 

There was something about him, his attitude and the way he carried himself...almost like he had a superiority complex and an inflated ego. And the way he and Benji interacted just made Victor uncomfortable, and not just because he was jealous.

_ There was just something about him that he didn't like...that put him off. _

Instead of showing that, he'd told Benji the next day that he really liked Derek. Obviously, it was a complete lie, but Victor was trying.

Things at his house following the news of his mother's affair were more tense and uncomfortable than ever. There was barely any talking apart from constant arguments between his parents, and occasionally Pilar.

Victor would whip up some carbs, some pancakes and dull the fighting for atleast a bit. There he was again...becoming his family's fixer when he couldn't even sort through his own shit.

_ It seemed like nothing had changed since his move from Texas a few weeks ago. _

The only thing holding him together was his basketball, which had gotten better after his momentary slipup, and his newfound friend group with Felix, Mia and now Lake.

Their group distracted Victor, made him feel included, and better about everything going on.

Today, however, it seemed that having his friend group at Brasstown as a shield was more of a curse than a blessing.

Victor is on his break, sitting at a table with Mia, Lake and Felix chatting over coffees and lattes. He decides to invite his friends to his unwanted 16th birthday party, which he'd only agreed to in order to appease his family and ease the tensions.

_ Like I said...family fixer. _

"Of _course_ we'll be there, Victor. Right guys?" Mia says with a smile, looking at the group.

Lake puts down her cup, "Depends, who else will be there? Any Insta-models, Influencers, _Kardashians_?"

Victor raises an eyebrow, laughing awkwardly, "Uh, _no_. Just you guys, my family and my grandparents."

Lake laughs, and everyone turns to look at her. She falls silent, "Oh! _Oh_...you're serious."

Felix smiles, "Victor's family is a _delight_. I like to think of myself as the third Salazar kid."

Victor furrows his eyebrows, "Uh, Felix...Adrian is the third Salazar kid."

Felix makes a confused look, looking deep in thought, "Adrian..."

Mia smiles, looking at Victor, "So, I'm going to finally meet your family?"

Victor nods, smiling back at her, "Yeah. I can't wait for them to meet you. Well... _all_ of you."

They continue smiling at eachother, until Lake breaks through the moment, "Can you stop gently smiling at eachother, your lovey-dovey vibe is grossing me out."

Victor rolls his eyes, "We're just _friends_ , Lake."

Mia nods, and Lake snorts, "Yeah, okay and I'm Kim Kardashian."

"Who?" Felix asks, earning a shocked look from Lake.

She shakes her head, turning to address the group again, "We have some serious business to discuss. Victor's birthday party is going to totally _blow_ without some more bodies."

She turns to look around the café, face brightening up.

Victor follows her gaze to where Benji is taking down a customer's order across the café, his eyes widening.

_ No, Lake. Please...No. Don't. _

"Hey, Benji!" Lake calls out, grabbing his attention.

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

Victor quickly schools his features and gets rid of the panic, shaking his leg under the table and wringing his hands together to stop their shaking.

Benji raises an eyebrow, offering a friendly smile as he approaches their table, "Hey guys, what's up?"

Victor slides down in his chair, wanting to disappear.

"So, look...here's the sitch. Victor is having a birthday party on Saturday and his ratio of hot people to old people is _totally_ tragic. Want to come?" She asks, batting her eyelashes.

_Seriously? Does she always have to flirt with him...he's gay. She knows this._ Victor thinks to himself.

Benji opens his mouth to respond, looking over at Victor with a questioning look.

_Oh? Oh. He wants to make sure it's okay with Victor._

"Oh, uh...only if you want to. There's _no_ obligation." Victor says quickly.

Benji laughs, smiling, "I'll be there. Wouldnt miss it..."

Victor smiles, although inside he's both thrilled and terrified.

"I'll bring Derek...if that's cool." He adds, making Victor's heart sink.

_ This is going to end well. _

"Yeah! You totally should. I **love** Derek!" Victor exclaims, mentally slapping himself at how overdramatic he sounded.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Okay, well we'll be there, then."

Victor watches as Benji walks away, a longing look on his face that he's sure both Mia and Felix picked up on, but didn't comment on. He quickly ends his conversation, claiming its the end of his break.

When he goes to clean up the rest of his tables, he can't stop his gaze from fixating on Benji working behind the counter.

_ Shit. Benji was going to be coming to his party.  _

_ He was coming with Derek, his boyfriend. _

_ An out and proud gay couple was going to be at his house, around his old-fashioned grandparents and judgemental father. _

This was either going to magically go well, or the party, and what's left of his family and friendships was going to crash and burn.

~

** BENJI POV: **

Saturday is fast approaching, and after giving Derek the heads up about Victor's birthday party---which took a ton of convincing, since Derek wanted to go to another concert---he tries to think of the perfect gift to get Victor.

After much self-deliberation, Benji decides to go down his usual route and give a hand-made gift from the heart.

In the few days leading up to Victor's party, he sketches from memory a portrait of Victor working at Brasstown. He spends hours a day on it to make sure it's perfect.

He wants Victor to know how much their friendship meant to him. And well, if he started having small feelings for the boy, nobody needed to know.

By Saturday morning Benji is signing the corner of the drawing and putting it into a box.

Benji is nervous about going to the party, although he is unsure of why. Maybe it was because he's been on edge the last few days with little-to-no interaction with Victor...HIS Victor.

Victor had been really closed off with him, and as much as Benji kept reaching out...he kept getting shut out.

He was worried that Victor was having doubts about their connection, about them...and he was worried he would put down a permanent wall between them.

_ It scared him shitless to think about Victor not being a constant presence in his life anymore. _

Benji shakes himself from his thoughts, vowing to focus on making new Victor's birthday today special. 

A few hours go by, and Derek finally arrives to pick up Benji. As they're driving to Victor's house, Derek spends the entire duration of the ride complaining about the party, about how he's going to miss the concerts, and his reality tv binge later that night.

In the almost year of their relationship, Benji has noticed that Derek is constantly bitter and complaining about something.

_ It's exhausting. _

He's not going to let Derek ruin today, or his already sour mood over missing Victor. 

Once they arrive at Victor's house, Benji decides to go to the apartment himself while Derek parks...giving him time to cool off and Benji a break from the nagging and complaining.

Benji makes his way up the stairs, nerves and anticipation settling in his stomach.

He really hoped that this afternoon went smoothly, and that Victor liked his gift. Once he reaches the door, he reaches up to knock, but the door is swung open.

He comes face-to-face with Lake and Felix, who are rushing out in a hurry. He laughs awkwardly when Lake calls him hot and Felix grumbles a hello before following her.

Benji lowers his fist, smiling when he sees Victor walk over to the doorway.

"Benji...you made it." He breathes out, and Benji smiles.

"Hey...yeah. I wouldn't miss it." He says, their eyes remaining locked on eachothers. He swears he sees something unreadable flicker in Victor's eyes, but its gone as quick as it appears.

Benji shakes himself from his daze, offering Victor the gift box he was holding, "Here, just a little something for the birthday boy."

Victor beams, "You didn't have to get me a gift."

Benji is saddened when he notices how there are no other gifts around, and realizes he was right in his choice to do something meaningful for Victor. 

_ Judging by the happiness on Victor's face, he knew he made the right call. _

Their moment is over when Derek walks into the apartment, closing the door behind him and walking into Benji's space.

"I had to park near a hydrant. So nobody set anything on fire." He says in greeting, laughing to himself.

Benji smiles at him, forcing a laugh.

Victor nods, "Hey man, glad you could come."

An unfamiliar man walks over to the group, and Victor introduces him as his grandfather. When Victor introduces them, he refers to Benji as his coworker and Derek as Benji's bandmate...both of which hurt Benji down to his core.

He'd thought him and Victor were more of friends than just coworkers now. He thought they had a connection.

_ Huh, guess he overestimated his connection with both Victors. The universe really is a cruel place. _

Victor's introduction of Benji and Derek as bandmates hurts him too. He knows that Victor isn't homophobic, but he's hiding who they are from his family.

It bothers him more because he's going to have to deal with Derek's even more sour mood now, all thanks to Victor.

He tells Victor to forget about it before following Derek into the kitchen. Victor makes his rounds to all of the guests, and Benji watches as he picks on the snacks in the kitchen, sitting in silence with a moody Derek.

He hears footsteps, and turns around to see an older woman moving frantically around the kitchen. When he finally gets a clear few of her face, Benji's eyes widen in shock.

_ That couldn't be...it wasn't. _

_ Victor's mom. HIS Victor's mom? _

Seconds later an older man walks into the kitchen, and Benji feels his entire world flip on its axis.

_ Those are Victor's parents. He's seen them so many times throughout the years, all through Victor's eyes. But he recognizes them. _

Benji slowly turns around to look back at Victor, his heart racing rapidly in his chest.

_ Holy. Shit...he's Victor. _

_ That's Victor...the boy he's been connected to his entire life. It was him, standing only feet away from him. It was Victor this entire time since he'd met him that day in the hallway of Creekwood. _

_ How could he have missed it? _

Derek nudges his shoulder, giving him an odd look, "You okay? You look like you're on another planet."

Benji nods, "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." he lies.

"You know we can leave if you want. We don't need to stay and be unwelcome and uncomfortable by a group of _homophobes_."

It suddenly dawns on him the many experiences he'd witnessed through Victor's eyes, all of the homophobia around him in Texas, a lot from his own family. And then he remembers...

_ Victor came out to him. Victor's gay. _

And suddenly all of the bitterness that harbored when he walked into Victor's apartment dissipated, because he knew the situation.

_ He knew Victor. _

Benji shakes his head, "No, it's fine. And Victor's not homophobic."

Derek snorts, "Yeah, _okay_."

Before he could retaliate with another defense, Victor's grandfather approaches them to make casual conversation. Benji tries to be neutral for Victor's sake, and Derek's sake...but his anxiety builds up the longer they interact.

Victor walks up just as his grandfather starts asking about them having girlfriends. He looks panicked, and guilty, and Benji immediately jumps in and interrupts Derek from saying something he shouldn't.

Derek storms off, looking angrier than ever, and Benji feels his own face frown.

"Benji...you didn't have to do that." Victor breathes out in a small voice.

Benji narrows his eyes at him, "We need to talk."

He grabs Victor's wrist, dragging him out of the kitchen, down the hallway and into the nearest room, slamming the door behind them.

He turns to look at Victor, crossing his arms over his chest. He frowns when he sees the guilty and terrified look on Victor's face.

Victor probably thinks that he's going to yell at him, or beat the shit out of him. But he would never. It's his Victor.

_ He'd never hurt him. _

"Benji, look...I'm really sorry about earlier, I-" he starts to apologize, Benji cutting him off.

"It's _you_." He says shortly.

Victor furrows his eyebrows, "What?"

Benji smiles softly, "It's you, Victor. You're Victor...the Victor I've been connected to my entire life. The Victor who saved me from myself so many times."

Victor's eyes widen with hope and openness.

"It's you, Victor." Benji whispers in awe, keeping his eyes locked on Victor's.

Victor nods, "Yeah. It's me."

"And it's me too." Benji adds.

"Yeah, I know." Victor admits with a shy smile.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "You know?"

Victor nods, "I figured it out at Battle of the Bands. Apart from the fact that I recognized your singing voice, the one that saved me from myself when I was younger...I also recognized your boyfriend."

Benji blinks as he takes in the information, "Holy shit."

Victor laughs softly, "Yeah..."

"So...you're really here. You're actually _here_." Benji says more to himself.

Victor smiles, "And so are you. You've always been here but...now you're here and...I can touch you."

Benji's jaw drops, eyes widening and heart racing rapidly in his chest.

Victor makes a horrified look, "I-I mean...If that was okay with you. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or..." he rambles, being cut off when Benji leaps forward, jumping right into Victor's arms and wrapping his arms around him.

Victor is frozen for a second, immediately wrapping his arms around Benji and holding him tight. 

Benji tucks his head into the crook of Victor's neck, closing his eyes and focusing on the overwhelming feeling of his actual warmth...its so much better than the phantom touch he normally feels.

Victor cradles Benji's head with one hand, the other resting against his back.

"I can't believe this is finally happening." Benji whispers, and Victor nods.

"I know. It's like it was meant to be or something..." Victor says, and Benji's breath hitches.

He pulls away to look into Victor's eyes, their arms remaining around eachother. Their eyes stay locked, electricity erupting between them as they both glance down at the other's lips.

Benji is just about to close the distance between them when a knock on the door makes them jump apart.

"Benji?" Derek's voice sounds through the door, and they both look to eachother in a panic. 

Victor looks around his bedroom, "I'm going to hide in the closet. You leave and then i'll follow."

Benji nods, saying a silent thank you with his eyes. Once Victor is gone from sight, he opens the door, smiling at Derek.

"Hey, handsome." Benji says.

Derek raises an eyebrow, "I was looking for you. What are you doing back here by yourself?"

"Oh, I, uh...needed to make a phone call to work." He lies.

Derek nods, "Oh, okay. Well let's go back to the kitchen."

Benji nods, glancing back into the room before closing the door. When Derek is a safe distance away from him, Benji whispers to Victor.

"Thanks, Victor." 

~

A while later Victor unsuspiciously makes his way back into the kitchen, sparking up a conversation with Mia. Benji smiles when Victor walks over to him, leaning against the counter beside him.

"Hey there, _birthday boy_." Benji says with a soft smile.

Victor blushes, looking down and then back up, "Hey."

Benji turns his back to Derek, leaning on the counter towards Victor, "So, how's it feel turning the big 16?"

"Honestly? I feel old." Victor says, and they laugh.

Benji rolls his eyes, "Well if you're old at 16, what does that make me at 17 going on 18?"

Victor smirks, stroking his chin and pretending to be in deep thought, "Definitely old, but hey...you don't have wrinkles or grey hairs yet...so you've got that going for you."

Benji shoves his shoulder playfully, laughing.

They fall into whispered conversation, talking like they'd known eachother their entire lives and had finally met for the first time. Oh wait...that's exactly what happened.

Benji is so lost in conversation with Victor that he doesn't realize Derek slipped out of the room. He furrows his eyebrows, looking around.

"Hey, i'll be right back." Benji says, sliding away from the counter and walking down the hallway. 

He finds Derek at the end of the hallway, angry look on his face. Well...this isnt going to be fun.

"Hey, why'd you disappear?" Benji asks.

Derek scoffs, "Oh, so you _actually_ noticed?"

Benji raises an eyebrow, "What is that supposed to mean? Of course I noticed."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Benji narrows his eyes, "What is going on with you?"

"Oh I don't know. I get forced to come to this lame-ass party full of homophobic people, and then my boyfriend pays more attention to the birthday boy than me." Derek snaps.

Benji rolls his eyes, "Derek. First of all, I told you that you didn't have to come, but you insisted. Second, Victor isn't homophobic so stop saying that. And I'm not ignoring you for Victor. It's his birthday, and he's my bestfriend."

Derek snorts, "Oh, so you meet a few weeks ago and suddenly you're _bestfriends_? And don't tell me you didn't disappear earlier with him when you did."

Benji is silent for a moment, "I've known him longer than that, and so what? We just were talking."

"Oh and talking makes you disappear for nearly fifteen minutes?" He counters, face red with anger.

Benji sighs, "Derek. Nothing happened, okay? He's not my boyfriend, you are. And I'd never cheat on you."

Derek falls silent, avoiding Benji's eyes.

"Derek. C'mon. You know me." Benji pleads, unsure of why he's even bothering when Derek is in the wrong here.

_ Why does he always fix Derek's mess? _

Derek sighs, meeting his eyes, "I know, okay. I'm sorry I'm just- I'm uncomfortable being here."

"I know. We won't be here much longer, okay? I'm sorry." Benji says.

Derek smiles, reaching forward to grab Benji's hand.

Benji smiles, and Derek leans down to press their lips together in a brief kiss. When they pull apart, Benji can hear an urgent conversation in the distance, but doesn't look over.

He stays in the hallway with Derek, chatting quietly and holding hands. He wished that he could go and talk to Victor, feeling like there was so much more to talk about.

"No!" He hears Victor yell out, and he immediately looks over to the living room.

He walks forward slowly, watching the scene unfolding, "Those are my friends. I'm not going to tell them not to be who they are if that bothers you. That's not their problem or mine." 

_ Oh shit. His grandfather saw them kiss and holding hands. He could've just put Victor in danger. Shit. _

He drops Derek's hand, walking into the kitchen to give the family privacy. 

Benji can't help but smile when he thinks of Victor standing up for him, for being strong enough to stand against his family. 

_ He's so proud of him. _

Things at the party settle down after that. Benji is happy to see Victor's family band together for once as a team...to stand together. This is the first time in a long time he's seen Victor's family all together, happy and smiling.

_ And Victor's smile, his beautiful smile...God, he loved seeing it. _

Later on in the night Derek becomes almost unbearable, and Benji decides to cut the night short and leave. He finds Victor in the hallway, approaching him.

"Hey...I think we're going to head out." Benji says in greeting, voice as disappointed as Victor's face looks.

Victor nods, "Okay. Benji, look...I'm sorry about everything today..."

Benji sighs, "Victor, you don't have to apologize."

"But..."

"No," Benji says, "You stood up to them, you stood up for _me_. And that meant a lot to me. And I'm so proud of you for doing that. I'm not mad."

Victor lets out a breath of relief, "Victor, trust me. I know how hard it is to accept who you are. I still struggle with it. You know that." 

Victor nods, "Yeah, I know. But for the record, who you are...who you've always been is, really _great_."

Benji laughs softly, smiling, "You're not so bad yourself." he says, quoting their earlier interaction.

Victor smiles, "I'm so glad you're here, Benji."

"I am too, Victor. _Always_ will be." He says, tapping his head.

Victor taps his head back, a soft smile on his face.

Benji walks forward, pulling Victor into a quick hug. His mother calls out that its time for the cake, and he gestures for Victor to go ahead.

He leans against the doorframe of the kitchen, a soft smile on his face as everyone sings happy birthday. He feels his heart race at how beautiful, and happy Victor looks.

Derek taps his shoulder but he ignores him, eyes locked on Victor.

"Victor, make a wish!" Adrian yells excitedly.

Victor immediately looks up to meet Benji's eyes, and Benji flushes under the gaze. He smiles when Victor blows out his candles, winking at him before leaving.

~

** VICTOR POV: **

Later that night Victor sits in his room, the unopened gift box from Benji sitting in his hands.

** You going to open that, birthday boy? **

Victor laughs, "Shut up. I want to embrace the moment, okay? This is my only gift."

**Well, I hope you like it.** Benji says.

Victor slowly opens the box, gasping, "Benji..."

** Surprise. **

"Did you draw this yourself?" He whispers in awe, cradling the paper in his hands.

** I did. From memory. **

Victor smiles, "Holy shit, it's...it's _beautiful_ , Benji."

**Well, hey...I had a good model.** He says softly.

Victor blushes, shaking his head, "You never fail to amaze me, Benji."

**I aim to please...** he says. **Happy Birthday, Victor.**

"Thank you so much, Benji. And thank you for today, and for everyday you've been by my side." Victor whispers.

He smiles when he feels that familiar warm presence squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back.

**Always**. he says simply.

"Yeah, always..." Victor whispers.

Even after Victor's dad comes into his room and says something to completely ruin his mood, Victor can't get rid of the smile on his face.

_ He finally had Benji, and he didn't plan on letting him go. _


	12. Date Night Disasters: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the days following his birthday party, Victor finds himself closer to Benji than ever. But this closeness ends in him getting roped into planning an anniversary dinner that had nothing to do with him. Will Victor be able to cope with being this invested in the relationship between his crush and his boyfriend? And will Benji be able to cope with his new feelings for Victor?

** ALTERNATING POV: **

The week following Victor's birthday party goes by in a flash, and Victor and Benji are closer than ever. They've started to use their actual phones to communicate with eachother, only sometimes, with the majority of their communication being through their minds as it had always been.

_ They figured that they had a rare, unexplainable telepathic communication ability...so why not waste it. _

Apart from that, they both enjoyed talking to eachother that way. That's how they'd gotten to know eachother from childhood all the way until now, and their bond was closer than anyone without their ability.

Working with Benji has only gotten better since their own personal epiphanies. They're even more in sync now than ever before, and it makes work even more enjoyable.

Today, Victor and Benji are scheduled on the opening shift together. Victor always liked opening Brasstown in the morning with Benji. It was quiet, and peaceful...and felt extremely intimate.

Like any other opening shift, they chatted quietly as they prepared the café to be opened for the day. Both Benji and Victor were relieved to find that today was less busy than their usual morning work rush.

"What are you up to over there?" Victor asks conversationally, working on organizing behind the counter.

Benji hums in acknowledgement, still deeply focused on the mug in front of him, "Latté art..."

Victor yawns, rubbing away the sleep that still lingered in his eyes before walking to lean over Benji's shoulder.

Benji steps back, gesturing to the mug, "Remind you of anyone?"

Victor steps closer to the counter, grabbing the mug and tilting it slightly towards him, blinking a few times as he analyzed the white blob on top of the latté.

"Uh...is it abstract art?" Victor asks.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Uh, no...it's _supposed_ to be a person. Just look."

Victor continues to stare at the latté, "Uh...Steve Harvey?" he asks, voice raising in pitch.

Benji laughs, rolling his eyes fondly, "It's Derek."

_ Huh...who would've thought. And here Victor was just starting to think that this white blob of foam was far more attractive then Derek. Which he still thought. _

Benji looks at him expectantly, and he pretends to be surprised, " _Oh_! Yeah I see it now." he lies, patting Benji on the shoulder and walking past him towards the food bar.

Benji laughs, "Oh, yeah...go ahead and lie to me to make me feel better. I know its awful, okay?"

Victor shakes his head, "It's not _that_ bad, B."

"It's not good either." Benji counters, and Victor shrugs, shoving food in his mouth in lieu of an answer.

Benji sighs, leaning back against the counter, "Friday is our one year anniversary..." he starts, and Victor feels his heart sink in his chest.

Right...he'd almost forgotten that it's been a year since everything that went down. The car accident and all of the aftermath, and the start of Benji's relationship with Derek...and the almost end of theirs.

_ Why, after a year of enduring Benji's relationship with Derek, did the thought of them being together, maybe even permanently, sting so bad? _

Benji snaps him out of his thoughts, "We're supposed to go see his friend's band downtown but, I want to do something romantic for him, y'know? Just the two of us."

_ And there it is...one of Benji's most endearing qualities...being a hopeless romantic. Something that drew Victor to him instantly. _

As much as Victor wanted to end this conversation and get on with his day, he knew that regardless of how he felt about Derek, regardless of the fact that he and Benji would only ever be friends, he would always care about him, and needed to try and be supportive.

_ Victor was starting to learn as time went on that Benji's happiness was his, even if it meant he didn't cause it. _

So, Victor ignores the pain in his chest and says, "Where did you guys go on your first date?"

He already knew the answer to that question, since he'd seen it with his own eyes when Benji asked Derek out. 

_ Corny Italian Restaurant. Meatballs.  _

"We got spaghetti and meatballs at this corny italian place..." Benji says with a far-away, reminiscent look in his eyes, "Food was good but, it ended up being shut down by the health department."

Victor nods along, trying to ignore the pang in his chest.

"I _love_ Meatballs... _so_ ugly, but _so_ delicious." Benji adds, and Victor can't help but laugh.

He clears his throat, "Okay, well _maybe_ , and this might sound a little cheesy..." Victor says, watching as Benji looks at him with his full attention, "maybe you can recreate your first date."

Benji tilts his head, appearing to be deep in thought, "You could have your own Italian restaurant, but just you and Derek."

_I wish that it was me instead._ Victor doesn't say.

Benji's face lights up, and he grins, "I can do it here after we close. Light some candles, put on some Italian accordian music. Yeah..."

Victor feels the jealousy settling in the pit of his stomach. Benji looks so happy and excited about this, and he wouldn't get to share in that moment with him.

_ He wasn't the one Benji wanted to do something romantic for...the one that had Benji's heart. _

Benji smirks, "Wow, Victor...who knew you were _such_ a _romantic_?" he teases, "Remind me again how you're still single?"

_Because the guy that I'm in love with is in a relationship with someone else._ His brain supplies unhelpfully.

He shrugs, "I don't know. Apart from the fact that I'm still in the closet...Nobody is interested in me yet, I guess."

"Anyone would be _crazy_ not to be interested in you, Victor." Benji says.

_ If that's the truth than why don't you want to be with me? _

Victor smiles, "Thanks, B." he says, walking towards the expresso machine.

"Actually, I lied. Someone _was_ interested in me but...it didn't work out." Victor explains, turning to lean against the counter.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Who?"

"Mia. She actually, uh...started showing interest in me awhile ago. And then when we went to the art exhibit, she kissed me." He explains.

Victor watches as Benji's facial expression becomes unreadable.

"Oh."

Victor laughs, "Yeah, but we both know why that wouldn't have gone anywhere."

Benji laughs quietly, "Yeah."

"You guys _are_ really close though." Benji adds, turning around to rearrange the already organized sugar packets.

_ Was he nervous? Why is he nervous? _

Victor nods, "Yeah. She's my bestfriend. Honestly one of my favorite people."

Benji freezes at that, tensing up. As quickly as it happens, he's back to organizing the sugar packets.

"Yeah?" He says.

Victor nods, "Yeah. We're so close that no matter how much we try to tell Lake that we aren't a couple, she's still convinced that we are one."

"I mean, given the fact you're closeted and are really close with her...I can see how people would read that wrong." Benji says shortly.

Victor furrows his eyebrows, "Uh, _what_?"

"Nothing, sorry. Anyway...Lake really doesn't believe that you are just friends?" Benji asks.

"Nope..." Victor breathes out, "She's so convinced that when Mia told her we're hanging out on Friday, she'd taken her phone hostage and texted me sexually-coded emojis."

Benji snorts, finally looking up to meet Victor's eyes, "She did _what_?"

"In the middle of class, she sent me an extensive amount of emojis. Eggplants...water droplets, you know what I'm getting at." He laughs, and Benji cringes.

"That's... _disturbing_."

Victor nods, "Yeah, Felix said that I was either getting cooked Eggplant Parm, or that I was getting lucky. And...I'd prefer the first option." 

Benji laughs again, shaking his head, "Well, you _might_ want to be careful. You don't know which plan she'll be going with come Friday."

Victor makes a disgusted face, "She knows we're just friends, Benji. Ew."

Benji puts up his hands in surrender, laughing.

"Look, all I'm saying is that I've slept with girls before too. When I was still figuring things out...it's part of the process sometimes, for some people." He explains.

Victor sighs, "Definitely not part of _my_ process. And anyway I'm a virgin, so..."

Benji raises his eyebrows, " _Oh_. Well that's okay. Nothing wrong with that."

Victor smiles shyly, "It's kind of embarrassing, I have to admit."

Benji shakes his head, "Victor, no it's not. There's _nothing_ wrong with not being ready, or not wanting to rush into anything."

"For me it's more...waiting for the _right_ person." Victor admits.

_ There's only one right person for Victor, but that person may never be anything more than a friend, a phantom presence, to him. _

Benji smiles softly, "You're so cheesy, Victor. I love it."

He squeezes Victor's shoulder before passing him to walk into the back room, leaving Victor reeling from their conversation.

_ What just happened? _

~

Before Victor know's it...it's Friday, and Benji is as excited as ever for his one-year anniversary dinner with Derek. He hasn't stopped talking about it since Victor first suggested the idea.

In fact, he'd recruited Victor into helping plan the entire thing, from the meal, to the decorations, to what happened during the meal.

Victor wonders if he should've kept his mouth shut, but then he sees Benji's beaming smile, and he doesn't have the heart to regret helping him.

_ If it took breaking his own heart to make Benji happy, Victor would do it over-and-over again. _

They work the closing shift together that night, and Benji is bouncing with excitement the entire time. Victor is silently relieved once the café is closed and locked up for the night, giving him the excuse to finally dip out and head over to Mia's for a distraction.

After wishing Benji good luck and reassuring him that everything would be okay, Victor takes his leave...making his way home to get ready to go to Mia's.

After Victor gets changed into something more casual, he stands in front of his mirror adjusting his appearance.

**Looking good, Victor.** Benji says, whistling.

** Too good for a completely platonic friendship-hang, but...good regardless. **

Victor ducks his head shyly, a deep blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Thanks, Benji." Victor says.

** Do you have time to tune in...I want to get your opinion on how Brasstown looks? **

Victor takes a deep breath, pushing his emotions aside in favor of supporting Benji, "Of course."

Victor sits down on the edge of his bed, closing his eyes and focusing in on Benji's presence. After a few seconds he opens his eyes.

"Okay, show me what we're working with." Victor says.

**Bossy**. Benji laughs.

He walks out into the café, and Victor's breath hitches as he takes in the scenery in front of him. The lights are dimmed with mood lighting, the walls decorated in beautiful fairy lights...candles scattered around on tables throughout the café. And in the center of the café, a table decorated romantically.

Victor feels an overwhelming sense of longing dig down deep inside of him, and he frowns.

** Victor? You okay?  **

Victor clears his throat, "Yeah, I'm great. It looks really great, Benji. It looks beautiful."

** Yeah? **

"Yeah...Derek is going to _love_ it." Victor whispers, biting his lower lip to hold back the tears threatening to fall.

**I hope so. Now, I just need your opinion on two more things.** Benji says, walking towards the backroom.

Victor watches as Benji stops in front of two plates of food, gesturing with his hands. 

** I cooked it entirely on my own. Not too bad for a first time chef, huh? **

Victor smiles, "Impressive. If I didn't know any better I'd say that was made by a professional chef."

** You flatter me, Vic. Okay...now I need you to tell me if my outfit is okay. **

_Fuck_. 

Victor watches as Benji walks towards the stray full-body mirror, standing in front of it. He runs a hand through his hair, posing.

** So? What do you think? Too much...not enough? **

Victor feels his mouth go dry, heat pooling into the pit of his stomach. His heart races rapidly in his chest as his eyes scan over Benji.

_ He really looked amazing, like breathtakingly amazing in the most simple way. _

"Does it matter what I think? The only opinion that really matters tonight is Derek's." Victor says slowly, keeping his voice level.

Benji scoffs. **Victor...your opinion matters to me more than anyone. I wouldn't ask otherwise...I care about what you think.**

Victor takes a deep breath, "Benji...you look _amazing_." he admits.

Victor watches as Benji stands frozen in the mirror, face flushing red. Victor brings a hand up to his cheek, resting it there softly.

"You _always_ look amazing." he adds.

**Victor...** Benji breathes out.

He watches as Benji continues to stand in front of the mirror, their eyes locked on eachother's. He can feel the intensity of his gaze burning through him, setting his whole body on fire.

"I, uh...I should probably get going to Mia's but...good luck on your date, B. It's going to go great." Victor says, removing his hand from his cheek and closing off the connection.

Victor takes a deep breath, getting off of his bed and grabbing his things, heading out of the apartment and onto his walk to Mia's.

_He wasn't going to snoop on Benji's date tonight. He couldn't. He needed to distract himself, to ignore these feelings inside of him_.


	13. Date Night Disasters: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji finally has his one-year anniversary date, and Victor distracts himself with a rather interesting night with Mia. What happens when Benji's anniversary dinner goes up in flames, and what happens when a misunderstanding between Victor and Mia causes tensions between he and Benji? Will Victor be able to mend the bridges between he and Mia, as well as he and Benji?

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor arrived at Mia's, and everything went well at first. But then...things got _weird_.

As it turns out, Benji was right. Mia did have other plans in mind...plans that _didn't_ include eggplant parm, much to Victor's dismay. She'd apparently still been harboring feelings for Victor ever since their hang all those weeks ago, and Lake gave her the push to try and make a move.

Things started out relatively normal. Mia let him inside and they went to hangout in the living room, chatting casually. Mia looked nice, she _always_ looked nice. But she also looked like she was trying too hard.

Like Lake dressed her up with a purpose. And after Lake's suggestive text messages, he wasn't all that surprised.

_ Victor had a feeling that this night was not going to end well, and he had to force himself not to check in on Benji...to distract himself. _

When Mia suggests they go up to her room, Victor follows along hesitantly, almost certain that what awaits him up there isn't eggplant parm.

~

** BENJI POV: **

Benji had spent the entire week planning the most amazing one-year anniversary dinner for him and Derek. Things had been tense between them for awhile, and he was hoping that this surprise dinner would smooth things over.

_ And then, unsurprisingly, Derek had found something to pick apart and complain about regarding their anniversary. _

All it took was Benji's gentle reminder that it was their anniversary, the reason he used for why they should spend the night together as just the two of them, to send Derek into one of his nonsensical tangents.

"Anniversary?" Derek snorts, "What are we... _straight_ people now?"

Benji frowns, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and hurt.

Derek laughs to himself, freezing when he locks eyes with Benji, "Oh, uh...sorry."

Benji stays silent, unsure of how to respond without either flipping out or bursting into tears.

"I didn't mean like..." Derek sighs, moving his food around his plate with his fork, "I just don't know if I believe in _all of that stuff_."

Benji raises an eyebrow, "What _stuff_...anniversaries?"

_ Where the hell did this come from? Benji knew that Derek had a lot of...interesting viewpoints on a lot of things, but he never knew about this. _

_ He never thought that Derek would be against milestones that are pivotal in a relationship.  _

"Stuff that society tells us to want just because straight people do." Derek explains.

Benji fidgets his hands nervously as Derek continues talking, crushing his heart in the process, "Like one of the best parts of being gay is that we don't have to conform to that heteronormative rom-com bullshit that's dreamt up by corporations to sell green cards to morons."

Once Derek is finished his tangent, Benji can't stop himself from laughing loudly in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he just heard.

He needs to laugh in order to stop himself from the breakdown brewing inside of him. He can't let Derek see that he's hurt by his words.

Benji proceeds to give Derek the anniversary card he'd bought him, pretty much obliterating any dignity he had left on this night.

Derek, as usual, gives a half-assed apology, and then slides a side of charm into there as if it would make up for his words. And Benji almost falls for it...almost lets Derek sink his claws right back into him, and then...

For the hundredth time that night, even after humiliating Benji, he asked if they could go and catch the concert.

Instead of arguing with him...trying to get him to understand his side---which is like talking to a brick wall---he instead suggests Derek goes, claiming he'll catch up with him later.

_He has no intentions of catching up with him later._

Derek actually leaves, and Benji is both relieved and crushed. This was not how he wanted his anniversary to go.

_But he wasn't that surprised. Nothing Derek ever said or did surprised him anymore. But he was so tired of it._

Benji slumps back in his chair, a defeated look on his face. He feels alone, and sad...and needs to talk to Victor.

He doesn't want to intrude on Victor's night, but he knows Victor isn't on a date, and that he'd drop everything in a heartbeat to help Benji.

So Benji closes his eyes, focusing in on Victor's energy. When he opens his eyes, he sees Victor pacing back and fourth inside an unfamiliar bathroom.

**Dammit, Victor. You're an idiot. You should've known this was going to happen.**

_What the hell?_

**You should've told Mia that night, so she didn't think she still had a chance. And now you're hiding in her bathroom like a coward.**

Benji wants to let Victor know of his presence, but he doesn't know the situation. So he stays silent, watching as Victor composes himself before walking out of the bathroom.

Benji can barely register what is happening before he sees Victor stumble back into a wall, a pain settling in his own back, and then he feels the ghost of warm pressure on his lips.

Is Mia kissing Victor? Is Victor kissing her back?

Benji can still see what appears to be Mia's bedroom as a hazy image in the distance, and still feels pressure on his lips...the warmth of a body pressed up against him.

Benji knows that this means nothing. Victor is gay. But he isn't pulling away either, and Benji feels jealousy settle in the pit of his stomach.

Before he gets even more upset, Benji slams down the wall inside his mind, closing off the connection. 

This night fucking sucks. 

Benji gets up from his seat, starting to clean up the café, wanting to erase any memories of this night as quickly as possible.

~

VICTOR POV:

Victor is frozen in shock with his back pressed against Mia's wall, her lips moving against his. For a second his emotions run high and he finds himself kissing back. He quickly gathers enough courage to break the kiss and push Mia away slightly...putting some distance between them.

He stares at Mia with wide eyes, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath.

"Mia, I..." Victor breathes out, unable to find words.

She gulps, "Victor, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay..." He says quietly, back still against the wall.

Mia shakes her head, frowning, "No it's not. I shouldn't have came onto you like that. Not when you already told me that you didn't like me like that. I feel like an idiot."

She walks over to her bed, slumping down onto the edge and smoothing out her dress, folding her hands in her lap and avoiding Victor's gaze.

"Mia...you aren't an idiot." Victor says, pushing himself away from the wall and walking to sit down beside her.

Mia sighs, "Yes I am. We already had this conversation and I still let Lake get in my head."

Victor chews on his lower lip as he collects his thoughts, "Mia, look...we did have this conversation but, I wasn't completely honest with you. Or I guess I should say I didn't clarify enough."

Mia furrows her eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

"It's not that I _don't_ like you like that...it's that I _can't_. When I told you that I didn't like you like that...I meant that I couldn't like you like that, _ever_...or _any_ girl, actually." Victor explains.

Mia raises an eyebrow, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that..." he pauses, taking a deep breath, "Mia, I'm gay."

Victor watches as Mia's face goes through a variety of emotions...settling on understanding.

"You are?" Mia asks, turning to face him.

Victor nods, "Yeah. And that's why I don't like you like that. It was never about you, Mia...because you're _great_. And any guy would be lucky to have you. That guy just...isn't me."

Mia nods slowly, a small smile on her face, "Well...I'm relieved that it wasn't about me. And, I'm really honored you trusted me enough to tell me."

Victor smiles, "Of course I did. You've been a great friend to me since I moved here."

"You're a great friend too, Victor. Thank you for being honest with me. And...I just want you to know this changes _nothing_ between us. You're great just the way you are." Mia says, reaching over to rest her hand over Victor's, squeezing it.

Victor squeezes her hand back, smiling, "Thank you, Mia."

She nods, "So..." she says, tucking her feet under her, "Are there any _special guys_ that've caught your eye?"

Victor raises an eyebrow, smirking, "We're going to talk about boys now?"

"Obviously, we can do that now. And you can trust that I won't go and tell anyone." She says, looking at him expectantly.

Victor looks down at his lap, biting the inside

of his cheek, "Uh, yeah...there is someone that I like, actually. I like him a lot."

Mia squeals, clapping her hands together, "That is so cute! Tell me _everything_. Who is he?"

"It's uh...it's Benji." He confesses.

Mia's eyes widen in surprise, "You like Benji? That's _so_ adorable. Doesn't he have a boyfriend, though?"

Victor frowns, nodding his head, "Yeah. And it sucks."

Mia sighs, "You really like him, don't you?"

"Yeah...yeah I do." Victor whispers.

Mia reaches over to grab his hand again, "Hey...it's going to be okay. You never know what might happen."

"Yeah, you're probably right." 

Mia smiles softly, "So, where _is_ your boy tonight?"

Victor sighs, "He's having his one-year anniversary dinner with his boyfriend. And I was the _lucky guy_ that got to help him plan it all."

"Shit...that must've sucked so bad." She says sympathetically.

"Yeah...it did. But, I don't know. If Benji's happy, then I'm happy." Victor shrugs.

Victor suddenly feels the familiar energy of Benji building inside of him, and feels a wave of overwhelming sadness crash over him.

_ Something's wrong with Benji. _

Victor closes his eyes, drowning out Mia's voice and focusing in on Benji's connection. When he opens his eyes, he sees an empty Brasstown, apart from Benji.

_ And where was Derek? Why was Benji alone, and why was he so upset? _

Victor feels the ghost of a tear roll down his cheek, and instinctively reaches over to swipe it away, letting his hand linger there.

**Victor?** Benji whispers brokenly.

_ Shit. Benji is upset. And he needs to go to him...now. _

Victor blinks himself back into reality, turning to look at Mia...who's already looking at him with a concerned look.

"Victor, are you okay?" Mia asks.

Victor nods, "Yeah, I uh...I actually need to be getting home."

Mia smiles, "Of course. That's okay."

Victor hops off of her bed and collects his things, walking towards the door. He pauses before he grabs the doorknob, turning to look at Mia.

"Hey, Mia?" Victor calls out, grabbing her attention.

She hums in response, looking up at him.

"Thanks again, for _everything_." He smiles.

Mia nods, sending him a soft smile and a wave.

Victor quickly makes his way out of her house, walking in the direction of Brasstown as quickly as his feet could carry him. He shoots a quick message to Simon telling him about what transpired that night, pocketing his phone and focusing back on Benji.

"Benji?" Victor whispers.

** Victor? **

Victor lets out a breath of relief, "Hey, are you okay?"

Benji is silent, and Victor can still feel Benji's sadness building inside of him. He takes the silence as his answer.

"I'll be there soon, okay?" Victor says, quickening his pace.

~

Victor sighed in relief when he saw Brasstown come into view. He paused just outside of the window, watching with a frown as Benji folding the placemats and cleaned up...a devastated look on his face.

_ Victor wanted nothing more than to make Benji smile again. _

After hesitating for a few moments, Victor walks towards the door, walking inside of Brasstown. Benji is behind the counter near the expresso machine, turning around when he hears Victor enter.

Victor waves shyly, a sad smile on his face, "Hey."

Benji's face lightens a bit, "Hey. You didn't have to come, Victor."

"Yes I did. You're upset." Victor says.

Benji frowns, "I'll be okay. Really...you can go back to Mia's if you want."

Victor tilts his head, "Why would I do that?"

"I saw you kissing her, Victor." Benji says before he can stop himself. 

Victor frowns, "Benji, it wasn't what it looked like. You and I _both know_ that it didn't mean anything. I'm gay."

"I know, but I felt you kiss her back and...I don't know. I shouldn't have been snooping...I'm sorry." Benji apologizes, looking down at the ground.

Victor laughs, "It's okay, Benji. You can snoop _whenever_ you want."

Benji laughs softly, shaking his head.

"But I _am_ going to ask you why you were snooping during your own anniversary date. And why you're here alone now." Victor adds, walking towards the counter.

Benji sighs, "Derek left pretty early into the night."

Victor pauses, frowning, "He... _left_?"

Benji nods, "But...why did he leave? It's your anniversary."

"Honestly, he was distracted the entire night. Kept talking about wanting to go to that concert I told you about. I don't think he knew it was our anniversary, and I'm even more certain that he didn't even _remember_ our first date." Benji explains, a sad look in his eyes.

Victor rounds the corner of the counter, leaning against it. He stays silent, allowing Benji to talk.

"And when I mentioned our anniversary, he laughed." Benji adds.

Victor narrows his eyes, "He laughed?"

"Yeah. Said that anniversaries were _heteronormative rom-com bullshit for morons_." Benji explains, and Victor feels his heart constrict.

Victor sighs, "Shit, Benji. That's messed up. And also the stupidest thing I've ever heard, no offense."

Benji laughs bitterly, "None taken. I agree with you. But yeah...we argued after that and then...he left to go to the show."

Victor feels anger surge through his veins, and resists the urge to go after Derek and knock him onto his ass for upsetting Benji. Instead, he focuses on the more important thing, which is making Benji feel better.

"I'm sorry, Benji. You didn't deserve this...not after how hard you worked on it." Victor says softly, walking closer.

Benji forces a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, "Thanks, Victor. But it's okay."

"No, it's not. You deserve to be appreciated, Benji. And you deserve to be happy. Fuck...you deserve _everything_. You are _everything_." Victor proclaims, eyes wide with sincerity.

Benji's eyes widen as if he was completely taken aback by Victor's words, and a soft expression settles on his face.

He smiles, "You always make everything better, Victor. You know that, right?"

Victor shrugs, "I mean, I try. You do the same for me."

"Yeah, I guess I do huh?" Benji breathes out, leaning back against the counter.

Silence falls between them for a few seconds, and Benji breaks it, "So, uh...what was that whole Mia thing about?"

Victor sighs, playing with a sugar packet, "Well, it appears that I wasn't clear enough when I told Mia we were just friends. And then apparently Lake put some ideas into her head and...she thought she'd make a move."

"And then she apologized and uh...I told her the truth." Victor adds.

Benji raises an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"I told her I was gay. I came out to her. I figured that would be the best explanation to give her...so her feelings weren't hurt when I rejected her again." Victor explains.

Benji beams at him, "You came out to her? You said the words out loud for the first time."

Victor nods, "Yeah, I did."

"Victor, I'm so proud of you." Benji breathes out, immediately walking over to pull him down into an embrace. Victor immediately melts into it, wrapping his arms around Benji.

_ Hugging Benji was honestly one of the best feelings in the world, and he honestly never wanted to let go. _

They pull apart a short time later, and Victor glances over at the counter to see several mugs of latté. He raises an eyebrow, "Working on your latté art?"

Benji laughs, "Yup. I think I might actually be getting better. Wanna try?"

Victor nods, "Absolutely. I'm sure I can _atleast_ create something that _actually_ looks like something." he teases, earning a shove from Benji.

"Hey, my latté art will be world-famous one day...I'm sure." Benji snaps, laughing.

Victor smiles, "I'm sure. Benji Campbell...king of the Steve Harvey abstract latté art."

Benji narrows his eyes, "Shut it, Salazar. Don't knock my latté art until you prove yourself."

"So...what are you going to make?" Benji asks.

Victor pretends to be in deep thought, rubbing his chin in contemplation, "How about...a meatball. _So_ ugly but _so_ delicious..."

Benji snorts, rolling his eyes fondly. 

He gestures Victor over, showing him how to add the foam and create the design. That's how they spend their night, joking around and making the most hideous latté art.

_And seeing Benji smile, well...that makes the entire night worth it._


	14. What Happens In Willacoochie...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the days following their double-date night disasters, Benji and Victor find themselves closer than ever. Selfishly, Victor is glad that he's finally getting Benji's undivided attention, since Derek is being pushed aside. When Victor and Benji are sent on a roadtrip for work, Victor realizes that his feelings for Benji are much more intense than he thought. Will this roadtrip both do them some good, or is it a recipe for disaster?

** ALTERNATING POV: **

A lot changes in the days following the night of Victor and Benji's failed dates. Well...Benji's failed anniversary dinner and Victor's, interesting, night with Mia.

Follow Benji's anniversary dinner disaster, things between him and Derek are tense. Benji hadn't met up with him at the concert that night, and had been blowing him off ever since...ignoring his constant phone calls and text messages. 

If Benji was being completely honest, he was so tired of the constant condescending attitude with Derek, the constant judgement, the complaints and tangents. 

_ He was fed up with all of it, and needed to take time to step back and figure out if being with Derek was really what he wanted. _

The time apart from Derek allowed Benji to focus more on his growing connection with Victor, which had become _impossibly_ stronger.

Victor was thrilled at the fast-evolving relationship between him and Benji...thrilled to finally feel _needed_ and _useful_ again, and even more thrilled that he was finally getting Benji's undivided attention again. 

He realizes that it's selfish to be enjoying a lapse in his life-long bestfriend (and crush)'s relationship, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

_ Victor was just happy to have Benji back. _

The days pass by in a flash, and Benji and Victor are practically inseparable, both physically and telepathically. They are almost always together...and neither of them mind.

~

** VICTOR POV: **

It's just another Saturday morning, and Victor wakes up after another full-night of rest feeling happier than ever.

_ He knows he can credit all of that to Benji...his one escape from the stress of his day-to-day life. _

Victor barely has his eyes open before Benji is jumping into their connection, voice startling Victor awake.

**Victor! Wake up!** Benji says rather loudly.

Victor bolts upright in his bed, rubbing the sleep from eyes and letting out a groan, "Benji...what's going on?" he asks, voice still groggily with sleep.

** Shit, Victor...were you asleep? **

" _Yeah_ , kind of. I don't start my shift for another hour or two, _remember_?" Victor says quietly, falling back down against his pillow.

** Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.  **

Victor laughs, "It's fine, Benji. But since you've woken me up...care to explain to me _why_ you woke me up screaming in my ear?" he teases.

Benji snorts. **I won't even mention how wrong that sounded.**

"Benji..." Victor warns.

**Right, Sorry. Uh...I wanted to give you a heads up before you came into work. Sarah is on a witch hunt.** Benji explains, voice frantic.

Victor sighs tiredly, "A _witch_ hunt?"

**Yup. She's going ape-shit right now, Victor. And it's way too early to be dealing with her overdramatic bullshit.** Benji rants.

"What happened?" Victor asks, sitting up against his headboard and running a hand through his bedhead.

** Well apparently our expresso machine is busted, and Sarah has no idea how or why. So...she's on the phone with the mechanic and, well...you can imagine the rest. **

Victor snorts, "Yeah, I'm suddenly glad _you're_ the one dealing with her this early."

**Rude.** Benji snaps. **You should be supporting me here.**

"Hey, _you're_ the one who woke me up out of my sleep." Victor counters.

**That's fair. But please, Victor...try to get here early and save me.**

Victor smiles, " _Alright_ , alright. Calm down. I'll be there within the hour."

**You're a lifesaver, Victor. Thank you.** Benji breathes out.

Victor smirks, "So I've been told."

**Benji! Get the toolkit and get over here! I can't reach underneath the machine!** Sarah's voice cuts in.

Benji groans, and Victor snorts out another laugh.

"Looks like duty calls. Try to stay calm, B. I'll be there soon." Victor comforts him, sliding out of his bed to start his morning routine.

**Fucking kill me now.** Benji whines.

Victor squeezes his shoulder in a quick comforting gesture, letting out a yawn as he walks towards the bathroom.

~

Despite his exhaustion from being woken up far earlier than normal, Victor manages to get through his morning routine and ready for work in record time.

Before he knows it, he's starting his morning trek towards Brasstown. He decides to check in with Benji.

"How's it going over there?" Victor asks in greeting, amusement in his voice.

He hears Benji mumbling under his breath, a long line of curses strung within his incoherent whispers. And in the background, Sarah's foggy voice frantically barking orders at Benji while also on the phone. 

Victor laughs, "It sounds like it's not going well. "

**You've very observant, Victor. Good for you.** Benji mumbles sarcastically.

"Hey. I'm making my way to work over an hour early after being woken up from my sleep by you... _for you_. Don't be snappy with me." Victor scolds him.

Benji sighs. **Sorry, Vic. I'm just losing my mind over here, and I'm about so close to using one of this tools to off myself.**

Victor laughs, " _Now_ who's being dramatic?"

**Not me, Victor. Trust me...I'm reacting perfectly reasonably.**

**I'm trying, Sarah!** Benji yells, groaning.

"I'm almost there, okay? Stay calm." Victor says softly, speeding up his pace.

He lets out a breath of relief when he sees Brasstown come into view. He takes a deep breath to prepare himself, walking into the café.

Victor's eyes scan around for Benji, but all he sees is Sarah on the phone behind the counter, "Victor, _thank God_ you're here! Something terrible has happened..." she cries out, waving her hand around.

It's at that moment that Benji pops out from behind the counter...Victor's jaw dropping when he sees Benji in nothing other than a wife-beater and tight skinny jeans.

_Fuck you universe._

Victor's mouth goes dry, the familiar warm feeling pooling into his stomach. He schools his features as much as possible, walking towards the counter.

"The expresso machine is busted, and Sarah's just being _dramatic_." Benji says in greeting, offering Victor a tired-yet-annoyed smile.

Sarah gasps, "I am _not_ being dramatic Benji. Is that really what you think of me...that I'm _dramatic_?!"

Benji glances over at Victor, who raises his eyebrows.

Sarah clears her throat, "Okay, Victor...you stay here and man the store. Benji, you and I are driving to the repair guy in Willacoochie."

Victor nods, turning to walk towards the back room when a hand on his arm makes him freeze. He turns around, looking at Benji with a raised eyebrow.

"What if Victor and I went? I mean it's probably best if you stay here...for the store, y'know?" He rambles out.

Sarah sighs, "Okay _fine_. But don't come back without that machine looking new and ready to brew!" 

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out keys, "Here. Take my car." she forces them into Benji's hand, walking into the back room.

"So...we're going on a road trip? How far is Willacoochie from here?" Victor asks, leaning against the counter.

Benji nods, "It's a couple of hours away, give or take traffic. I'm sorry for forcing you into going."

Victor laughs, "Benji, It's _more_ than okay, trust me."

"Are you sure? It's just...I've done _plenty_ of road trips with Sarah and I _cannot_ handle another one." he explains, shifting his weight, "Last time she made us stop by the Ann Taylor outlet. Two hours of watching her try on irregular turtlenecks."

Victor raises an eyebrow, "She bought them all, Victor. _All_ of them!" he says in horror.

Victor snorts, shaking his head, " _Oh the horror!_ " he teases, "Relax, Benji...I'd love nothing more than to go on a road trip with you." 

Benji smiles, "Great! Cause' you're driving!" he says, tossing Victor the keys.

Victor laughs, walking over to help Benji unplug the expresso machine and move it into the backseat of the car. 

After they collect everything they need, and Benji thankfully puts a somewhat modest shirt on--- _Victor really didn't need to be distracted by his muscles during the drive_ \---they get on their way. 

As they head onto the highway, Benji clicks the radio on, scanning through the channels.

"Road trip time!" He beams, and Victor laughs.

He glances over at Benji, "We've got to stop at this Ann Taylor outlet on our way. I really could use an irregular turtleneck."

Benji shoots a glare at him, " _Not_ funny, Victor. It was a _nightmare_! She got one in every freaking color on the shelf!"

Victor sighs, "Yeah it sounds _truly_ horrific. And, who's the one being dramatic this time?"

Benji shoves at Victor's arm, laughing.

They fall into a comfortable silence as they continue down the wide expanse of the highway in front of them.

~

After about an hour or so, Benji shifts his gaze from where it was fixated on the nature passing by outside of the window, looking at Victor. He lets out a content sigh, "God I _love_ roadtrips."

He smiles, "You know...when I was younger my dad and I used to roadtrip to Dollywood like...twice a year."

Victor glances over at him with a soft smile, "Really?"

Benji nods, "Yup. We always had so much fun. Going on rides, sightseeing, seeing shows." he explains, a reminiscent, far off look in his eyes.

"Sounds like you two had a lot of fun times there. Y'know, if I thought back far enough, I think I vaguely remember being there with you." Victor says.

Benji glances over at him, "Yeah we did...and you do?"

Victor nods, "Yeah. I mean I was young so it's kind of a blur. But I'd always see hazy images of unfamiliar places in passing, or unfamiliar people...sometimes I'd hear voices. Now I'm guessing it was _your_ voice."

Benji hums, "Yeah, now that I think about it I experienced the same things."

Victor smiles, "Well, atleast we both know we weren't ever crazy."

Benji laughs, "That's _still_ debatable. I'm going to guess not a lot of people can do what we do."

"Well that just makes us _special_ , then." 

He nods, "Yeah, I guess it does."

Victor clears his throat, "So...you and your dad were really close when you were younger then, huh?"

Benji frowns, nodding, "Yeah...but as you've seen, things changed."

"Yeah..." 

Benji sighs, "Once I got older we started drifting apart. He disapproved of pretty much everything, my interest in music, my friends...and then after I came out..." he pauses, sighing.

"I'm sorry, B."

He shrugs, "It's okay. I mean I should be happy we aren't _estranged_ or anything but...things are not the same anymore."

"That's really shitty." Victor says sadly, a frown finding its way onto his face

Benji slumps back against his seat, "Yeah...yeah it is."

Victor glances over at him, giving him a soft and reassuring smile. Benji's face lights up at the gesture, a small smile on his lips. They continue to hold eachother's gazes for a few seconds when a phone ringing snaps them back into reality.

They both glance at the dashboard, where Benji's phone is ringing with a call from Derek.

Benji reaches over, clicking reject call.

_ Victor tries to force back the smile that threatens to fall on his face, shooting a questioning look at Benji. _

"What? I'm not going to force you to roadtrip with me and then talk to my boyfriend the whole time." He says, avoiding Victor's eyes.

Victor shakes his head, "First of all, I came with you _willingly_. Second, I can tell something is bothering you. Trouble in paradise?"

Benji shrugs, "Not really feeling like talking about it."

"That's okay. But if you want to, you know I'm here right?" Victor asks. He reaches across the center console, resting his hand on top of Benji's. 

Benji looks up to meet his eyes, smiling, "Yeah, I know."

Victor gives him a smile, turning his focus back to the road. He keeps one hand on the wheel, the other remaining over Benji's.

They fall into comfortable silence during the remainder of the drive, chatting on and off as Benji gives him the remaining directions.

~

Before they know it their drive is over, and Victor is pulling up at a small repair shop. He and Benji carry the machine in, meeting the repairman Wally...who examines the machine and tells them that it is indeed broken.

Benji asks what the damage is, and Victor chimes in asking how long it's going to take. Wally proceeds to pull a Felix and go off on a tangent comparing his wife to the old machine, adding something about soup, breadbowls and train stations.

Finally he tells them that he doesn't have a time estimate, but that he'll try his best to fix it quickly.

Victor and Benji watch as he slowly walks away from the repair shop to go and get his 'special tools'...Victor sighing.

"At the rate that he's going, we'll never get back in time and Sarah's going to bite our heads off." Victor complains, pouting.

Benji knocks their shoulders together, "Hey, first of all...she already bit my head off this morning. It's only fair she does it to you too."

Victor shoots him a glare, "And second...relax. Worrying isn't going to make him go any faster. Let's just enjoy our time away from Brasstown, and Atlanta, okay?"

Victor nods, "Yeah, you're right. So...what should we do to kill time?"

Benji smiles, " _Well_ , we passed by a thrift shop on our way into town. We could go and act crazy in there until they kick us out."

Victor smirks, "Sounds fun to me. But I'm not wearing _anything_ someone died in."

Benji raises an eyebrow, laughing and grabbing Victor's arm...dragging him towards the car.

~

True to Benji's word, they do go to a thrift store and they _do_ go crazy. They pick out the wackiest clothes for eachother to try on, changing in neighboring fitting rooms and modeling for eachother when they come out.

They laugh at the ridiculous outfits, compliment the actual nice ones, and dance around like two little kids in a candy store---that part earns them some judgemental looks, but neither of them care all that much---

Victor learns quickly that Benji looks good in anything and _everything_ \---even bell bottom pants---and he blushes whenever Benji compliments him.

Several outfits and obnoxious dance routines later, Victor stands outside of his fitting room looking in the mirror, adjusting his now disheveled appearance.

His gaze shifts over towards Benji's fitting room, where he sees Benji through the small sliver of space between the curtain.

He finds himself unable to tear his gaze away as Benji pulls off his shirt, running a hand through his hair. 

Victor's eyes widen as his eyes scan over Benji's bare torso, mouth going dry and heart racing in his chest. 

_ Fuck. He's so beautiful. _

Victor forces himself to turn away as Benji walks out of the fitting room.

"So...find anything worth buying?" Benji asks.

Victor clears his throat, "Uh, no. But if I'm ever in need of a tuxedo that someone wore in the early 1900s, I'll be sure to come here."

Benji snorts, "Well, I found a band t-shirt, so lets go buy this and then we'll find something else to do to kill time."

Victor follows Benji to the front of the store, standing a distance away as Benji checks out...eyeing him up-and-down while he's not looking.

Benji turns to glance at him, shooting him a bright smile, and God...he really has the most beautiful smile.

Victor smiles back shyly, averting his gaze as a blush settles on his cheeks. He nearly jumps out of his skin when his phone rings.

The call ends up being from Wally, who, much to Victor's disappointment, already finished the repairs to the machine. 

_ The repairs were done. The fun trip that gave him an escape from reality was already over, and they'd have to leave. _

Victor hangs up the call, a million thoughts swirling through his mind. 

He knows that Sarah told Benji to stay in a motel if the repairs would take until the next day. Victor knows how wrong it would be to lie about the machine not being done just to spend more time with Benji.

He also knows that he doesn't want to go back home, to part ways with Benii and go back to the tense and stressful environment of his home.

_ And in that moment, Victor makes his decision.  _

"Hey..." Victor breathes out, grabbing Benji's attention.

Benji turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow, "Hey, you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Victor laughs quietly, " _Oh_ , yeah I'm fine. I just spoke to Wally and...it looks like the repair is going to take longer than he thought. We're going to need to spend the night."

Benji nods slowly, "Okay. Well, no wonder you looked horrified, Sarah is going to lose her shit."

Victor laughs, averting his gaze. 

_ Fuck. He just made a mistake. Benji would be furious with him if he ever found out. _

Victor feels Benji's hand on his arm, gesturing towards the door. He follows him out to the car, trying to push away his growing negative thoughts and focus on getting to spend more time with Benji.

They decide to drive through the town for awhile, sightseeing and taking photos, stop at a local diner for food, and then find a motel to check into for the night. 

~

After they get their room, only one since its less expensive---and because the universe wants to torture Victor for his lie, there's only _one_ bed---they head upstairs for the night.

Victor follows Benji inside, seeing no couch or chair in sight. They were really going to have to share a bed.

_ He was going to have to sleep next to the love of his life...the guy he'd been connected to in every way since childhood. _

_ Fuck. _

Victor quickly mutters out an excuse of going to get changed in the bathroom before quickly bolting away and shutting the door behind him. 

He leans against the door, closing his eyes and vowing his heart to stop racing.

_ What the fuck did you do, Victor? _

He sighs, walking over to the sink and splashing water over his face, glancing up into the mirror and frowning.

He pulls out his phone, shooting a quick text to the one person he could trust to talk to.

Victor: _Mia, I need your help._

A few seconds later, she responds.

Mia: _Whats going on? Is everything okay?_

Victor: _No. You see, its actually a pretty funny story. Benji and I had to road trip to this repair shop for work, and I kind of lied about the repair being done so we could stay the night here._

Mia: _You WHAT? Victor!_

Victor: _I know, okay! I know I shouldn't have lied but...I needed to get away from everything at home and, I really like spending time with Benji._

Mia: _You shouldnt have lied, Victor. But its okay, I know you didn't have bad intentions._

Victor: _Yeah, but Benji might hate me if he ever finds out._

Mia: _He could never hate you. You guys are attached at the hip, practically inseparable. Don't beat yourself up over it, okay?_

Mia: _It's going to be okay. Just go spend time with your boy...I'm here if you need to talk._

Victor: _Thanks Mia. You're the best._

Mia: _:)_

Victor takes a deep breath, quickly slipping out of his jeans and making his way back into the motel room, deciding to just face up to his decision. 

He forces a smile, holding his jeans in front of his bare legs as a barrier from Benji's intense gaze, "Hey, so uh...you can take the bed if you want and I can just sleep on..." he pauses, looking at the gross carpet and shivering, "the floor."

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Victor, _seriously_? That carpet is nasty. And besides, we've been connected our entire lives, about as intimately as two people can be. I think we can manage to share a bed."

He pats the space next to him, a smile on his face.

Victor laughs shyly, walking over to drop his things on the nightstand. He freezes when he sees Benji's wallet sitting out...the license on display.

He turns to lean against the nightstand, "Hey, I never asked but...how are things going with the license suspension and all?"

Benji looks taken aback for a second, quickly schooling his features, "Oh, uh...my suspension is almost up. Then I'll have to take my recertification driver's test and the required drug and alcohol tests. And hopefully if all goes well...I'll be driving again soon."

Victor nods, "Are you nervous?"

Benji raises an eyebrow, "About what?"

"Y'know...getting behind the wheel again? After... _everything_?" He asks, mentally slapping himself.

_ He shouldn't be bringing this topic up. The last thing he wants to do is upset Benji, or trigger him. _

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to upset you or anything. I just want to make sure that you're feeling okay about everything." Victor adds, fidgeting with his hands.

Benji smiles softly, "Victor, you don't have to apologize, it's okay."

Victor is silent, allowing for Benji to continue.

Benji fidgets his hands nervously, a nervous habit that Victor has picked up on over time, "I, uh...I'm not as nervous about the driving part as I am about the... _PTSD_ part."

Victor frowns, "PTSD?"

Benji nods, "Yeah. After my accident I was told that I might start showing signs of PTSD...that certain things might trigger an episode. I'm not sure if driving again will bring back those memories."

He pauses, "I just don't want to slip up again, y'know? Fall into old habits because of it. I mean I'm almost a year sober, and I'm still worried about fucking _everything_ up again."

Victor shakes his head, "Benji, you're stronger than you think. Don't doubt yourself. I mean...look how far you've come."

Benji laughs, "Yeah...it hasn't been easy. But that doesn't get rid of the doubts, y'know? And my parents, well...my dad, _constantly_ reminding me of my fuckups doesnt make it _any_ better." 

Victor frowns, walking towards the bed and sitting down beside Benji, folding his legs underneath him, "Your dad does what?"

"Ever since the accident, he's always found time to throw everything back in my face. About the totalled car, and the damages to the Wendy's, and how his image could be tarnished by his _gay-alcoholic_ son." Benji smiles bitterly.

"Fuck, that's awful, Benji..." Victor breathes out, at a total loss for words.

_ He's always disliked Benji's dad, but he felt his hatred for the man growing even stronger in this moment. _

"Yeah, doesn't help to hear what a _fuck-up_ you are when you're in recovery." He jokes, and Victor's frown grows.

Victor sighs, "You aren't a fuck up. Look, I know it might not mean much coming from me but...I'm _so_ proud of you, Benji. I mean...almost a _year_ of sobriety? That's fucking _amazing_. And the strength that you've had through everything? The way you still have a smile on your face and push through...you're just _amazing_..." Victor pauses, "You _inspire_ me, Benji."

Benji's eyes are wide, as if he's never gotten praise like that before...and Victor feels his heart shatter.

_ How the hell could people not admire Benji? How could they not love every part of him? _

Maybe it was because Victor is connected to him, binded to him in a way that gives him a glimpse inside like nobody else gets. He's seen all of the best and worst parts of Benji, the beautiful and the ugly...he's experienced them first hand, and Victor has never met a more amazing person in his life.

_ God, he is so in love with him, all of him. _

"Victor, I..." Benji whispers, "Thank you. God...you have no idea how much that means to me."

Victor smiles, "Thank _you_ , Benji. For being you. And for trusting me to be here with you through it all."

Benji grins, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, "Of course. You are just...so easy to talk to, Victor. You make trusting people so much easier."

Victor blushes, looking down at his lap.

"There's nobody that I would've rather been connected to my entire life, Victor. I'm...so glad that we met, that we've always been... _us_." Benji admits in a soft voice.

Victor looks up to meet his eyes, smiling shyly, "Me too."

Silence falls between them as their eyes remain locked on eachother's. Benji breaks the eye contact first, looking down at his hands and chewing on his lower lip.

"We should probably get some sleep. It's been...a long day." He suggests, voice not completely convincing.

Victor nods, "Yeah, we probably should."

Benji offers him a small smile as he turns around to shut the lamp beside him, moving to lay down and get comfortable.

"Goodnight, Victor. Thank you...for everything."

Victor remains frozen in his spot, eyes locked on Benji. He whispers a barely audible 'goodnight', mind racing.

~


	15. Stays in Willacoochie...or not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Benji's roadtrip is going great, until Victor makes an impulsive choice that may just cost him his connection with Benji. Victor kisses Benji, leading to a tense fallout afterward that leaves the future of them in shambles. Benji tries his hardest to be there for Victor, but knows that they need some distance now. Benji goes his separate way, and Victor decides to go his separate way...all the way to New York.

** BENJI POV: **

Benji settles in against the uncomfortable motel mattress...closing his eyes.

He finds himself unable to fall asleep, mind still reeling from the conversation that had just taken place between him and Victor. His heart races in his chest as Victor's words echo in his mind.

_ I'm so proud of you, Benji. _

_ you're just amazing... _

_ You inspire me, Benji _

Victor's words impacted Benji in a way that he couldnt even begin to understand. He doesn't want to say he's never gotten a compliment in his life, because he has. Sure he'd gotten compliments from plenty of people about his appearance, and his talents...but he'd never gotten attention or compliments from the people that _mattered_ \---not his family, not his parents, and not even Derek, most of the time---

And then Victor, someone who he's only known for a short time in person but been connected to his entire life, seen all of the ugly parts of Benji and experienced all of the worst moments he's faced right with him, says all of the words that he's needed to hear for so long.

_ And his mind is reeling, an unexplainable number of emotions swirling inside of him...leaving him restless. _

It's in moments like these where Benji is eternally grateful that he's gotten to know Victor, that they have always been a team.

_ He wasn't sure what he'd do without him there as a constant, unwavering support. _

Benji continues to get lost in the sea of his thoughts until he feels the touch of a warm hand settle on his shoulder. For a second he thinks that he's fallen asleep and is imagining it, but then the touch tightens.

_ Victor. _

Benji immediately opens his eyes, glancing over his shoulder at him...blinking the darkness from his eyes.

"Victor?" Benji whispers, turning around to face him more directly.

Benji furrows his eyebrows in concern, "Is everything okay?"

Benji barely has time to register what is happening before Victor is leaning in towards him, capturing his lips in a kiss and resting his hand against Benji's cheek.

Benji is frozen in shock for a second, instinctively leaning into the kiss and reciprocating.

_ Holy fucking shit. Victor is kissing him. And it feels so...right. Like he's been waiting for this moment forever. _

He moves his hand up to grab onto Victor's arm, and that's when it all comes crashing down onto him like a tidal wave.

_ Derek. _

_ He has a boyfriend. He still has a boyfriend. _

_ This is wrong. This can't be happening. _

Benji immediately gets a firm grip on Victor's arm, pushing him away.

Both of them stare right into eachother's eyes, chests heaving as they fight to get air. And Benji's are wide in shock, jaw dropped.

"Victor... _no_." Benji manages to breathe out, searching Victor's face for the answers to the millions of questions swirling around his mind.

_ Why did you kiss me? _

_ Why did you kiss me when you know I have a boyfriend? _

_ Do you...like me or something? _

_ Why? Why? Why? _

Instead, Victor's face goes from shocked, to regret, to horrified. Victor stumbles over his words, "Benji, I-I-" 

He pushes himself back and jumps off of the bed, "I'm sorry, Benji. Fuck, I'm...I'm _so_ sorry."

Benji finds himself frozen, unable to move or say something back. Victor is panicking, and pulling away and he needs to say something, do something to make him stay.

_ They need to talk about this. Fuck, Benji...say something. _

He's too slow, and watches helplessly as Victor stumbles towards the door.

"Victor, _wait_!" Benji finally manages to blurt out, but Victor is already out the door, it slamming behind him.

Benji watches as he goes, his heart sinking in his chest. He sinks back onto his hands, letting out a groan of frustration.

"Fuck." He breathes out, eyes still locked on the door.

He isn't sure where Victor is going, and instantly grows worried about him. They're in an unfamiliar place, at a motel in the middle of nowhere late at night, Victor is barely dressed and in an unstable-state-of-mind.

_ He needs to make sure he's okay. Unable to bring himself to move, he decides to try and break through their connection. _

Benji leans back against the headboard, closing his eyes and focusing intensely. Hopefully, Victor was far enough away that he could feel his energy, and hopefully Victor didn't put his walls up.

Benji takes a deep breath, clinging onto the familiar warmth of Victor's energy.

And that's when he feels all of Victor's emotions crash into his own. 

_ Sadness. Guilt. Fear. Anger. Self-Hatred. _

Benji frowns as the feelings leave a tight knot in his stomach. He opens his eyes, the faint image of the hallway appearing in front of him. 

Victor is sitting on the floor, legs tucked to his chest and head laying on top of them. Benji can feel the hammering of his heart inside his chest, can feel the ghost of tears running down his cheeks.

_ Fuck. Victor is crying. _

Before Benji can say anything, Victor's voice is cutting through, barely audible.

** What the fuck did I just do? Why did I do that? **

** I'm so stupid. How could I do something so stupid? I ruined everything. **

** Why do I have to fuck everything up? Why do I have to be gay, and have these feelings. I hate myself. **

** Benji's going to hate me and shut me out forever. I'm going to lose him. **

Benji finds himself unable to stop his own tears from falling down. He hates to hear Victor talk about himself like this, to see him so sad and devastated. 

Pushing aside his own confusing feelings on the situation, he knows he needs to talk to Victor. To comfort him.

"Victor..." Benji whispers.

Victor freezes, panic settling in his stomach that Benji feels inside of him.

**B-Benji...** Victor chokes out, letting out a quiet sob.

Benji frowns, "Victor...it's _okay_."

**No it's not. Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Benji.**

"Victor, it's _okay_. Please calm down." Benji whispers.

** It's not. **

"Victor... _please_ come back so we can talk." he pleads.

Victor shakes his head, swiping his arm across his eyes.

** I-I can't...I can't lose you, Benji. **

Benji sighs, "You _aren't_ going to lose me, Victor."

** Don't. Please don't say that. Don't lie to me. I can't... **

"Victor...I'm _not_ lying. But we _need_ to talk about this." Benji offers.

Victor is silent, and Benji hesitates before resting his hand on his own shoulder, squeezing it firmly.

**I hate myself, Benji.** Victor whispers brokenly.

"You shouldn't." 

** But I do. I hate myself. I hate this part of me that I wish I could change...it just makes everything harder. Look what it made me do. God, I hate every part of myself. **

Benji is silent, hand still on his shoulder.

**The only thing I don't hate about myself, Benji...is you.** Victor confesses. **And I can't lose that. I can't lose you.**

Benji's eyes widen, his hand going limp on his shoulder. His heart starts racing rapidly in his chest.

_ Did Victor just confess his feelings for him? And did the thought of that make Benji happy? _

_ Did Benji have feelings for Victor, too? Did he always? _

_ He can't. He's still with Derek, they've been together a year. He can't throw that away so easily. It's not right. _

_ He can't do this. _

Benji knows that, no matter how much it hurts, he's going to have to distance himself from Victor...long enough to figure things out.

He needs to figure out whether or not him and Derek are worth fighting for. Or if he was blind and should've been with Victor the whole time.

_ And he can't do that while Victor's around. _

Benji decides not to dwell on that fact too much yet, instead focusing on atleast cheering Victor up. Reassuring him that he's not going to go anywhere, not for too long.

_ He'd always come back to Victor. _

Benji wraps his arms around himself in a hug and squeezes. He feels Victor return the gesture, his warmth settling over Benji.

"You _aren't_ going to lose me, Victor." Benji says, and its a promise.

Victor lets out a sob, clinging onto Benji's energy tighter. 

Benji frowns, "Now _please_ , come back...we can talk about this tomorrow."

** A-are you sure? I can go to the car or get another room or- **

"Victor," Benji interrupts, "Come back. It's okay."

Benji is met with silence, and the connection gets disconnected. A few minutes later a silent knock sounds at the door, and Victor slowly walks in, his head down and arms wrapped around himself.

He glances up at Benji through the darkness, and Benji can see the tear-tracks on his cheeks, the swollen-redness of his eyes, the deep frown on his face.

Instead of saying anything, Benji just lays back, opening his arms as a silent invitation. Victor hesitates at the edge of the bed, and Benji gestures to him.

Victor finally breaks, practically collapsing right into Benji's waiting arms. He rests his head on his chest, throwing an arm over his abdomen. 

He lets out a sob, crying silently into Benji's chest. And Benji tightens his arms around him, stroking a hand up and down his back comfortingly. 

"I'm sorry, Benji, I'm _so_ sorry." Victor whispers.

Benji sighs, "Shhh, Victor. It's okay. I'm not mad. It's okay."

He continues to hold Victor until his cries subside, whispering reassurances to him that he promises to keep. Victor's breaths eventually even out, signaling that he's cried himself to sleep.

Benji frowns as he looks down at Victor's face, which still looks sad and lost. 

_ Tomorrow they'd talk about everything, and then Benji would take the time to figure out his own shit. _

But for now...he closes his eyes, focusing on the gentle beat of Victor's heart against his chest, helping him to fall asleep.

~

The next morning is pretty tense. Victor and Benji get their things together and get dressed in tense silence, both avoiding eachother's eyes. 

After checking out of the motel, they make their way to the car and head towards Wally's repair shop to pick up the expresso machine. Victor is defeated, and silent...so Benji informs him that he'll go get the machine.

Upon talking to Wally, Benji is informed that the repairs to their expresso machine was finished the previous afternoon, and that Wally had been waiting for them to show after calling Victor.

Benji is stunned, and doesn't know how to react to what he's hearing.

_ Victor...lied to him? _

Benji isn't sure whether or not to feel tricked, or taken advantage of (he logically knows Victor would never take advantage of him), or angry, or confused. He feels so much and yet so little. 

He schools his features, making up some excuse to Wally, paying him and thanking him for the repairs, carrying the machine to the car.

He settles back into his seat next to Victor, who's still avoiding his gaze. He clenches his jaw, turning away from Victor.

They continue onto the highway for what was undoubtedly going to be the most awkward several-hour car ride ever. They drive in silence for what feels like ages, until Victor talks for the first time that day.

"Hey, Benji, look...I-" Victor whispers, but he cuts him off.

"You _lied_ to me?" He says, hurt in his voice.

Victor glances over at him, eyes wide, "I-"

"Did you lie to me about the machine being done?" Benji demands.

Victor is silent, before nodding.

Benji frowns, "Why would you do that? I thought we _never_ lied to eachother."

"We don't, I... _fuck_. Benji, I didn't do it to take advantage of you or anything. I can see how you'd think that after what happened last night but that wasn't it. I'd _never_ do that." Victor rushes to explain, voice desperate.

"Then why _did_ you?" He asks.

Victor sighs, "Because everything at home sucks, and you make everything better. Yesterday was like an escape and I didn't want it to end."

Benji chews on his lower lip, nodding his head.

He felt the same way about their trip, so he understood Victor's feelings. That didn't make his manipulation okay, but it made Benji understand.

"Benji, I'm so sorry, for that and for _everything_..." Victor whispers.

"I know, Victor. I know, and I'm not mad." He reassures him.

Victor glances over at him with wide eyes, "You aren't?"

Benji shakes his head, "No. But Victor, listen..."

Victor deflates slightly, as if he knows where the conversation is heading.

"I'm not mad about what happened, okay? But...I'm still with Derek. And last night complicated things for me a lot more. So...I think I need some time away, some distance...just to figure things out."

_ He hears Victor sniffle, and fuck...he made Victor cry. He can't bring himself to look over at him...it would make this harder. _

Victor clears his throat, "I-I understand. Does this mean you're going to close me out entirely?"

Benji shakes his head, "I'd never do that, Victor. But I just need time. I promise it won't be forever."

"O-okay. Yeah..." he whispers, voice cracking.

Benji shifts his gaze out to the window, closing his eyes as the pain settles in from hurting Victor.

Their conversation ends after that, and they stay in silence the remainder of the way back to Brasstown. Once they arrive back at work, they silently bring the expresso machine inside, neither in the mood for Sarah's bullshit.

She can sense something off between them and doesn't push, instead sending them both home.

Victor practically bolts from Brasstown, leaving Benji watching with a frown.

Benji shakes himself from his thoughts and goes to collect his things, sending a text on his way out to Derek. He needed to talk to him.

~

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor storms out of Brasstown as quickly as possible, anxious to get as much distance between him and Benji as possible.

He slows his pace once he's a safe distance away, allowing himself to get lost in the thoughts swirling around in his mind.

_ He fucked everything up. He was so stupid. _

_ He kissed Benji...knowing that he still had a boyfriend. A boyfriend of over a year. A boyfriend that, yes, he was having problems with but...regardless, Victor had this knowledge and still kissed him. _

_ What was he thinking? _

Honestly, Victor _wasn't_ thinking at all. He'd just felt so connected to Benji in that moment, and his feelings for the boy had become so overwhelming that they clouded his judgment.

One minute he was watching Benji's sleeping form, and the next he was pulling him into a kiss. A kiss that Benji _did_ reciprocate.

_ Or maybe he imagined that part. _

Either way, Victor regretted it the second after it happened, and things had just fallen to pieces after that.

Victor tries to reassure himself that Benji wasn't lying, that the distance between them wouldnt be permanent. That Benji would come back to him eventually. But then his doubts started overpowering that and...

_ Victor just felt lost...numb. _

As Victor walks in the direction of his house, he composes a text message to Simon, filling him in on all of the details of what transpired the previous night.

He doesn't hold himself back from talking about his self-hatred. He doesn't hold anything back, just...pours his heart out.

Victor really hoped that Benji wasn't tuning in right now, seeing all that he was writing. 

_ Who was he kidding? Benji no doubt closed the connection between them. The last thing he'd be doing is checking in. _

Before Victor knows it he's home, greeting his parents and quickly making his way to his room where he could be alone with his thoughts.

Victor's phone dings with a notification from Simon, and he falls back onto his bed as he reads it.

_ It kills me to hear you talk about yourself like that. You're perfect. And that part of yourself that you wish you could cut out, that makes you...you. If you could only see what my life was like in New York, you'd see that there's a world beyond high school. Beyond your family. I wish you were here right now so I can give you a hug, and make you believe it. _

_ Love, Simon _

In that moment, Victor decides that fuck it...he's already made one impulsive decision, why not make another.

He immediately grabs his tablet, searching for bus tickets to New York City. Before he can change his mind, and without asking Simon if its okay...he books himself a ticket to New York.

Victor smiles when his order is finalized. He thinks about going to New York City for the first time...the bustling city life, the immensity of the city, the endless possibilities. 

Hopefully this spontaneous 22-hour bus trip would be enough to distract him from all of the drama going on at home, from the stress of his situation with Benji and the possibility of losing him for good...from everything.

_ And maybe, he'd come home with a new perspective...with some sense of how to fix the shit going on around him. _

After thinking about how exactly he's going to get away with going to New York without being caught---a lie about an overnight school basketball trip, fake permission slip and all, perfect---he calls the one person he trusts to keep his secret.

After the second ring the call picks up.

" _Hello_?" Mia says over the line.

Victor smiles, "Hey Mia. Did you have time to talk?"

" _I sure do. What's up? And before I forget...how did things go with Benji?_ " She asks, shuffling around on the line.

Victor clears his throat, "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I, uh...I really messed up, Mia."

" _What? How?_ "

He sighs, "Things were going okay, and then I...I kissed Benji in the motel. I kissed him, Mia, and I fucked everything up."

" _What_?!" She yells out, making him jump slightly.

Victor falls silent, waiting for her inevitable lecture, " _Victor, are you okay?_ "

He furrows his eyebrows, "What? No lecture about how completely stupid I am?"

She sighs, " _Victor, I know you, okay? You're already beating yourself up over it enough. And you aren't stupid. You made a mistake but these things happen, trust me...I know._ "

Victor raises an eyebrow, "Oh, really? And what mistakes have you made?"

"I sort of kissed Andrew last night during my father's charity event." She explains quietly.

Victor gasps, "Wait, _what_? You and Andrew?"

" _Yeah, well...we aren't a thing. Not really its uh...complicated. And that's completely unimportant right now. Listen..._ " She says, " _I can hear that you're upset, so talk to me._ "

Victor frowns, taking a deep breath, "Okay, yeah...I'm not okay. God, Mia...I feel so stupid. I like him so much and, fuck...I might lose him forever."

" _Victor, even if he's upset for now...he'll forgive you. You guys are like inseparable._ " She says, and Victor sighs.

"I don't know. But look...I didn't call to talk about me. There's something I want to tell you, but you need to promise not to tell anyone." He explains.

She's silent for a moment, " _Okay, what is it?_ "

He goes ahead and spills everything to Mia. He tells her about his texting-mentorship with Simon from beginning-to-end, and about how after the kiss he needs to escape. He tells her about how he's going to go to New York to visit Simon.

" _Woah, that's...a lot. But wait...you're going to New York and not telling anyone?_ " She asks.

"I'm telling _you_ , that's it. My parents are going to think i'm on a basketball trip, and Felix, well...I'll make up something to hold him off." He explains.

Mia sighs, " _And what about Benji?_ "

Victor raises an eyebrow, "He's not going to care, so I'm not telling him anything."

" _And if he asks me where you are when you don't show up to school?_ " She asks.

Victor laughs, "Mia, he's not going to even notice I'm gone, _trust me_. He won't care."

" _Victor..._ "

"No, Mia. He _won't_ , okay? So don't worry about it. Look, just promise you won't tell anyone...okay? I _need_ this." He pleads.

She is silent, before sighing, " _Okay, fine. But you need to atleast keep in contact with me, okay? I want to know you're okay._ "

"I can do that."

" _Okay, good. I won't tell anyone. And Victor...I really hope this trip helps you feel better._ " She says honestly.

Victor smiles, "Thanks, Mia. I do too. Okay, well I'll see you at school soon."

He bids her farewell before hanging up the phone. Everything for his trip is set up and ready to go.

_ A small part of him hopes that Benji will notice that he's gone, and that he'll be concerned, or miss him...maybe even check in with Victor. But Victor knows that's unlikely, so he tries to ignore the disappointment he already feels. _

Instead thinking about his trip to New York, and the adventure that lies ahead.

~


	16. New York City Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its finally here...the day that Victor gets to escape to New York City, if his plan works out...of course. Luckily, everything goes according to plan, and he's relieved once he climbs onto the bus to New York. Meanwhile back in Atlanta, Benji is worried when he doesn't see Victor around school, and unable to connect with him...he goes to Mia. The next day he's finally able to connect with Victor. How does he react seeing that Victor is in New York?

** VICTOR POV: **

The morning of Victor's trip arrives quicker than he'd expected, and he wakes up feeling better than he had in the several days since the work trip to Willacoochie. 

While he quickly gets his things together in an overnight bag and makes sure he has his ticket and travel information prepared, he shoots a quick text over to Simon thanking him for his message, and telling him about his plans to travel to New York.

Logically, Victor knows that he probably should've given Simon a heads up before deciding for himself that he'd crash on Simon's couch.

_Honestly_ , he didn't really care. He was just excited to escape and experience the magic of New York City...the details could be worried about later.

Victor double checks to make sure he has everything before putting his next part of the plan into motion...getting passed his family.

He looks over his fake permission slip, impressed at just how realistic it was. Maybe he'd _actually_ pull this off.

Victor takes a deep breath, composing himself before going out into the kitchen to greet his family. 

" _Good_ Morning." He sing-songs as he enters the kitchen, dropping his duffel bag onto the counter and casually sliding the permission slip into the mail tray.

They all greet him goodmorning with smiles, which is a surprising sight in the wake of all the tension and family drama.

"Buenos. You going somewhere?" Armando asks, raising an eyebrow as he eyes Victor's bag suspiciously.

Victor laughs, "Yeah, This weekend's that basketball camp at Georgia state. The team's leaving right after school."

His parents share a confused look, before looking back at him.

He raises an eyebrow, "Did you guys forget? I told you about it _forever_ ago. Gave you a permission slip and everything."

They share another confused look, and Victor tries his hardest not to laugh.

He slips his hand into the mail bin, pulling out the permission slip, " _See_? Here it is." he says matter-of-factly, holding it up.

They both raise their eyebrows in surprise, "Oh!"

"Yeah, okay...sorry Flaco. Bring it here, I'll sign it right now." Armando says, an unsure look on his face.

Victor smiles, grabbing a pen and bringing it over to him.

_ Holy shit his plan actually worked. It's actually working. _

He tries not to laugh when Pilar starts talking about how she's forged their father's signature a number of times, which she would undoubtedly would be reprimanded for later...judging by the looks on their parents faces.

Luckily, he'd be on a bus to New York and not here to witness it. No family-fixing for him this time.

_ This time...he's doing something for himself. _

Armando finishes signing the permission slip, and Victor quickly grabs his bag, yelling a quick thank you and goodbye before heading out the door and towards the bus stop. 

_ He was actually doing this. There was no turning back. _

When Victor finally reaches the bus stop, eyes landing on the sign that said " _Destination: New York City_ " he grins, bouncing on his feet excitedly as he makes his way over.

He climbs onto the bus and finds a seat, excitement building up even further.

_ In 22-short hours, he'd be across the country in New York City, away from the tension with his family, and away from the pain and emptiness he feels over his situation with Benji. _

~

** BENJI POV: **

After returning home from Willacoochie, Benji decided to meet up with Derek to talk about everything that happened on their anniversary.

Of course, Benji could never have an mature, adult conversation with Derek without him turning it into an argument, or turning the blame onto Benji. 

So its safe to say that things were far from fixed between the two of them, and Benji was starting to wish that he could talk to Victor about it.

_ Hell, he just wished he could talk to Victor. _

It's now been several days since he's last spoken to Victor, and it's starting to wear down on Benji. He's had to stop himself several times from instinctively checking in on Victor.

_ That's probably the last thing that Victor wanted, and the worst thing he could do for himself when he hasnt yet sorted through the Derek situation. _

So he stays silent, and hopes that Victor is okay.

Benji is woken up early in the morning before school with a phone call from Sarah, letting him know that Victor called out of work, and wouldn't be there for the night shift.

And Benji was instantly worried, and disappointed. He'd hoped to talk to him during their shift...atleast make sure he was okay.

While he got ready for school, Benji decided, against his better judgement, to check in on Victor. But when he tried to focus in on Victor's energy...it wasn't there.

_ It wasn't the same feeling as being closed out or separated by a wall, so Victor was most likely asleep...but it didn't hurt any less. _

Benji decided to try and find him at school. It turns out that plan also fell through, since he passed by the gymnasium on the way to his first period class and Victor wasn't standing outside like he usually was.

As the day went on, Benji continued searching around for Victor in-between classes, but when lunch time arrived and there was still no sign of him, Benji began to get worried.

_ Victor never missed school. _

As he exchanges his books at his locker, he tries and fails again to grasp onto Victor's energy.

_ Where the hell are you, Victor? _

After exhausting all of his options, Benji decides to go in search of someone that may know where Victor is, if he's okay...or atleast something more than Benji did.

On his walk through the hallway to the cafeteria, Benji spots Mia at her locker...taking a deep breath before approaching her. 

"Hey, Mia." He greets her, leaning against the locker beside her and shoving his hands into his pockets.

Mia turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow, "Oh, hey Benji. What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you've, uh...seen Victor? I can't seem to find him." He asks.

Mia's face is unreadable for a few moments as her eyes dart around the hallway, finally landing back on Benji.

"Uh, no...I haven't. I don't think he's in school today." She says quickly.

Benji frowns, "Oh...do you know where he is? I got a call earlier that he called out from the night shift tonight."

She shakes her head, "No, I don't sorry...I haven't talked to him."

Benji can tell by the way she's purposely avoiding his eyes that she knows something he doesn't, or is withholding information. He decides to keep pressing for answers.

"Oh, okay. Did you talk to him the _other day_ by any chance?" He asks.

Mia furrows her eyebrows, "When?"

"A few days ago. When we got back from our work trip." He adds.

Mia clears her throat, "Uh, I mean yeah I talked to him then...why?" 

"I'm sure that he told you everything that happened, since you guys are close. I haven't talked to him since then and I'm just...I'm worried. I just want to make sure he's okay." He says, not even trying to hide the worry evident in his voice.

Mia frowns, her eyes sympathetic, "I talked to him the day you guys got back, and he was upset...but I haven't heard from him much since. So I'm not really sure."

Benji sighs, looking down at the ground.

"Hey, Benji..." she breathes out, making him look up to meet her gaze, "Look, I know that Victor made a mistake, and trust me...he's beating himself up over it. But he cares about you _so_ much, and he's sorry. Please just...don't push him away forever, okay?"

Benji's eyes are wide, a pit forming in his stomach at her words, "I wasn't planning on it. I care about him, too."

Mia smiles softly, "I know you do, or else you wouldn't be asking if he was okay despite being in a fight."

"Thanks, Mia. Look, will you _please_ let me know if you hear anything from him?" He asks.

Mia hesitates for a moment, before nodding, "Yeah, Benji. I will. But don't worry, I'm sure he's okay." she reassures him.

Benji nods, "Yeah. Thanks, Mia."

He waves goodbye to her as he makes his way to the cafeteria, mind still completely focused on Victor.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, and before Benji knows it he's arriving at Brasstown for his shift. His shift goes by in a drag, the café not busy and feeling even more quiet than usual.

_ Work just wasn't the same without Victor there. _

By the time Benji gets home from his shift, He's emotionally exhausted from the day, almost instantly collapsing onto his bed.

Before he goes to sleep, he tries one more time to connect with Victor, but is disappointed when it falls through again.

He twists-and-turns most of the night before finally managing to fall asleep, deciding that he'd try again to connect with Victor in the morning.

~

Benji is woken up in the morning by voices echoing in his head. He blinks the sleep from his eyes, looking around his room in a half-awake haze before realizing the voices were in his head.

** Victor?  **

**Hey, Victor!** an unfamiliar voice, and then...

** Hey! **

_ Victor?! _

He immediately jolts upright, closing his eyes and focusing. He lets out a breath of relief when he feels Victor's familiar warm energy there...latching onto it.

_ He's okay. _

When Benji opens his eyes, he's met with the faded image of what looks like a...city? As he blinks the image into clarity, he sees an unfamiliar guy pushing through the crowded streets, walking towards Victor with a big grin on his face.

**Hey! How was your trip?** the guy asks.

** It was good. **

**Ah, I'm so excited to finally meet you!** the guy beams, leaning over to press a kiss to Victor's cheek.

_ What. the. hell? _

Benji can feel the ghost of warm lips on his cheek and cringes, a twinge of jealousy settling in his chest.

_ Where was Victor, who was this guy and why did he just kiss Victor in greeting? _

**Woah!** Victor exclaims in surprise, eyes darting around at the crowd of people passing by.

Benji can feel an anxious feeling that isn't his own settle in his stomach, and it makes him breathe out a sigh of relief.

_ Okay, so Victor is not dating this mysterious guy. That's good. _

_ Wait...why does Benji think that's good?  _

He shakes his thoughts away, tuning back in to the conversation.

**It's all good, it's New York. Nobody gives a shit. Trust me.** the guy says, slinging an arm around Victor's shoulders and walking them forward.

_ Victor's in...New York? Why is he in New York? _

Benji has a feeling that there's way more to the picture than what he's seeing right now. Victor obviously is familiar with this mystery guy, atleast enough to be meeting up with him in New York City.

The connection goes fuzzy for awhile, and Benji takes that time to drag himself out of bed and start his morning routine. By the time he falls back into his bed, another fuzzy image is appearing in front of him.

He sees several more unfamiliar faces, and it looks like Victor is inside an apartment. 

_ Victor never talked about having friends in New York. Why does Victor keeping something like this from him bother him so much?  _

He's slightly relieved when he sees that Victor in fact is also unfamiliar with the three new people, who are introduced as Justin, Ivy, and Kim...the stranger, now named as Bram's, roommates.

_ They seem nice enough, which makes Benji relieved to know that Victor is atleast safe. _

He tries not to laugh and give away his presence when Victor is confused by Kim's they/them pronouns. 

_ He's seriously the cutest person ever. _

Benji is called downstairs by his parents, which means he has to temporarily shut down the connection. He's disappointed, because he wants to keep an eye on Victor, but does it anyway.

_ He'd check back in later. _

The next time he's able to check in, Victor appears to be on a street basketball court, participating in a rather competitive game of basketball...if the ghost of a racing heart and sweat droplets was anything to go by. 

_ Victor is actually happy, Benji can feel it radiating off of him in waves, and he can't help but smile. _

He watches the rest of the game unfold in front of him silently, beaming when all of the players congratulate and high-five Victor. He loves watching Victor in his element, and feeling just how happy he is.

And it's actually pretty cool to be experiencing the motions of playing a real game of basketball, since Benji is _painfully_ unathletic. 

He listens as Victor and Bram talk about sports, and Bram explains each player's background to Victor. He explains that it's a gay league, and Benji tries to ignore the twinge of jealousy he feels when he sees Victor eyeing up some of the younger, attractive male players.

After that he and Bram fall into an easy conversation about life, and his apparently painfully-unathletic boyfriend Simon.

Benji decides to tune out of the conversation, not wanting to completely invade in on Victor's privacy. 

After closing the connection, he tries to fall into the normal routine of his boring Saturday off. He messes around on his guitar for a bit, sketches for awhile---and no, he totally isn't sketching Victor---and then just hangs around. And apparently that's enough to make his day pass by in a flash.

Before he realizes it, it's nighttime, and Benji decides to check in on Victor one more time before he goes to sleep.

It isn't long before he regrets doing just that.


	17. Burned At Both Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji finds himself regretting checking in on Victor during his NYC excursion when he watches helplessly as Victor flirts and dances with a stranger at a gay club. With his emotions running high and the familiar itch of needing to drink away his pain lingering, he runs to the one place he can think of to feel something, and to forget everything. What happens when Victor decides to connect with Benji at the wrong time. Will this miscommunication burn the rope at both ends?

** BENJI POV: **

Benji closes his eyes and focuses in on Victor's energy, curious to see what New York City adventure that Victor is taking on next.

Part of him is happy that Victor is happy, that he's enjoying himself. But another part of him deep down is jealous that he isn't experiencing it with him. That he isn't currently the reason for Victor's happiness.

And he can't stop from beating himself up over taking away that happiness in the first place. So to try and make up for the guilt he feels, he is making sure he keeps an eye on Victor.

Once Benji feels his and Victor's energy connect, he opens his eyes...blinking the blurred image into focus.

He furrows his eyebrows as he takes in the high energy scene now surrounding him. Loud booming music, colorful strobe lights dancing around the walls and floors of the unfamiliar space, and right ahead of Victor...a bar?

_ Victor's at a club? Why is he at a club? _

**Oh! It's baby's first gay club!** Bram says.

_ Oh? Oh. Victor's at a gay club.  _

**What do you think?** he asks Victor.

**So...everyone here is...** Victor's voice cuts through, making Benji's heart race.

**Gay**. Bram finishes off his sentence, as Victor's eyes scan over the colorful and energetic crowd on the dance floor.

Benji can feel Victor's emotions dancing around inside of him. _Happiness. Excitement. Belonging_...all wrapping around Benji's heart and warming it.

_ God, he loves when Victor's happy. He loves seeing him happy. He can practically feel the brightness of Victor's beautiful smile from where he is.  _

Victor turns back towards the bar, chatting with his new friends. 

**Just a ginger ale for my friend, he's drunk enough on boys already.** Justin's voice yells out over the music.

Benji feels Victor's heart race at that statement, and he feels his sink slightly.

And then...another new voice cuts in, catching Benji's attention. Victor glances over at a new guy who's walked up to stand beside Bram at the bar, smirking at Victor as he eyes him up-and-down.

_ What the fuck. What the fuck? _

**Sup. I'm Mike.** the guy says.

And Benji feels the heat of Victor's blush on his face, the rapid pace of his heartbeat. Benji frowns.

**Uh, nice.** Victor says, earning collective snorts from the rest of the group.

The guy gives Victor a strange look before disappearing into the crowd, and Benji is suddenly eternally grateful for Victor's inability to pick up on flirting...and nonexistent ability to strike up a flirtatious conversation.

_ Benji would be focusing on how awkwardly adorable the moment was if wasn't suddenly feeling jealous. _

He's pulled from his thoughts as the group starts to poke fun at Victor. Atleast they're doing it for Benji.

** Victor!  **

** He was trying to flirt with you!  **

**He WAS?** Victor asks incrediously, and Benji nearly laughs out loud and gives away his presence. 

** Yes! You're hopeless. **

Victor turns to look at Bram, who gives him a smile and squeezes his shoulder.

** Get used to it, Victor! I have a feeling you're going to break a lot of hearts! **

And damn if that wasn't the truth. Victor was a complete and total catch---insanely attractive, charming, hilarious, goofy, heart of gold---and Benji knew that the longer he denied his feelings and pushed them away, the more likely he was to miss out on the best thing that could ever happen to him.

If things end up working out between Benji and Victor, and Benji ever met Bram in the future...he'd have to send him a fucking fruit basket to thank him for reminding him of what was _right_ in front of him this _entire_ time.

_ Benji silently prayed to whatever higher power that existed that Victor wouldn't meet anyone tonight. _

**Totally**. the group agrees.

**You can forget all about that Benji kid.** Ivy says, and Benji feels his heart sink in his chest.

_ Okay, that stung...a lot.  _

Before Benji can begin to think too far into how this group of strangers knows about him, or whether or not Victor would take their advice to heart and _actually_ forget about him...Victor speaks up.

**Wait...how-how do you know about Benji?** he asks, and Benji feels Victor's emotions do a complete 360.

** Did Simon tell you guys about our messages? he adds. **

Benji furrows his eyebrows, watching in confusion at the scene unfolding in front of him.

_ Who is this Simon person? And what has Victor been messaging him about? Well...what has he been messaging him about in regards to Benji?  _

_ What the hell is going on? _

The group is silent, and Benji feels hurt settle inside of him...Victor is in _pain_.

** So you all just pretended not to know who I was? You all just...lied to me? Wow...cool. **

Benji watches as Victor pushes himself off of the barstool, giving the group a once-over before storming out of the club and into the brisk-cool New York City night air. 

Benji frowns, a sudden overwhelming urge hitting him to reach out to Victor...to comfort him. 

_ And he also wants to smack him upside the head for venturing out into the dark New York City streets alone.  _

Benji is just about to break through the silence, to alert Victor of his presence when a voice cuts through the vision.

** Victor! **

He watches as another unfamiliar figure walks into Victor's sight, and...

_ Holy shit. Is that Simon Spier?! Creekwood's gay legend? That's who Victor's been talking to? That's who he went to visit? _

Benji's mind was reeling. He shakes himself from his fanboy moment and spiraling thoughts to listen back in on the conversation.

So what Benji gathers from this conversation is that Victor has been talking to Simon for awhile now, seemingly for advice---Benji tries not to be hurt by that---and that he thought Simon kept it between them. Instead, he'd rallied in all of his friends to help give Victor advice.

_ It warmed Benji's heart to know that atleast when Victor couldn't come to him, he'd had people standing behind him. _

Also, Benji can't help but be thrilled about Victor messaging Simon about him. It makes his heart race.

_Victor talked about him._

Benji listens as Simon gives Victor an extremely moving speech about the lgbtq being a community, a family...one that all is connected by shared experiences. 

_ And holy shit, Simon Spier really is as amazing as he's heard. He's almost envious of Victor's mentorship with him...his new group of friends. _

Benji never had that when he was coming out, and it definitely made things more difficult. But he'd had Victor, and that was more than enough.

_ Fuck, he really messed things up with Victor. And he needed to fix them. _

Benji watches as Victor and Simon make their way back into the club to rejoin their friends, and he's secretly glad.

New York City really was freezing...he could feel the phantom chill of the crisp air hitting his own skin. 

The group all embraces Victor, before Justin pulls him out onto the dance floor. 

Benji can feel the bass of the music bouncing off of his skin, can feel the heat of the spotlights beating down on him, and he can feel the high energy of the crowd. 

He smiles at Victor's shy dancing...suddenly remembering their private dance session to Call Me Maybe at Brasstown after Victor's first shit.

_ Things were so much more simple back then. And a part of him wishes he could go back. _

_ But he also doesn't regret discovering who Victor was...them being brought together. It was undoubtedly destiny. _

Victor continues to bounce up and down on the dance floor, loosening up as he got more confident and comfortable.

Benji has to tune out for a few seconds to gather his bearings...Victor's movement causing a blur of colors to spin around him...making him dizzy.

And then...Victor's eyes lock on a figure in the distance, and Benji feels his heart sink.

The same guy from earlier, Mike---his brain unhelpfully supplies---who's sending him a smirk from across the dance floor. And Victor shoots him a wink, his heart fluttering under the stranger's intense gaze.

Benji watches helplessly as the stranger approaches Victor, getting very much up into his space. And Victor doesn't back away...he steps into his space.

_ Oh God, no. _

**Sorry...I don't think I caught your name earlier. I'm almost certain it isn't 'Nice'** the stranger, sorry...Mike, says with a smirk.

Victor laughs. **Right, Sorry. I'm kind of new to all of this. Victor.**

**Well.** the guy says, looking Victor up-and-down. **It's nice to meet you Victor. Would you want to dance?**

_Please say no. Please._ Benji pleads silently.

He can feel Victor's heart beating rapidly in his chest, a blush settling on his cheeks. Benji knew what he was going to say before he even said it, and he already felt his heart start to crack.

_ I'd like that. _

And Benji's heart shatters into a million pieces.

The stranger steps impossibly closer to Victor, and Benji can see the way his piercing blue eyes look at Victor. He starts dancing up against Victor, his body heat making Benji jerk back.

Victor dances against him, their bodies gliding against eachother. 

Benji felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't watch this anymore. He didn't even hesitate to shut the connection down.

When he opens his eyes, he's back in the suddenly deafening quiet and overwhelming loneliness of his bedroom.

No Victor, no crisp-NYC air or colorful strobe lights or booming music, just Benji, the quiet and the pieces of his broken heart scattered around him...piercing into his skin like a knife.

_ The worst thing that could've possibly happened, the thing that Benji hoped wouldn't happen...happened. _

_ Victor forgot about him...moved on from him. _

Benji knew logically that he had no right to be upset with Victor. He was the one who suggested that they have some time apart. He was the one who pushed Victor away. 

Hell, Benji still had a _boyfriend_ , and yet he was crushed over someone he never had having fun with someone else.

He knew that it wasn't fair, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was heartbroken, jealous, frustrated, and a million other emotions that he couldn't quite place...and definitely wasn't thinking clearly.

If Benji was experiencing this a year-ago, he probably would've resorted to going to his hidden stash of alcohol for comfort.

He felt the familiar itch underneath his skin, but knew he couldn't fall for it. 

_ He needed to take the edge of...to forget about his pain for the night. He needed to forget everything. He needed a distraction. _

So before he could stop himself, he was dragging himself out the door and walking the familiar path to Derek's house.

_ He needed to feel something, and to feel nothing...and knew just the place to get that from...the person to get that from. _

~

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor is still buzzing and high off of the energy of the club as he follows the NYC crew back into their apartment, chattering excitedly about the night.

This was honestly, without a doubt, one of the best nights of Victor's life. He'd never felt so alive, so free...

_ So seen. _

For an entire night Victor managed to forget about the tense dynamic of his family, the stress of school and work, the heartbreak that he'd felt over the situation with Benji.

Victor really never wanted to go home...to go back to reality. But he found himself not dreading it as much as before.

Being in New York allowed for him to clear his head, to get some perspective...some clarity.

It also helped him realize that he wanted to fight for the things he wants. That he needs to fight for them.

_ He needs to fight for Benji. _

After bidding his new friends goodnight and settling in on the makeshift bed set up on the living room couch, Victor closes his eyes and focuses in on Benji's familiar warm energy.

They hadn't connected in so long, and Victor didn't realize how much he missed the warmth of Benji's presence settled inside of him.

Victor is relieved to discover that Benji's connection was open, latching onto it. He slowly opens his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees that Benji is standing outside the door of an unfamiliar house...knocking frantically on the front door. 

He was just about to speak up when the door to the house opened, and Victor felt his heart sink.

_ Derek. Benji was going to see Derek. _

Victor shouldn't feel as hurt as he does. I mean, Benji did tell him that he needed space to figure things out. It shouldn't have surprised him that Benji would want to work things out with Derek. 

_ It didn't surprise him that Benji didn't want him in the same way that Victor wanted him...but it still hurt all the same. _

**Benji? What are you doing-** Derek starts to ask, cut off as Benji storms up to him and pushes him inside, slamming their lips together.

_ What the fuck. _

Benji slams the door shut behind him, spinning them around and pinning Derek to the door...their lips moving together.

Victor feels the warm, firm press of Benji's lips against his own, and for a second forgets that Benji isn't kissing him. He's kissing Derek.

Benji runs his hands down Derek's chest, resting them on his hips, and _Jesus Christ Victor really wanted Benji to be doing that to him._

Victor feels his head spin slightly, and realizes that Derek had spun them around...pinning Benji up against the door...his hands touching everywhere they could as their lips remained locked.

_ Victor wanted to rip his skin off...Derek's touch unfamiliar and frankly repulsive.  _

They break apart for air, and Victor comes face-to-face with the guy that had stood in his way for over a year. The guy that held the heart of the guy who held his.

** Benji...what is all of this about? I thought you were mad at me. **

Benji is still breathing heavily. **I am. I was...but I missed you. I...I need you.** he says desperately.

_ Oh. oh. Fuck.  _ Victor feels the implications behind those words and it makes him want to both sob and be sick at the same time.

Victor feels his heart sink in his chest, a wave of nausea passing over him.

"Oh _fuck_." Victor breathes out before he can stop himself, slapping a hand against his mouth as he holds his breath.

_ Shit. Fuck. He just made his presence known. Benji would know that Victor was invading this moment. He was going to be furious, and even more angry at Victor than he already was. _

Benji would think he's gross, and never want to talk to him again.

**Are you sure about this?** Derek asks.

Benji squeezes his arm to acknowledge that Victor was there, eyes still locked on Derek's. 

_ What the hell was he doing? He knows Victor is here...why isn't he breaking away from Derek to get some privacy. _

He hears Benji let out a breath.

**Yeah, I'm sure.** he breathes out.

Derek pulls Benji flush against him, a mischievous smirk on his face. **Should we go up to my room?**

** Yeah.  **

_ What the hell?  _

Derek bends down to loop his arms around Benji's thighs, hoisting him up into his arms and turning to walk towards the stairs. Benji wraps his legs firmly around his waist.

They barely get up the stairs before Derek is slamming Benji up against a wall and pressing their lips together again, Victor hissing at the phantom pain in his back at the impact.

_ What the hell? Why wasn't Benji closing the connection. He knew Victor was there...he acknowledged it. So why was he leaving it open? _

_ Was he...was he doing it on purpose? _

_ Was he doing this to hurt Victor? _

Derek keeps walking them forward until they're in the bedroom that Victor is all too familiar with, laying Benji down on the bed and crawling over him.

Victor feels tears burning at the corner of his eyes, his lip wobbling dangerously between his teeth. He lets out a choked out sob, not caring that Benji would inevitably hear it.

He feels Benji freeze, feels a feeling resembling _guilt_ building inside of him, and then its gone as quickly as it appeared...Benji rolling them over so he's straddling Derek's hips.

Victor doesn't even hesitate as he slams his mental wall down, cutting off the connection. He lets out another quiet sob, turning on his side and letting the tears fall.

_ How could Benji do something like this to him? Why would Benji willingly hurt him, knowing how Victor felt about him? _

Victor cries himself to sleep, the painful image of Derek and Benji ingrained in his mind, causing an irreparable ache in his chest.

~


	18. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji starts to regret the decisions that he'd made in a moment of weakness, jealousy and hurt. He realizes that he's made a mistake he can't take back, one that might've been the final nail in the coffin that was his and Victor's connection. Meanwhile Victor returns home from New York, reaching out to a few important people to talk...hoping that he can start to fix what has fallen apart.

** BENJI POV: **

Benji lays beside Derek, his head resting on his bare chest...his arm slung over his waist. He stares at the wall, an overwhelming wave of regret crashing over him.

_ He fucked up...big time. _

Benji was so crushed seeing Victor with someone else, and with all of the other bullshit going on in his life--- _the constant dark cloud of his parent's disappointment looming over him, his recovery, his relationship problems with Derek, and the tension between him and Victor_ \---he just needed to feel something.

_ He knows that it was stupid, and that it was wrong...and he regret it as soon as he took the leap. _

_ And he ended up right back where he started, feeling nothing...feeling numb, alone, broken... _

_ And worst of all, he felt like a total shit person.  _

Despite the fact that he and Derek were having problems, he completely just used him as a distraction. Hell, he'd kept going even _after_ being made aware of Victor's presence...he almost imagined it was Victor.

_Victor._ Benji feels his eyes burn with unshed tears.

God, he purposely kept things going with Derek _knowing_ that Victor was there. He'd done it on purpose to hurt him...and for what?

Victor danced innocently with a stranger at a gay club. A stranger he probably would never interact with again. They didn't kiss, hook up... _nothing_.

_ Victor cares about Benji, and Benji just threw it right back in his face. _

_ He felt like a complete piece of shit. And he didn't know if he'd he able to fix what he'd broken. _

Benji shifts uncomfortably beside Derek, feeling like he was suffocating in his space. He needed to leave...to erase the memory of what happened.

He carefully removes himself from Derek, sliding out of the bed and into his clothes...quietly slipping out of the door and out of the house.

Benji walks down the street back towards his house, so numb that he barely felt the frigid cold air hitting his skin. He folds his arms around himself.

He closes his eyes as he walks, desperately seeking out Victor's energy. He needs to talk to him, to fix this situation.

Benji frowns when he finds that Victor undoubtedly put down his walls, blocking Benji out.

He could reach out to him using his phone, but Victor's walls being down was a sign that he wanted to be left alone. And Benji would not try to push that. 

_ He deserved to be shut out. Especially after what he did. _

Benji finally gets home, carrying himself up to his room and dropping down onto his bed. He finally lets the repressed emotions of the night out, letting out a sob. 

He wasn't sure whether or not Victor would lift his walls again soon, or ever again. And Benji wasn't sure how he'd face him at work Monday without the immense feeling of guilt and shame lingering over him.

_ He wasn't sure he'd he able to face him. _

Benji ends up crying himself to sleep, the image of Victor's devastated face plaguing his mind.

~

** VICTOR POV: **

In the blink of an eye, Victor is bidding farewell to his friends in New York and climbing onto a bus back to Atlanta...back to reality.

Being in New York City with Simon and the NYC crew was honestly the best weekend of his life, probably ever...if he was honest.

_ And now, he'd have to go back home and, as they say...face the music. _

As Victor lays with his head against the cold bus window, gaze fixated on the city becoming a blur of colors in the distance, he realizes just how much of a front he was putting up in New York...just how much he'd locked away so that he wouldn't have to face reality.

And the further he gets away from the city, and closer he gets to Atlanta, it all comes crashing back over him.

_ Benji...he'd have to see Benji. How would he even face him after everything that happened? _

How would he look at him without being haunted by the pressure of lips, and wandering hands, and _Derek_.

With the way they left things following their return from Willacoochie, Victor was under the impression that Benji wasn't angry at him...that he just needed some distance to figure things out.

And then he'd watched as Benji proceeded to hook up with his boyfriend that he'd been at ends with for the last few weeks. As Benji hooked up with him knowing that Victor was there, feeling Victor's pain and sadness through the wearing-thin rope of their connection.

_ Well, it looks like Benji figured things out. _ he thinks bitterly.

_ And, well, Victor is even more lost than he was before he decided to make the trip to NYC. It was like he was back at square one all over again. _

Victor closes his eyes, pushing away all of his thoughts into the deepest part of his mind. He'd deal with them when the time comes. For now, he just wanted to savor all of the good memories he left New York with.

The bus ride passes by in a blur, and it's not long before the 22-hours are over and Victor is back in Atlanta.

It's nighttime when he returns, and he walks the short distance from the bus stop to his house, dropping right into his bed and passing out.

When he wakes up the next morning, he immediately grabs his phone...bringing up the photos that he'd taken in New York.

He smiles fondly as he scrolls through the photos, each one slightly dulling the overwhelming ache in his chest.

He already misses his friends like crazy, misses the memories that he'd made with them in the short time he'd been in New York. 

Victor wishes he could go back, but knows that he has to sort through his shit back in Atlanta, comforted by the fact that Simon already gave him an invitation back in the future.

_ A future where maybe he'd have his shit figured out. _

Victor closes out his photos app, bringing up his text messages and composing a text to Mia.

_ Hey Mia, I got home from New York last night. Was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk this morning to catch up? There's a lot I want to tell you and...I also really need to talk to someone.  _

A few minutes later Mia shoots him a text, telling him that she'd meet him outside of his apartment in half-an-hour.

Victor is relieved that Mia is able to meet up. He would've talked to Felix, but he hadn't come out to him yet, and he really needed to talk about everything that happened in New York...everything that happened with Benji.

He wasn't sure how he'd talk to Mia about it without spilling all of the details about their life-long connection, but he'd figure it out.

After getting dressed, Victor goes out into the dining room to greet his family, vaguely telling them he had a nice trip and promised to share the details later.

_ He wasn't planning on sharing any of the details later. _

Victor makes his way out of his apartment, walking down the steps and outside, propping himself up onto the half wall while he waits for Mia.

Shortly after he got outside he heard footsteps approaching him and looked up to see Mia. He forced a smile and waved to her.

"Hey." he greets her as she stops to stand in front of him.

Mia smiles, "Hey, _you_...I missed you!"

She leans down to hug him, and Victor hugs her back tightly.

"I missed you too." He says as they pull away from the embrace.

And it was true...he did miss Mia. She had become such a constant in his life over the last few weeks, and he was so grateful that they'd managed to build a strong friendship out of what started as an awkward-misunderstanding. He wasn't sure what he'd do without her.

"Well, let's get to walking. I want to hear _all_ about your trip." She says.

Victor laughs, hopping down from the half wall and falling into step beside her as they walk down the pavement.

"Y'know, I still don't know how you managed to get away with that trip. You had several different people thinking several different things...it was a tangled web, could've ended in _disaster_." 

Victor laughs, "Honestly, I'm not sure how I did either. It ended up working out in the end, though."

Mia laughs, "Well you'll have a _lot_ of explaining to do. Felix was crushed when he thought you'd went on a guys trip without him."

"Shit...I didn't think that one through. I'll have to talk to him after, do some damage control." 

Mia nods, "Yeah. Y'know, maybe you should just _tell_ him."

Victor glances over at her, raising an eyebrow, "Tell him what?"

"Y'know, that you're..." her voice fades off, her gesturing with her hand.

Oh. _Oh_. That.

"Oh, I mean...I've thought about it. I know that Felix would undoubtedly be accepting but...I've been taking baby steps in that department." He explains.

Mia nods, "Yeah, I understand. But it may feel better to have more people in your corner, y'know?"

Victor thinks back to Simon's speech on the last night of his trip...where he talked about having a community, and people in your corner supporting you and cheering you on.

_ It did feel good to know that, although strangers at first, he did have people in his corner. And it would probably feel even better having all of his friends in his corner, too. _

"Yeah. You're right. I'm going to talk to him." 

Mia smiles, "Good. So...tell me all of the details about your spontaneous bus trip to NYC."

And Victor does exactly that. As they continue to walk side-by-side with no destination in mind, Victor tells Mia everything about the trip. He tells her about the mixup in the beginning and miscommunication with Simon, meeting Bram and then their roommates Justin, Ivy and Kim, the basketball match with Bram's gay league, the club excursion, and so many other fun adventures that they'd taken.

He finds himself smiling throughout the whole time he reminisces about his trip, all of the memories flooding back into his mind. 

And then he remembers what happened on his last night in New York, and his mood immediately sours. Mia notices the change to his demeanor instantly.

She pauses, turning to give him a concerned look, "Hey...is everything okay?"

Victor clears his throat, "Uh, yeah." he lies.

She raises an eyebrow, "Yeah, Victor you're a shit liar. Something is bothering you...so talk to me."

Victor frowns, "I, uh...I can't."

"Why not? You talk to me about _everything_." She says, crossing her arms over her chest.

Victor sighs, "I know. And I want to, but...you're going to think I'm crazy."

She snorts, "Victor, please. We already know you're crazy, you went behind your parents backs to go to New York City for the weekend."

Victor laughs quietly at that.

Mia's tone turns serious, "But in all seriousness, Victor...you know you can talk to me about _anything_ , even if you think it sounds crazy. I wouldn't judge you."

Victor considers her words for a few seconds, nodding, "Okay, but can we find somewhere to sit down...it's a lot."

Mia nods, and they walk in comfortable silence until they find an unoccupied bench inside the local park, which is nearly empty, much to Victor's relief.

He isn't sure that strangers hearing about his and Benji's telepathic connection would go over well.

Victor sits down on the bench, and Mia sits down beside him, folding her legs under her and turning to look at him expectantly.

"So...what's bothering you?" She asks.

Victor is quiet for a few moments, wringing his hands together in his lap nervously, "It's, uh...it's about Benji." he admits.

Mia furrows her eyebrows, "Benji? Is this about what happened between you guys during your trip?"

Victor shakes his head, "No. Well...kind of? It's all kind of connected."

"Okay...why don't you bring me up to speed." She offers, and Victor nods.

"Just...try to have an open mind, okay? This is going to sound pretty out of pocket and insane." He asks, avoiding her eyes.

Mia nods, "Why don't you let _me_ be the judge of that? Just...speak your mind."

And that's all it takes for the floodgates of Victor's emotions to open. He starts from the beginning, explaining the experiences he had as a kid with distant hazy images of color, and unfamiliar faces, and distant voices. He talks about his basketball accident, and how it had led to him meeting Benji. He talks about the years following, and him and Benji crossing paths again. He fills her in on all of the details, good-and-bad, about the experiences that he and Benji had shared together...felt together and seen together---Victor's family drama, Benji's accident, all the way up to his move---and then he talks about his journey to them discovering who the other was. 

By the time he's done talking, he can feel the tell-tale sign of a migraine coming on...settling deep into his temples and the space between his eyes.

Victor finally gained the courage to look over at Mia, holding his breath when he saw her eyes wide...her face appearing to be in deep thought as she processed all of the information Victor had dropped onto her.

He swore he could see the wheels turning in her brain. He understood...since it was a lot to unpack, even for him.

After what felt like ages, Mia finally spoke up.

"Wow, that's, uh... _wow_." She breathes out, eyes still wide.

Victor chews on his lower lip, "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

Mia shakes her head, finally meeting his eyes, "No, I don't. I mean...it does _sound_ pretty crazy, but I don't think _you're_ crazy. Not at all."

"So...you believe me, then?" Victor asks hesitantly.

Mia nods, "I mean, it took me a minute to process all of that but...now that I'm thinking about it...it makes a _lot_ of sense. The dynamic between you two...how close and inseparable you are."

Victor frowns slightly at her words, "Yeah...I'm not so sure we're as inseparable anymore."

Mia furrows her eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

"Something happened with Benji, on the last night of my trip." He explains.

"Wait...Benji was _there_?" She asks, voice laced with confusion.

Victor shoots her a look, and her eyes widen in realization, "Oh, _right_...telepathic connection, seeing through eachother's eyes _thing_...got it..." she says, "So, what happened?"

Victor sighs, "Uh...after I got back from being out with my friends, I decided to try and reach out to Benji, clear the air...y'know? But when we connected he uh..." his voice breaks.

Mia frowns, "Victor...what is it?"

He clears his throat, fighting back the sob that wants to come out, "He, uh...was with Derek. And uh...they were starting to, uh..." he stumbles over his words, all of the faded images appearing back in his mind.

Mia's frown deepens, " _Oh_..."

Victor sniffles, fighting back the tears burning in his eyes, "And, uh...I accidentally gave away that I was there. And I thought that he'd maybe stop so we could talk, but he..." he pauses, letting out a broken sound.

Mia settles a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down.

"He didn't stop, Mia. He _knew_ I was there... _knew_ that I was seeing and feeling it, and that it was hurting me...and he kept going." Victor finishes off, letting out a sob.

Mia wraps her arms around Victor, pulling him close. Victor drops his head onto her shoulder, continuing to cry into his hands.

"Shhh, hey...it's okay. Let it out." She whispers, holding him tighter.

Victor shakes his head, "No, it's not okay. After what happened during our trip I thought he felt the same, I had hope that..."

Mia bites her lower lip, a tear falling down her cheek, "I'm sorry, Victor."

They fall into silence after that, the only sounds around them being the slight whistle of the wind, and Victor's muffled sobs. After a few minutes Victor's sobs subside into quiet hiccups, and Mia pulls away from their embrace to look at him.

She swipes the tears from under his eyes, a sad smile on her face.

"Do you think that maybe...you misunderstood the situation?" She asks quietly.

Victor shakes his head, "No. The situation was pretty clear. Benji wanted to hook up with Derek, and wanted me to see it."

Mia looks conflicted, eyes darting around, "That just...doesn't sound like something Benji would do. Why would he want to hurt you like that?"

Victor shrugs, "Maybe because he has a boyfriend and I kissed him?" he says self-depricatingly.

"It still doesn't make sense. He told me that he wasn't mad at you." She says more to herself, and Victor freezes.

"What? You...you talked to Benji?" He asks quietly.

Mia is silent for a moment, "Yeah. The day that you left for your trip he uh...found me in the school hallway. He asked if I'd seen or heard from you. Victor...I told you he would care. He was _worried_."

Victor looks down at his lap, fidgeting with his hands.

"I don't understand why he would say he wasn't mad and then do _that_...unless..." her voice trails off, and Victor turns his eyes towards her.

He raises an eyebrow, "Unless, _what_?"

"Maybe he...maybe he kept your connection open because he knew you'd see and feel it. Because...he wanted it to be _you_." She explains carefully.

Victor snorts, "What? Why would he want to pretend that his boyfriend is me?"

Mia gives him an unimpressed look, "Maybe because he's also hurting. Have you forgotten all of the shit he's been going through with Derek? Why would he suddenly want to sleep with him?"

Victor shrugs, and she continues, "Victor...I think you need to talk to Benji before you jump to conclusions."

"I don't know if I _can_ , Mia. It really fucking destroyed me to see that. I love- I mean...I really like him, okay?" Victor rambles out, and Mia grabs his shoulder.

"I know, Victor. But...you've been connected for life. You can't let this be what breaks your bond forever, it's _too_ special. I know you're hurting but, he's hurting too without you. So talk to him." She encourages him.

Victor sighs, nodding his head, "Okay. You're right. I'll talk to him." 

Mia gives him a small smile, squeezing his shoulder before standing up and offering her hand, "Let's go get some icecream."

Victor raises an eyebrow, "At...eight in the morning?"

"Yup. It will help heal your broken heart, and give you the energy to reach out to Benji." She says.

Victor laughs, "Okay, I _guess_ I can go for icecream for breakfast." he grabs her hand, letting her pull him to his feet.

They fall into step side-by-side, walking towards the nearest café to get icecream. They chat over ice-cream sundaes loaded with toppings that is sure to give them one hell of a sugar hangover, and Victor arrives home feeling a bit lighter.

Still riding on his wave of confidence---boosted by his ice cream breakfast---he decides to talk to two more important people today.

He'd start by reaching out to Felix, and if all went well...he'd talk to Benji.

~


	19. The Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor has another conversation with another important person in his life. With his confidence still strong, he decides to confront Benji and talk things out. Victor is unable to find Benji the entire day, and takes it as a sign that maybe he needs to give up. But what happens when Benji shows up at Brasstown? Will their confrontation be the end of their connection for good?

** VICTOR POV: **

After bidding Mia farewell with a hug and a promise to update her on the rest of his interactions during the day...he makes his way back up to his apartment, plopping down onto his bed and reaching over to grab his walkie-talkie.

He clears his throat, pressing the signal button and bringing the walkie-talkie up to his mouth.

"Hey Felix...are you awake? Over." Victor says quietly.

The line buzzes, and a yawn followed by Felix's voice rings out, " _I am now. Victor, buddy! You're back!_ "

Victor laughs, "Yeah, I am. Do you have some time to talk?"

" _I always have time for you, pal! Meet you outside in five. Over._ " Felix says, the line going to static.

Victor laughs at his bestfriends enthusiasm, rolling his eyes fondly. He tosses the walkie-talkie aside, making his way outside and propping himself up on the same half wall he'd started his day on.

A few minutes later he hears the front door to the apartment complex open, followed by footsteps, and looks up to see Felix approaching in his pajamas.

"Hey, man." Felix says in greeting, sitting down beside him.

Victor smiles, "Hey. Thanks for coming outside to talk."

Felix knocks into his shoulder, "You don't have to thank me, I'm always available for my _bestie_. And I missed you...I feel like we haven't talked in forever."

A wave of guilt hits Victor, and he frowns, "Yeah...I'm sorry about that Felix. I know that I've been distant lately. And I'm sure you've seen me getting closer with Mia, but I wasn't trying to pull away from you. I'm sorry."

Felix smiles, "That's okay. I'm not mad or anything, although I missed one-on-one bestie time."

"Me too." Victor says with a smile.

_ God, he really missed talking to Felix. His quirky, awkward, hilarious bestfriend always brightened his day. Why did he ever think he couldn't confide in him with something as big as this? _

"So...what did you want to talk about?" Felix asks.

Victor sighs, "Well first, I wanted to start by telling you that there wasn't a guys trip. I sort of lied about where I've been."

Felix raises his eyebrows, "I _knew_ it! I _knew_ you wouldn't go on a guys trip without me!" he yells out, a relieved grin on his face.

Victor snorts, "Yeah, I wouldn't."

Felix's face turns serious, "So if you weren't on a guys trip...where'd you disappear to?"

"New York City." He answers bluntly.

Felix's eyes widen, "New York City? You traveled across the _freaking_ country?!"

Victor nods, "Yeah, a long story that I'll give more details on later. But uh...there's something I wanted to tell you."

Felix nods, looking at him expectantly, "Okay, what is it?"

He sighs, "Look, I don't know how I'm going to say this, but I know that if I don't say it now I'm going to lose my nerve so...here it goes."

Victor chews on his lower lip, glancing up at Felix, "Could you maybe, uh...turn around?"

Felix makes an exasperated face, "I mean, sure but...why?" he asks as he turns his back to Victor.

"I'm sorry it's just...too much pressure with you staring at me. Especially since you barely ever blink." Victor says, and Felix scoffs.

"What are you talking about. I blink a _normal_ amount." Felix says defensively, and Victor knows that he's undoubtedly blinking a ridiculous amount to try and prove his point.

He laughs slightly at the image.

"Felix...I, uh...I like guys. Like I'm into them..." Victor confesses, "I'm...I'm gay."

Felix is silent, and Victor's leg bounces nervously as he waits for Felix's reaction.

"Can I turn around now?" Felix asks after a minute, and Victor whispers a barely audible yes.

He watches as Felix turns back to face him, eyes darting around in contemplation before landing back on Victor.

Before he could ask Felix to say something, anything...before he registers what happens, Felix is leaping towards Victor, pulling him into a tight embrace. 

Victor sits frozen in shock at the sudden contact, his mind finally catching up to him and making him melt into the embrace...wrapping his arms around Felix.

When they pull away, Felix keeps a hand on Victor's shoulder, "I, uh...I really don't know the perfect thing to say here, honestly...you know I'm not good at _words_..." he laughs, "but I'm really happy you told me. And...this changes nothing between us, _obviously_."

  
Victor grins, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

"You know, you're actually pretty good with words, Felix. As far as perfect things to say goes...that was pretty _great_." Victor says, voice full of emotion.

Felix's eyes widen, shining with unshed tears.

Victor laughs, "Felix, hey...don't cry."

"I'm not crying, you just made me aware of my blinking and it's irritating my eye." He lies, getting choked up.

Victor shakes his head, squeezing his shoulder.

"So...you really were _never_ in a relationship with Mia, huh?" Felix says.

Victor shakes his head, "No. It was almost frustrating how nobody believed me. I mean, Lake made Mia try to jump my bones...dude."

Felix's eyes widen in horror, "Those text messages. Shit."

"Yeah, it was pretty terrifying. But, me and Mia became really close after that surprisingly." Victor says, smiling softly. 

Felix hums, "Huh, who would've thought eggplant emojis could create such a powerful friendship." 

Victor laughs, "So...are there any _special_ guys in the picture then?" he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Victor's face falls slightly, and he sighs, "Well there is, well _was_...but I kind of ruined that."

Felix furrows his eyebrows, "How?"

"I kind of...kissed Benji." Victor confesses, and Felix cringes.

"Oh...wow, that's rough." He says, and Victor nods.

Victor is eternally grateful when Felix changes the topic...asking about his trip to NYC. Victor immediately jumps into the conversation, filling Felix in on all of the details---his texting mentorship with Simon Spier, and all of the events that led up to his trip to NYC---and then he tells him all about the adventures he had in New York with his new group of friends.

He doesn't tell him about his and Benji's connection, already exhausted enough from explaining that once today, but he makes a mental note to tell him eventually.

After finishing his conversation with Felix and bidding him farewell, Victor makes his way back to his apartment to get ready for school. 

Feeling lighter after his conversations with both Mia and Felix, he feels confident enough to go into his next big conversation...with Benji.

He wanted to try and catch him during a free point at school, but all day he was unable to find Benji in all of their usual meetup spots. He knew that Benji was most likely avoiding him, and he was both relieved and hurt by the idea.

By the end of the day Victor resigns to the fact that he won't be able to find Benji at school, and with their connection still closed down on both ends...he isn't sure when he'll get the chance to talk to him.

As Victor starts on his usual trek to Brasstown for his afternoon shift, he's suddenly grateful that Benji isn't working today. He wasn't sure that he was ready to talk to him, or that he could handle facing him.

_ He also wasn't sure he could handle seeing the anger and hatred in Benji's gaze. _

_ So maybe this was the universe's way of telling him to stop trying.  _

_ Maybe it was best if he did. _

Victor shakes himself from his thoughts when Brasstown comes into view. He takes a deep breath before walking in, pushing all of his thoughts aside in order to get into work mode.

Victor greets the baristas working before slipping into the back room to change into his work attire. As soon as he crosses the threshold, he stops in his tracks...eyes going wide and heart stopping.

"Benji?"

~

** ALTERNATING POV: **

Victor stands frozen by the entryway to the backroom, eyes locked on Benji. He was not expecting him to be here today, and was definitely not prepared to see him after what happened in New York.

_ The universe was really out to get him. _

When he finally finds his voice and speaks up, it takes a few moments before Benji glances over at him. Benji immediately averts his gaze back to what he was previously focusing on.

"Oh, hi...Victor." He says quietly.

Victor shifts his weight uncomfortably, unsure of what to say, "I didn't know you were working today." he settles on.

"I'm not." Benji says shortly, continuing to pack things into a box.

Victor frowns, "Oh, then why are you-"

"I'm just here to collect my stuff." Benji cuts him off, still not looking up at him.

_ What the hell?  _

Victor furrows his eyebrows, "Wait, _what_? What do you mean?"

Benji sighs, finishing packing the rest of his stuff away and taking the box into his hands, turning to meet Victor's gaze, "As of today...I'm officially transferring to another Brasstown location. I put in the request a few days ago."

_ Victor feels his heart shatter into a million pieces. _

_ Benji's leaving Brasstown...he's leaving to get away from Victor. He's going to lose Benji for good, and it's all his fault.  _

Victor starts shaking slightly, "You're...you're leaving? But...why?" he asks, voice wavering.

Benji rolls his eyes, "Are you sure you even _care_ , Victor?"

_ And that takes Victor by surprise. Of course he cares. He's never for a second done anything to make Benji doubt him or the way he cares about him. _

Victor frowns, "Of course I care, Benji. It hurts that you even asked me that. Why are you leaving...you-" he pauses, "you said you would never leave."

Benji laughs bitterly, "Yeah, and _you_ told _me_ that you couldn't lose me...that I was the _best_ part of you, and then you moved on with some other guy in New York. So I guess we both said things we dont mean."

Victor's face falls at Benji's words, "What are you talking about? Wait...how do you know about New York? Were you-were you _spying_ on me?" 

Benji clenches his jaw, "I was _checking_ in on you to see if you were okay! And you looked more than okay dancing with that guy." he says bitterly, averting his gaze.

"Oh...you're going to go _there_?" Victor asks, hurt turning to anger.

Benji flinches back slightly at his sudden change of tone. He stays silent, eyes still on the ground.

Victor steps forward, "So, what...its not okay for me to dance with a random guy at a club, but its okay for _you_ to hook up with your boyfriend _knowing_ I'm right there... _knowing_ that it would hurt me? You're a hypocrite, Benji." he snaps.

Benji frowns for a second, before all emotion leaves his face, "Yeah? Well I'd rather be a hypocrite than a _liar_." he jabs.

Victor frowns, "Excuse me?"

Benji turns away, setting the box back down on the table and hanging his head, "You don't tell someone you like them and then go flirt with someone else, Victor. That's not how it works."

Victor raises his eyebrows, "Oh, and you having sex with your boyfriend as a sick joke on my behalf is _so much_ better?" he jabs.

He knows that he hit a nerve when Benji flinches, "Don't." he whispers painfully, guilt and shame crossing his face.

"No, I think I _will_. I'm not going to let you stand here and try to make me feel guilty when you did something way worse." Victor says.

Benji stays silent, and Victor finds himself unable to stop the words from pouring out.

"And why does it even bother you so much that I danced with someone? Why are you so mad about it? You have a _boyfriend_! I don't understand why-"

Benji spins around to face him, "Because I love you, Victor! I'm in love with you! Jesus christ, I-" he pauses, running a hand through his hair, "I always have been. And I was able to push it away for the longest time and hide behind my relationship with Derek, but then you _kissed_ me...and you-you ruined _everything_." 

Victor's eyes widen, his heart racing rapidly in his chest.

_ Benji loves him? _

"I'm in love with you, and I probably always will be. But you put me in a tough spot here. And you made me think-" he pauses, getting choked up. He closes his eyes, "you made me think that I _actually_ stood a chance with you. You made me willing to throw my year-long relationship with derek away for you, and then forgot about me."

Victor closes his eyes, clenching his jaw.

He was sure by this point that they were attracting the attention of the patrons in the café, but couldn't bring himself to care. 

Victor sighs, "Benji...I could never forget about you. But it's kind of hard to believe that you love me when just the other night you were jumping derek's bones."

Benji bites his lower lip, "Victor, I...I'm sorry."

Victor lowers his head, crossing his arms over his chest, "Yeah, you should be. You hurt me, Benji. I didn't _deserve_ that."

Benji nods, "I know. And that's why I have to leave..." he says, turning to grab the box again, "the idea of working with you everyday...it just _hurts_ too much. Makes me feel too guilty. And I cant do it. I can't do _this_...right now."

"I need time away to think about everything." he adds, going to walk past Victor.

Victor glances over his shoulder at him, "I'm pretty sure you've already made your decision."

Benji freezes in the doorway, turning to look back with a sad look, "Victor..."

Victor shakes his head, walking towards his locker, "Don't. Just...just go, Benji."

Benji sniffles, wiping at his eyes, "I'm sorry, Victor."

Victor nods, "Yeah, me too."

Benji takes one more glance back, biting his lower lip to fight off his tears as he walks out of the backroom.

Victor leans against his locker and bows his head, letting out a sob.

_I love you too, Benji. Please don't leave._ he doesn't say.

~


	20. Heartbreak and Sushi 'Dates'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor tries to process and work through the fight with Benji, worried that this was something they could never come back from. Despite his frustration, and hurt and anger...he still loves him, and wants to fight for him. After some wise advice from two of the most important people in his life, Victor thinks of the perfect way to try and get Benji back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This is meant more as a transitional chapter...its not really that good. But anyway I hope you all are enjoying this fic! It's almost at the end! :)

** Victor POV: **

Victor stands frozen at his locker for several minutes following Benji's departure, feeling a million emotions and none all at once.

_ He feels guilty, lost, broken...but most of all, he just feels numb. _

Not having Benji by his side is going to be difficult, there's no doubt about that. He's gotten so used to having him around physically, especially at work. But he'd get through it. He'd went almost 14 years of his life with Benji being nothing more than a warm phantom presence inside of him, a voice inside his head. 

_ Losing that...that was the part that Victor wasn't sure he'd be able to recover from.  _

Just going a few days, or even hours without feeling the familiar warmth of Benji's energy left Victor feeling lost... _empty_. Like he was walking around missing a phantom limb. So the thought of losing him forever...well that thought was almost unbearable.

Victor finally manages to pull himself together, tugging his apron on and schooling his features...walking out to start his shift.

He gets a few sideways glances from some of the patrons, as well as his coworkers, who'd clearly heard his and Benji's fight.

He doesn't pay them any mind, immediately jumping into work mode.

The beginning of Victor's shift passes by relatively quickly, and he isn't sure whether or not he's thankful for the slow pace of incoming customers. 

When it's time for his lunch break, Victor immediately pulls out his phone to compose a text to Simon.

Hopefully, Simon would be able to put things into perspective for him...offer him some solid advice on how to fix this seemingly hopeless situation.

While he waits for Simon's response, he shoots a text to Mia.

_ Hey, Mia. So...I talked to Benji. Well...we got into an argument and...It was really bad. I don't know what to do...I'm a mess, Mia. _

Seconds later his phone buzzes with a reply.

Mia: _Oh, Victor. I'm so sorry. You, me...tonight, homemade sushi and icecream at my house. How's that sound?_

Victor smiles, composing a text back.

_ Sounds good to me. I could really use a distraction. Just text me the details, and I'll head over after my shift. _

Mia: _Will do. Keep your head up, Victor. It's going to be okay._

_Yeah, I highly doubt that._ Victor thinks to himself.

A few minutes later Victor's phone buzzes with a notification from Simon, and Victor immediately opens the message up.

_ Hey Vic, _

_It sounds like things have been pretty rough over there for you. I'm so sorry to hear about how tough things have been with Benji. I can see how much you care about him, and can tell just how much its hurting you to be at odds with him. Listen...I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. Fixing things with Benji is not going to be easy...I'm sure you've learned as much already. Yes you kissed him, and you made a mistake...but you're human, Victor. Everyone makes mistakes, and that doesn't make you a bad person. Even Benji has made mistakes, as you've told me...and you're hurting too. You know...when I messed up_ _things with my friends, with Bram even...they wouldn't talk to me at all. And it was really hard for me to deal with, so...I wrote them a big apology post on Creeksecrets. I'm not saying that you need to do that...I would honestly recommend not bringing your personal business into the public eye to try and reconcile with Benji. What I'm saying is...you need to try and make Benji understand where you're coming from. Try and make him understand not only why you regret hurting him, but try to make him understand how you feel too. It's important for you both to communicate with_ _eachother...if you want things to be fixed. You both sound like you care about eachother...so don't lose hope yet. Keep your head up, Victor. I'm here if you need me._

_ Love, Simon (+the NYC crew) _

Victor locks his phone and sits it down on the table, sitting back in his chair and processing Simon's words.

_ You need to try and make Benji understand where you're coming from.  _

_ Don't lose hope yet. _

Simon's right. Victor shouldn't give up on Benji so easily...give up on _them_ so easily. They'd been connected their entire lives, gone through everything together, and always came out on the other end stronger than ever. 

_There was no reason why they couldn't get through this either._

Victor reaches into his backpack, pulling out a notepad and a pen. He knows that logically he can easily send Benji a text, or try to connect with him...but he wants Benji to understand just how serious he is about this.

He takes a few moments to collect his thoughts, before bringing his pen down to the paper and writing away.

_ Dear B, first of all...I'm so sorry for kissing you. But please, just hear me about... _

Victor finds himself pouring his entire heart and soul into the letter, not holding anything back. His break passes by in a flash, and he goes back to work feeling lighter than he had in the morning.

The end of his shift approaches much quicker, and before he knows it he's on his way to Mia's house for sushi night.

~

Victor grabs a piece of sushi with his chopsticks, biting into it anxiously as he watches Mia's eyes scan over the letter that he'd written to Benji.

He wanted to get her feedback on it before he slipped it into Benji's locker the next morning. He trusted her more than anyone to be honest with him.

Her face is unreadable as her eyes scan along the page, and Victor finds himself growing more and more on edge.

Finally after what feels like ages, Mia finally lowers the paper down into her lap, blinking a few times before looking over at Victor.

He sighs, "So?"

Mia chews on her lower lip, her eyes suddenly glistening with unshed tears.

"Victor...that was fucking _beautiful_. It's perfect." She breathes out, eyes wide.

"Are you sure it's not too much? I don't want to scare him away or anything..." Victor says, already overthinking the many ways this scenario can play out.

Mia sighs, sliding closer to him on the floor and resting her hand on top of his, "Victor, look at me."

Victor shifts his gaze from where it was hyper-fixated on the assortment of homemade sushi to meet Mia's eyes, which were open and honest.

"Victor, it's _perfect_. You apologized to Benji perfectly, but you also explained your own feelings well, too. You hit every point perfectly...and Benji is going to understand. Don't overthink it too much, okay?" She says.

Victor nods slowly, " _Okay_ , okay yeah...I'm sorry, I'm just really worried that I won't be able to fix this."

"Hey, you will be able to. And it's not just _your_ job to fix it...you both made mistakes. It's a two way street here, so Benji needs to own up to his part, too. And once he stops being so stubborn...I'm sure he will." She explains, squeezing his hand.

Victor smiles, squeezing her hand back, "Thank you, Mia. For being here for me."

"You don't have to thank me, Victor. I'll always be here." she says with a smile.

She clears her throat, picking up her chopsticks and leaning up on her knees to scan the sushi assortment, "Now, we should probably eat these before they get _cold_." she jokes.

Victor snorts, shaking his head, "That was a terrible pun."

"I know, but it got a smile out of you...so I'll take the win." She smirks, reaching over to grab a piece of sushi and pop it into her mouth.

She slides back down to the floor beside him, "So..." she says as she chews, "The Spring Fling is tomorrow night."

Victor nods, "Oh, yeah...I almost forgot. Are you going with _Andrew_?" he teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

Mia shoves his shoulder, shooting him a glare, "No! I'm not..." she pauses, a mischievous smile appearing on her lips, " _I_...am going with _you_."

Victor's eyes widen, him nearly choking on the piece of sushi in his mouth, "Me?!"

She shrugs, "Yeah, you."

"No, Mia...I'm not going. You...you should be going with Andrew." Victor argues.

Mia shakes her head, "No, me and Andrew arent a thing. And even if we _were_...my bestfriend needs me right now, and he also needs to stop sulking, get out and have a fun night."

Victor chews the inside of his cheek, "Mia...I don't know. What if Benji's there...what if he's there with _Derek_? I can't..."

Mia tucks her legs underneath her, grabbing Victor's hands in between her own, "Who cares if he is? Maybe you guys will be able to talk. And if not...then you'll still have a fun night with your friends, with me. I'll be there with you."

Victor lets out a resigned sigh, knowing there's no way he'd get out of this, "Okay, fine. I'll go. But I'm just warning you that I probably won't be much fun."

Mia rolls her eyes, "Oh, stop. You're plenty of fun, even when you're sulking. But get out of your funk, because I'm going to make sure we have fun."

Victor laughs at her enthusiasm, "Okay, if you want to take on that daunting task...knock yourself out."

Mia nods, picking up another piece of sushi and plopping it into her mouth, "I _will_."

They fall into casual conversation as they finish off the remainder of their sushi. When they're done that...they make the most insane icecream sundaes possible and choose a movie to watch on netflix.

And then, much to both of their surprises, Mia's father arrives home earlier then expected with his girlfriend---well now fiancé and baby mama...yeah, that was an awkward conversation to sit in on---and their peaceful night becomes a disaster of emotions.

Mia's a mess after learning of her father's engagement and new pregnancy, and Victor tries his best to comfort her...not being much help when he's in his own slump.

He asks if she wants to back out of Spring Fling, but she insists that they still go...that they can both wallow in self-pity together. Victor decides that it's even more important he goes now, if not for his sake for Mia's.

_ He wants to make sure that his bestfriend has a great night...wants nothing more than to cheer her up. _

After staying awhile to comfort Mia, Victor leaves to get home...insisting that he has a lot to do to prepare for Spring Fling the next night, which isn't a complete lie.

Victor did need to figure out what he was wearing, needed to figure out the whole pre-dance photo-op session situation, which his mother would inevitably ask about, and then...

_ He needed to prepare himself for seeing Benji at the dance...which would be the hardest part. _

He hoped that the letter to Benji would atleast ease the tension between them so that it's not completely unbearable. And hopefully, if that worked, they'd be able to talk and clear the air.

_ No matter how hurt he was by Benji's actions, he missed him, and wanted him back atleast as a bestfriend...if nothing else. _

All of the details could be figured out after the fact. He'd find a way to move past his feelings for Benji, to be happy for him and supportive of his relationship with Derek. He'd find a way through it all if it meant keeping Benji and his connection.

_ The heartbreak that had been building to this point would be worth it, to have Benji...to see him happy. _

_ But what about your happiness?  _


	21. Prelude to Spring Fling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the day of Spring Fling, and Victor is more terrified than ever of the night that lie ahead of him. He knew that he had to get through the first hardest part of the day...delivering his letter to Benji. Once he gains the courage to do that, Victor tries his hardest to stay positive about Spring Fling...despite all of the lingering doubts in his mind.

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor wakes up the day of the Spring Fling a bundle of nerves and anxiety. He wants to believe that everything will go smoothly at the dance, but then his mind _unhelpfully_ supplies _every_ worst case-scenario for what can unfold between he and Benji...and suddenly he isn't so sure that anything about the dance will be smooth.

_The universe does hate him, after all._

As he goes through the motions of his morning routine, there are several points where he considers making up an excuse to bail on the dance.

But then he thinks about Mia...about all of the times that she was unwaveringly there for him, and knows that he needs to do this for her. He needs to be there for her...to make sure she has a great night at the dance.

_ It's the least he can do to repay her for all that she's done for him. _

Once he's ready for school, he goes out into the dining room to greet his family. He tells them that he's attending the school dance with Mia---they're still convinced they're dating, so at a certain point Victor stopped correcting them---and they are thrilled, insisting that Victor invites everyone over for pre-dance photos.

Knowing that there's no way of getting out of it---his mother has an unhealthy obsession with photo-op sessions---he reluctantly agrees.

Felix isn't able to walk with Victor to school today---Victor isn't sure why. He'd been acting strange since the previous night, but figured he'd inquire later---so Victor walks by himself.

_ Honestly, it's kind of nice walking to school alone. It gives him time to think, to clear his mind.  _

While it is nice, it also leaves him with an intense feeling of _longing_. He used to love talking to Benji through their connection while he walked to school or work. 

Now, it felt like something was missing, and it was. Benji's soothing voice, his contagious laugh, his breathtakingly beautiful smile...the familiar warmth of his phantom presence.

_ Victor just missed him. _

As he gets closer to school, he pulls the letter he'd written to Benji out of his pocket, looking at the letter _'B_ ' he'd written on top of the folded paper and running his hand over it.

He knew the entire letter by heart, _every single word_ , after reading it so many times...and was still running it over in his head. 

He poured his heart and soul into this letter, and just hoped that it would be enough to mend the broken bridge between them.

_ God, he really hoped so. He wasn't sure he could handle much more distance between him and Benji. _

Victor is so lost in his thoughts that he almost doesn't realize he'd arrived at Creekwood. As he pauses just outside the doors, the knot in his stomach twists even worse with nerves.

_ You can do this, Victor. Just drop the letter into Benji's locker, and then let fate take over from there... _

_ The details can be worried about later. _

Victor takes a deep breath, clutching the paper in his hand tightly as he enters the school, walking the familiar path to Benji's locker.

Every step closer he gets to Benji's locker his heart races even faster, each and every step...everything around him starting to feel like it was in slow motion.

He goes to round the corner to Benji's locker, stopping dead in his tracks and stumbling back to hide around the corner when he sees Benji.

_Shit. He nearly risked running right into Benji. There was no way he could have given him this letter face-to-face._

He peeks around the corner, watching with a frown as Benji exchanges his books...that familiar longing feeling settling in his stomach.

He'd spent almost his entire life across the country from Benji connected only by telepathy, and yet he'd never felt _farther_ from him then in this moment...standing only feet away from eachother.

_ Fuck. He needs to fix this.  _

He lets out a breath of relief when Benji closes his locker, slinging his bag over his shoulder and disappearing into the crowded hallway.

_ He watches his retreating figure, resisting the urge to run after him...to wrap his arms around him and pull him close, begging him not to leave. _

When the coast is clear, Victor rounds the corner and quickly approaches his locker, glancing around before sliding the letter inside.

_ It was done. He delivered the letter. There was no turning back from this...it was out of his hands now. The ball was now entirely in Benji's court, and he just had to wait to see what would happen. _

_ He'd never felt more powerless in his life. _

Victor sighs, turning to walk in the direction of his class. He slows his pace when he hears Felix call out to him.

"Victor! Wait up!"

Victor turns to shoot him a smile as he falls into step with him, "Hey, Felix."

Felix smiles, "Good Morning, Bestie..." he sing-songs, "How are you feeling today...any better?"

Victor shrugs, "As well as to be expected, I guess."

Felix gives him a sad smile, "So...I was going to ask how things were with Benji but judging by your reaction...I'd say pretty bad."

"You'd be right. Things with Benji just kinda...aren't going at _all_ right now." Victor says quietly.

"I thought you guys were going to talk about everything..." Felix says.

Victor nods, "We were...we _did_. Well, actually we ended up getting into a huge fight and...it didn't really end well."

Felix frowns, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder, "I'm sorry, man. I know you really like him."

"It's okay. He's with Derek and he's happy. That's all that matters." Victor says.

"And what about _you_ being happy?" Felix asks, glancing over at him.

Victor shrugs, "I'll be okay."

Felix looks unconvinced, and is about to pry further when Victor changes the topic.

"So...are you going to Spring Fling?" Victor asks.

Felix nods, "Yup."

"So you asked Lake to the dance?" He asks with a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows.

Felix cringes, "Yeah. I did..." she pauses, "but she passed. _Hard_. So...I'm flying solo tonight."

Victor frowns, "I'm sorry, man. Hey...it's her loss."

"You're right. As they say...if she liked it then she should've put a boutonnière on it." 

Victor raises an eyebrow, laughing, "I don't think that's what they say."

Felix laughs, "Let me have this, Victor. So...how about you? You going to the dance?"

"Yeah...I'm going with Mia. She's forcing me to go in the hopes that it will lift me out of my funk. Ironically...she's _also_ in a funk...long story..." he stops at the end of the hallway, turning to face Felix, "Do you want to tag along with us so we can be the three self-pitying musketeers?" 

Felix smiles, "I would _love_ to. I really think a team-sulk is exactly what I need to distract me from..." he pauses, eyes widening, " _Lake_."

Victor nods, "That's the spirit, buddy."

Felix shakes his head, gesturing to behind Victor, "No, _Lake_!" he whisper-yells frantically, quickly schooling his features as Mia and Lake approach them.

"Hey guys!" Mia greets them with a smile.

Felix and Lake give eachother uncomfortable looks, shifting their gazes away from eachother.

Victor is just about to break the awkward silence when a girl from their theater class, Wendy, approaches the group and asks Felix to the dance. 

_Well, this just got infinitely more awkward, if that was even possible._ Victor thinks.

Another uncomfortable silence falls upon the group, and Victor breaks it, " _So_...my mom insisted that we have our photo op session at mine tonight. You're all invited, and then we could carpool."

They all mutter their agreements before disbanding, leaving Mia and Victor alone. Victor turns to walk towards his class, Mia falling into step beside him.

"So, that was _awkward_." Victor says.

Mia laughs, "Yeah. It is even more awkward when you realize that Lake doesn't actually have a date to the dance. I just wish she would get over her denial and be with Felix."

Victor frowns, "Yeah, agreed. They're so sickeningly into eachother...It's honestly torture to watch them pretend otherwise."

Mia nods, "Yup. Speaking of but not really...did you deliver your letter to Benji?"

"Yeah, I just did. I guess we'll see what happens." he says, voice shaking.

Mia pauses, grabbing Victor's shoulder, "Hey. It's going to be okay. The letter was perfect, Victor."

Victor bites his lower lip, "I hope so."

"Well I _know_. So stop overthinking, get out of your funk, and get into Spring Fling mode...because we're going to have a blast tonight." She says enthusiastically, clapping her hands together.

Victor just hums in agreement, less-than-thrilled, nor convinced by her enthusiasm.

"Okay, well...I should be getting to class but I'll see you at yours tonight." She says, giving him a quick hug before disappearing down the hallway.

Victor walks the remainder of the distance to his class, hoping that this day would go quickly so he could just get the dance over with.

_ He really hoped he didn't regret agreeing to go. _

~

Victor is relieved to see that whatever higher power exists was listening to him...the day passing by in the blink of an eye.

Thankfully, he managed to avoid crossing paths with Benji the entire day. He found himself on-edge about it the entire school day, since he knew that Benji undoubtedly had found the letter.

_He was so afraid to see him...to see his reaction to the letter._

He just had to have faith in his and Benji's connection, and trust that it was all going to work out. 

After collecting his books from his locker, Victor makes his way out of school and catches up with Felix...starting on their familiar trek home.

Apart from small talk, neither say much during the short walk home, both preoccupied with their own individual worries for the night ahead of them. 

_ In a lot of ways, their situations were similar. They both were pining after someone who appeared to not reciprocate their feelings in the same way. They both were going to the dance with people they wished were someone else, and they both would inevitably spend the entire night sulking by the punch bowl...hurting while they watched the people they loved with someone else. _

_ It seemed that the universe was out to get both of them...which was oddly comforting. _

They separate once they arrive to their apartment building, agreeing to meet up later that night for photo-ops.

Victor makes his way to his apartment, greeting his family before preparing to get ready for the dance. As Victor gets ready later that night, getting dressed in his tuxedo and styling his hair...he finds his mind drifting over to thoughts of Benji.

At first he thinks about the fact that Benji has undoubtedly gotten his letter, and either has read it, is about to read it or ripped it to shreds.

He has to restrain himself several times from trying to tap into their connection, which was most likely blocked off from Benji's end.

Once he resigns to the fact that he no longer has control over the situation, he shifts his focus back to fixing his appearance.

_ He needs to atleast look somewhat presentable to hide the storm that is brewing inside of him. _

Victor stands in front of his mirror, adjusting his tuxedo and running a hand through his hair...doing a once-over. He'd say he looks pretty decent.

And maybe he'd put in a tad more energy than he planned in the hopes that he'd maybe grab Benji's attention.

_ Wishful thinking on his part. _

Victor is interrupted by his mother calling him out into the living room, announcing the arrival of his friends. After one more glance at himself, and a quiet internal pep talk, he grabs his things and makes his way into the living room.

He smiles when he sees Mia, walking over to her, "You look beautiful, Mia."

She smiles, eyeing him up-and-down, "You don't look so bad yourself."

Victor smiles, turning his attention to Felix and his date, walking over to pull Felix into a quick bro hug and greet Wendy.

"Looking good, man." Felix says with a smile.

"Likewise." Victor says with a laugh, sending a friendly smile to Wendy.

A few moments later Lake walks into the apartment followed by... _Kieran_?

Victor barely has time to even begin to unpack what was going on there before his mother and father are walking into the living room...gathering the group to start taking photos.

The photo-op session is, uncomfortable and awkward, to put it lightly. You could cut the tangled web of tension in the room with a knife.

After his mother takes far more photos than necessary in all of the typical cheesy pre-dance poses, they finally all make their way out to head to Creekwood.

Victor's leg bounces nervously the entire car ride there, his stomach in knots and chest constricting with anxiousness.

Mia reaches over to squeeze his hand in a comforting gesture, and he shoots her a forced, but appreciative smile.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity they arrive to Creekwood, whose exterior is decorated to the nines...only eluding to the excess of decorations that lie ahead inside.

_ Victor sent one more silent prayer above that this night would work in his favor. _


	22. You Are The Trouble I'm In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor prepares himself to face a night ahead at the dance...a night where he'd inevitably see Benji and Derek. When Victor sees Benji he realizes that maybe he wasn't as ready to face him as he thought...so he leaves. What happens when Benji follows him and wants to talk? Will this talk fix anything, or will things be left even worse than they were? And what happens when a song triggers a childhood memory for both of the boys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here she is, everyone...the emotional spring fling scene! There's another part to this, and then probably one more chapter!  
> -
> 
> To really feel the emotions of this scene, listen to "Trouble I'm in" by Twinbed while you read the slow dance scene. (this is the song Victor heard Benji singing in Texas)

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor climbs out of the car, nearly falling over from how bad his legs were shaking. His whole body was shaking, and he wasn't sure that he'd he able to walk the short distance to the gymnasium. 

The rest of his friends all pile out of the car, chatting amongst themselves as they walk towards the school, leaving Victor frozen in his spot.

Mia stops beside him, adjusting the wrap around her arms before looping an arm through his.

"Hey...I'm here with you, okay? It's going to be okay." She reassures him, squeezing his arm.

Victor forces a smile, nodding his head, "Thanks. Just don't let me fall, please. My legs feel like jelly right now."

Mia laughs softly, "Don't worry. I won't let you fall. Ready?" she asks.

Victor is silent for a moment as he eyes the school in the distance, "Yeah."

Mia tightens her grip on Victor's arm, walkingforward and pulling him along. Victor is silently grateful for her tight grip on his arm, which is the only thing grounding him in this moment.

The closer they get to the entrance of the school, the worse the nerves in Victor's stomach become. 

Victor must zone out for a minute, because they're suddenly inside the school and walking towards the gymnasium, which is bouncing with energy, and booming with music and chatter.

He looks at the sign that reads " _Spring Fling_ "...it finally dawning on him that he's here, and this is happening.

_ And there's no turning back. It was finally time to face the music. _

Victor walks into the gymnasium, eyes darting around as he takes in the scenery around him. The gymnasium is packed with students, some on the dance floor and others sat at the beautifully-decorated tables. The decorations are breathtaking, the strobe lights illuminating the room and bass of the music bouncing off the walls. 

"Wow..." Is all Victor can bring himself to say.

Mia smiles, pausing just inside the gymnasium and turning to face him, " _So_ , what do you want to do first? Do you want to dance...drink, dance AND drink...because I'm pretty sure that can _also_ be arranged."

Victor laughs at her enthusiasm, raising an eyebrow, "I'm _pretty_ sure drinks on a dance floor full of high-energy teens is a recipe for disaster." 

"It could be a pretty _amusing_ disaster though." Mia adds, causing the both of them to laugh.

She smiles, "There's that _signature_ Victor smile that I love so much. I knew I'd get it out of you."

Victor is about to respond when Lake rushes over to them frantically, "Come take a lap with me? I _need_ to take a break from Kieran. He won't stop talking about how fantasy football works."

Mia's face turns conflicted, and she glances over at Victor with a questioning look.

"Go. I'll be fine." He reassures her, and she barely has time to respond before Lake is grabbing her by the wrist, dragging her away and disappearing into the crowd.

Victor laughs, shifting his weight uncomfortably as he looks around the gymnasium. He searches for any sign of Felix, hoping he could latch onto him for awhile.

And then the crowd in front of him disperses, and Victor feels his heart plummet towards the ground.

There, sitting at a table in the distance, was Benji...and Derek.

Victor was suddenly hit with a wave of emotions that he couldn't even begin to unpack over the racing of his heart.

Benji looked fucking incredible, almost angelic underneath the spotlights, his suit fitting his frame just perfectly and his hair tossed back. He just looked, _perfect_.

Victor couldn't tear his gaze away from Benji, and nearly jumped out of his skin when Benji shifted his gaze towards him...their eyes locking.

Benji's eyes widen, an unreadable expression falling on his face before he averts his gaze, fidgeting his hands in his lap.

_ Victor feels the floor fall from beneath him. _

_ It looked like Benji still couldn't even look at him, which meant that there was no doubt his letter didn't work. _

Victor's face falls defeatedly, and he visibly deflates, shaking his head before turning to walk out of the gymnasium...in desperate need of an escape.

~

** ALTERNATING POV: **

Victor slips into the nearest restroom, walking over to the sink and splashing water over his face, eyes remaining closed as his hands grip the edge of the sink tightly...his knuckles turning white. 

_He couldn't do this._ He thought he'd be able to get through the night but he couldn't. He couldn't stay in there and watch as Benji purposely avoided him. He couldn't watch Benji with Derek...not with the burning image of them permanently ingrained into his mind.

_ Victor just couldn't do it anymore. _

He's so lost in the downward spiral of his thoughts that he almost doesn't hear the door opening behind him...followed by hesitant footsteps.

He takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and looking up into the mirror. He feels his heart stop when he locks eyes with the newly-appearing presence...the one that'd been on his mind the entire week.

"Benji..." Victor breathes out, eyes locked on his through the mirror.

Benji offers him a weak smile, shoving his hands into his pockets, "Hey."

Victor averts his gaze, staying silent.

"Can we talk?" Benji asks quietly.

Victor clenches his jaw, hesitating for a moment before nodding. He turns around, leaning back against the vanity and keeping his eyes focused on the ground.

"What's up?" he asks, trying to keep his voice level.

Benji sighs, "Look, Victor...I just wanted to tell you that I read your letter and...you were right about everything that you said. And I forgive you for the kiss, hell I already forgave you..." he pauses, "but I need you to forgive _me_ , too."

"Benji..." Victor starts, but he's cut off.

"No, Victor... _please_ let me say this." He pleads, and Victor falls silent, gesturing for him to continue.

Benji takes a small step forward, chewing on his lower lip, "Victor, I never should have done what I did that night. I knew you were there, that you were _watching_ and I did it anyway. I did it to _hurt_ you..."

"Why?" Victor asks quietly.

Benji furrows his eyebrows, "What?"

"Why did you do that? Why would you _intentionally_ try to hurt me?" 

Benji frowns, "Because _I_ was hurt, and jealous..."

"But _why_ , Benji? What did I do to you to deserve that?" Victor asks, voice breaking.

"You didn't do anything to deserve it, Victor. I was being stupid. I saw you dancing with that guy at the club and I got hurt and...I don't know..." he explains, looking at the ground.

Victor frowns, "Benji...yes, I danced with him. But it didn't _mean_ anything. I didn't have any intentions of taking it any further..." he explains, taking a step forward, "That entire trip...all I could think about was _you_. The only person I had eyes for, the only person I _have_ eyes for...is you."

Benji's eyes widen, and he stays silent.

"You really hurt me, Benji. God...seeing you and Derek together killed me. It _still_ kills me...I cant get it out of my head." Victor breathes out, closing his eyes tightly and clenching his jaw.

Benji frowns, "Victor, you have no idea how sorry I am. I-"

"Why did you do it?" Victor asks quietly.

"What?"

Victor folds his arms over his chest, "Why did you keep going even after you _knew_ I was there?"

"I-" Benji starts, but Victor cuts him off.

"Benji, _please_...don't lie to me. I need to know the truth. You atleast owe me that." Victor pleads, unsure of whether or not he wants to hear the truth.

Benji's words shock him to the core.

He's silent for a moment, and then, "I wanted it to be you."

Victor's eyes widen, and he looks up at Benji, "What?"

Benji shifts his gaze from the ground up to meet Victor's eyes, "I wanted it to be you, Victor. Fuck...I'm so stupid."

Victor is silent, mind still feeling from Benji's words.

_ Mia was right this entire time?  _

Benji's words cut through his thoughts, "I repressed my feelings for you for so long that when I finally allowed myself to feel them, it pushed me over the edge..." he exhales a shaky breath, "I was _spiraling_ , Victor...and it was either relapsing and drinking my feelings away, or finding another way to _feel_ something. Either one wouldve been stupid, but that doesn't make my choice okay."

He pauses, taking another hesitant step forward, "I'm so sorry for hurting you, Victor."

"I know."

Benji chews his lower lip again, wringing his hands together, "So...do you forgive me?" he asks, voice hopeful.

Victor nods, "Yeah, I do."

Benji manages a small smile, letting out a relieved breath. Victor resists the urge to smile at the sight of Benji's smile...schooling his features into a neutral look.

_ He knows what he needs to say next, but he knows it isn't going to be easy. As much as he wants to collapse into Benji's arms and pretend nothing ever happened, he knows that won't solve the problems between them. _

He sighs, "But Benji...me forgiving you doesn't change anything. I _love_ you, and I probably always will. But I...I dont think I can do this anymore."

Victor's heart shatters when he sees the broken expression cross Benji's face.

"W-what?" He asks shakily.

"Benji...this whole thing between us...whatever _we_ are. I don't think I can do it anymore."

He frowns, "I don't understand. You just said-"

Victor takes a moment to collect his thoughts before cutting him off, "One minute you want to be with Derek, and in the next you're saying you _love_ me. And I want to believe you so bad..." he pauses, "but then I remember you with Derek and...you love _him_. Whether or not you _wanted_ it to be me...you still were with him. And a part of you _wanted_ to be."

Benji falls silent, wanting to argue or defend himself but he finds himself at a loss for words.

"I can't handle being second place to someone who is, and always _has_ been first to me." Victor admits.

Benji shakes his head, trying desperately to find his voice, "Victor...you...you said that we wouldn't push eachother away anymore. You said that I was the _best_ part of you...that you couldn't lose me."

"I did say that, and I _meant_ it. I guess I just...didn't realize that there was a chance it wasn't reciprocated."

_ Benji wants to scream that it it is reciprocated, that Benji loves him so much that his heart aches, that he can't live without him...but the words are trapped in his throat. _

"You're _it_ for me, Benji. And I'm not sure that i'm it for you. I think you need to take time to figure out what you want, and I need time to figure out how I feel. I'm sorry..." Victor finishes off, shoving his hands in his pockets and going to walk past Benji.

Benji is frozen for a second, before he reaches out and grabs onto Victor's arm, spinning him around to face him.

He walks closer to Victor, desperate to close the distance between them that had lingered for the last week...desperate to feel his familiar warmth.

Benji stops just a few inches away from him, "Victor please don't leave...I can't lose you." he pleads in a broken voice.

Victor averts his gaze, his jaw clenched, "Everything is falling apart...my home life, what's left of my relationship, my sobriety is teetering on the edge of relapse. I'm losing myself, I'm losing _everything_...I can't lose you, too." 

He reaches up to cradle Victor's face in between his hands, and Victor closes his eyes as if the gesture pained him.

" _Please_ , Victor..." he says as he leans up so their foreheads are resting together...him pressed flush up against Victor.

Victor's breath hitches, and they're both frozen...their breaths mingling together in between them. 

Benji closes the distance between them, pressing his lips against Victor's. He pulls away, leaning against to press his lips against Victor's more firmly.

Victor's arms are rigid at his sides, his lips unmoving against Benji's...and Benji feels his heart shattering.

_ He needs Victor to kiss him back. He needs to know that he isn't about to lose him forever. _

Victor's lips finally move against Benji's, so featherlight Benji isn't sure if he imagined it, and then he's pulling back to rest their foreheads together again.

"Stay with me, _please_." Benji whispers.

Victor pulls away from Benji, and Benji stays frozen...his whole body trembling. He watches as Victor backs up towards the door.

"I can't...I'm sorry." Victor whispers, not meeting his eyes as he turns around and walksout the door.

Benji stands frozen, eyes locked on the door that Victor just walked out of...feeling broken, devastated, and numb.

~

** VICTOR POV: **

Victor practically bolted out of the bathroom and as far away from it as he could. Once a safe distance away, he nearly collapsed against the closest wall he could find, his mind reeling from what had just taken place.

_ Benji forgave him. He apologized. He begged him not to leave, told him that he needed him. He kissed him. _

Victor couldn't even begin to explain how much he needed to hear those words from Benji. But hearing them did little to ease the ache in Victor's chest.

_ Benji was still in a relationship with Derek, and didn't seem to have any intentions of breaking it off. _

And Victor could not resign himself to being second in Benji's life...not when Benji was his _everything_.

He wanted to believe Benji's words, he wanted to pull him into his arms and never let him go...but he couldn't do that to himself. He needed to be strong.

Victor thought that them talking would resolve everything and leave them in the position to get back to a better place, but once again they were stuck at a standstill...

_ And Victor was at a loss for what to do to fix it, or even if it could be fixed. _

Victor shakes himself from his thoughts, getting himself together as much as possible before heading back towards the gymnasium to find Mia.

He'd come to this dance for her in the first place, and then he'd disappeared. He needed to find her and make sure she was atleast having a nice time.

And by default, maybe he'd even have a nice time.---he knew that was unlikely, given the new developments in his situation with Benji---

Victor walks into the gymnasium, eyes scanning around the crowd for any sign of his bestfriend. He finally spots her near the dance floor, her dress illuminated by the lights making her look like a disco ball.

He forces a smile, walking towards her.

She turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow, "I was looking for you! You just disappeared."

"Yeah...sorry about that." 

Mia furrows her eyebrows, "Hey, are you okay? You seem upset."

Victor's smile widens almost painfully, "Yeah, I'm _great_."

Mia looks unconvinced, grabbing Victor's arm and dragging him away to a quiet corner out of the earshot of the crowd.

She turns to face him, crossing her arms over her chest, "Okay, what is going on with you. And _don't_ lie to me because I know when something is bothering you."

Victor sighs, "I talked to Benji."

Mia's eyes widen, "You did?! That's...that's _great_ Victor! Did he read your letter?"

"Yeah...he did. He forgave me, and he apologized too." He says, voice quiet and frown deepening.

She frowns, "That's _great_! So why are you upset?"

"Because we got into another fight." He admits, and Mia sighs.

"Victor...what happened?" She asks softly, resting a hand on his arm.

Victor takes a moment to collect his thoughts, before filling her in on the entire conversation. He tells her about the conversation about Derek, and how she'd been right in her observation. He tells her about how they'd ended up both pouring their hearts out to eachother but still ended up back at square one, and then tells her about the _kiss_.

_And fuck...that kiss was electric, was beautiful and painful and Victor wanted to kiss back. Wanted to pull Benji impossibly closer...wanted to keep his familiar warmth close to him, but he couldn't._

"Shit, Victor...I'm sorry. This situation just sucks." She says sympathetically.

He laughs sadly, "You're telling _me_."

"So what are you going to do?" She asks, and Victor shrugs.

"I don't think there's anything I _can_ do, honestly. I've laid all my feelings out on the table. It's Benji who needs to figure out what _he_ wants." Victor explains.

Mia hums, looking over towards the punch bowl where Benji is standing beside Derek...Derek talking to him but Benji's gaze focused on where she and Victor stood.

"I think he _knows_ what he wants...he just needs to catch up." She says more to herself, locking eyes with Benji and giving him a _look_.

Benji averts his gaze back to Derek, pretending to be interested in the conversation but eyes distant.

Mia is about to speak up again when the music lowers and someone taps the microphone, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Okay everyone! We're going to slow things down a bit. Grab that _special_ _someone_ and make your way to the dance floor!" The DJ announces, the lights dimming.

Mia watches as Benji and Derek appear to go at it, Derek making a resigned face before allowing Benji to pull him onto the dance floor.

She turns to look at Victor, smiling and offering her hand, "Dance with me?"

Victor hesitates for a moment before smiling, reaching out to grab her hand. Mia pulls him onto the dance floor in the line of sight of Benji and Derek.

She knows that her plan could either work or fail miserably, but she's going to try either way.

Everyone stand around while they wait for the music to start. After a few moments, a beautiful, slow ballad fades in through the speakers...a beautiful guitar melody.

Victor smiles at Mia, grabbing her one hand and resting the other on her back...gently swaying to the music.

He gets lost in the beautiful introduction to the song, but feels his heart sink when the lyrics start.

_ I wanna feel your touch _

_ It's burning me like an ember _

Victor is instantly hit with a wave of deja vú, his entire world tilting on its axis. His eyes dart around the dance floor, until they lock on Benji's...who is already looking at him.

_ Pretending is not enough _

_ I wanna feel us together _

_ So I'm giving in _

The band singing is suddenly no longer singing, and Victor can hear Benji's soothing singing voice.

_ He's suddenly no longer in the gymnasium, but back on his bedroom floor in Texas, back against the wall and tears streaming down his face...listening to his parents arguing down the hallway. _

_ And then that soothing voice echoes in his mind, instantly grounding him. He clings to it. _

Victor shakes himself from his thoughts, and he's back at the Spring Fling, eyes still locked on where Benji is in Derek's arms...swaying to the music.

And Benji's eyes look far-off and distant too, as if he'd slipped into the same memory that Victor had. One of their earliest memories together.

_ The moment that Victor fell in love with the voice of the faceless boy inside his mind. _

_ So I'm giving in _

_ To the trouble I'm in _

_ So I'm giving in _

_ To the trouble I'm in _

_ To the trouble I'm in _

Victor pulls Mia closer instinctively, resting his head on top of hers to try and ground himself with her comforting presence.

He looks back up to meet Benji's now tear-filled eyes, and feels tears of his own spring into his eyes.

_ You are you are, my favorite medicine _

_ You are you are, you're where the edge began _

_ You are you are, just one last time again _

_ You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in _

Victor is suddenly hit with an overwhelming wave of emotions...years worth of memories flooding into his mind like a tidal wave.

_Hazy, distant images. Blurred arrays of colors. Unfamiliar faces...voices. Basketball games. concussions. a warm phantom presence, a soothing voice. late night walks and talks. scenic tours. funny telepathic commentary. car accidents. phantom touches._

It all comes rushing back to him...his entire life. The entire life that he'd experienced _with_ Benji...through Benji's eyes and vice-versa.

And from the look on Benji's face...he'd been experiencing the same thing.

_ You are the trouble I'm in _

_ You are the trouble I'm in _

_ You are you are, my favorite medicine _

_ You are you are, you're where the edge began _

_ You are you are, just one last time again _

_ You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in... _

As the song fades out and Victor comes back to reality, he spares another glance towards Benji, who's completely focused on Derek.

And then Derek leans down to connect their lips together, and Victor immediately averts his gaze, his heart shattering.

_ Right...Benji was with Derek. He loves Derek.  _

_ He must've just imagined that moment between them. _

He slowly backs away from Mia, who gives him a concerned look, "Victor?"

"I-I just need some air." He stutters out, stumbling backwards and turning around to quickly make his way out of the gymnasium.

When he get into the hallway he immediately leans against the lockers, resting his head against them and closing his eyes...tears falling down his cheeks.

_ How could he have been so stupid? Why would he ever think that Benji would choose him? _

Victor is so lost in his thoughts that he doesnt even hear footsteps coming from behind him in the hallway.

"Victor?" 


	23. The Boiling Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the intense moment he'd shared with Benji during the slow dance, Victor runs from the dance. Mia goes after him to try and comfort him, but what happens when someone else also followed after them...overhearing their conversation. Will Benji opening up to Victor be enough to convince Victor that they aren't gone forever? And what happens when another interruption sends everything spiraling even more?

** VICTOR/ALTERNATING POV: **

"Victor?" 

He freezes when he hears the voice come from behind him. He doesn't even try to register who the muffled voice belongs to, instead pushing himself away from the lockers and continuing down the hallway.

"Victor, hey...stop!" The voice calls out again, and it starts to register who it belongs to... _Mia_.

Mia jogs to catch up to him, running in front of him and stopping him.

She bends over slightly, trying to catch her breath, "Jesus, Victor...cut a girl a break? Running in heels is _not_ easy."

Victor stays silent, feeling guilty for making Mia chase after him. She shouldn't have to be dragged into his problems...to worry about him. Not when she has her own problems to deal with.

_It seemed he had a habit of dragging people down with him, and he hated himself for it._

Mia frowns, "Victor...what's wrong? Why did you run out like that?"

He shakes his head, closing his eyes tightly and dropping his head.

" _Hey_...talk to me." She says softly, resting a hand against his arm.

Victor clears his throat, "That song..." 

Mia furrows her eyebrows, "What about it?"

He's silent for a moment, finally looking up to meet Mia's worried gaze, "A year before I moved from Texas, one night at family dinner...my parents dropped the bombshell that we'd be moving to Atlanta..." 

Mia stays silent, giving him a patient look, "It caused probably one of the worst fights my family's ever had. It was... _bad_. And I barely made it to my room before I was breaking down."

"I could hear my parents fighting all the way from my bedroom..." he continues, taking a breath, "And then...I heard this voice in my mind singing..."

Mia's eyes widened in realization as she connects the pieces together, "Benji..."

Victor nods slowly, frowning, "He was playing guitar, and singing that song. It was so beautiful and...God, Mia...I think that's when I fell in love with him No...I _know_ that's when I did."

Mia frowns, "Victor..."

"I haven't heard that song since then, and when I heard it playing now, I-" his voice cracks, "All of the memories came flooding back to me. A _lifetime_ full of memories that we'd shared _together_..."

He bites on his lower lip to fight off the tears threatening to fall, "I remembered all of it. I thought about how I might _lose_ it. And then I looked at Benji and...it looked like he did too. I thought he felt what I was feeling, but..." he voice fades off, and he looks down.

Mia squeezes Victor's arm, thumb rubbing up and down comfortingly, "How do you know that he didn't?"

Victor is about to speak up again when a voice interrupts from behind him.

"I did." 

His eyes widen, head immediately shooting up to look at Mia, face silently questioning ' _Is he right behind me?_ ' She nods.

Mia gives Victor a sympathetic look, squeezing his arm one more time before dropping her hand down to her side, "I'm going to let you guys talk."

She walks past Victor and down the hallway back towards the gymnasium. She gives Benji a small encouraging smile as she passes him.

She disappears back into the dance, leaving Benji and Victor alone...the air in the hallway suddenly thick and tense.

Victor is still frozen in his spot, back turned to Benji. 

"How much of that did you hear?" Victor asks quietly.

Benji sighs, "All of it."

Victor curses under his breath, slowly turning around to meet Benji's eyes.

"You weren't supposed to hear that...I-" He starts, but Benji cuts him off.

"Victor, even if I didn't hear it...that wouldn't change the fact that you're _right_." 

Victor sighs, "Benji..."

"I know that no matter what I say, you are still going to doubt that I'm telling you the truth. But I wouldn't lie to you, Victor... _especially_ not about _this_." He says, and Victor can hear and honestly and sincerity in his voice...but the doubt still lingers in his mind.

Benji must pick up on Victor's emotional turmoil, so he keeps talking.

"Did I ever tell you about the first time that I heard that song?" He asks, and Victor shakes his head slowly.

_ He isn't sure that he and Benji ever talked about what happened between them that night---the song, the walk through Texas, watching the sunset together and talking about the future. Victor remembered all of it, but he didn't know if Benji did...or what he was even feeling on his side--- _

Benji is silent for a moment, "It was actually during those few years that we didn't talk." he starts, and Victor frowns.

He remembered those years all too well. Victor had only talked to Benji one time---the night of his basketball injury---and yet he'd felt like a piece of him was missing as the years passed by and there was nothing but silence and the occasional voices or faint images in passing.

Victor started to think that it was maybe all in his head...some twisted way of convincing himself that he wasn't as alone as he felt. But then he kept replaying the interaction in his mind...and a part of him couldnt stop from believing it was real.

Which led to a lot of depressing, self-deprecating thoughts...leading him to wonder if Benji had shut him out for good, and if it was his fault.

_ It was a strange few years, being upset about losing something he wasn't sure he ever had.  _

Benji cuts through Victor's thoughts, "I know that I was the one who put a wall down between us. I'm not sure how or why...but I did. And without knowing that...I was wondering if _you'd_ disappeared for good. And even if we'd talked one time...It felt like I lost a part of myself."

Victor's eyes widen. _Benji had felt the exact same way that Victor did. He didn't shut him out intentionally, and he'd missed him._

"I told you that things were really hard those few years, and it was true. Things were _rough_. I struggled a lot with my sexuality, my self-worth, the constant judgement from my parents...I was depressed, and _lost_..." He explains, a far-off and sad look in his eyes.

Victor fights the urge to walk closer to him and comfort him. Instead he stays rooted, silently listening as Benji fills in all of the blanks that had lingered in his mind for years.

It was only after Benji's car accident that he'd realized Benji was hurting at all...but he'd never known the full extent of which he was.

_ And it killed Victor that he hadn't been able to be there for him. _

"And one night, my thoughts got... _really ugly_. I wasn't drinking at that point so my escape was music. And as I was listening, desperately wanting to reach out to you but unsure of whether or not I _could_ , that song came on..." Benji says.

A small smile appears on his lips, "And it made me think of you. The faceless boy that existed only in my mind, that somehow saved me from myself..." he pauses, laughing softly, "And I took it as a sign that maybe you weren't gone forever."

Victor bites back the smile threatening to appear on his face, a blush settling on his cheeks.

"So I kept listening to it...for all of those years until _that_ _night_." He adds.

Victor immediately knows what night he was talking about, and he's not sure what Benji is going to say about it.

He wrings his hands nervously, and Victor knows thats a sign that Benji's about to be vulnerable with him, "That night...things got really bad with my parents. They were fighting...about _me_. I wanted to drink so bad...I was so close to, but instead I hid away in my room with my guitar to escape it."

"And then out of nowhere...that familiar warmth settled inside of me and you were _back_ , and I was so happy. And then I saw what happened with your family and realized that we'd both been suffering alone for all of those years..." Benji explains, a sad look on his face.

Victor chews the inside of his cheek, wanting to say something but wanting to hear what Benji was going to say.

_ He needed to know that he remembered, that that night affected him just as much as it did Victor. _

Benji sighs, "I decided to sing that song as a sign to you that I was there. Hoping the lyrics would convey how I _felt_..."

Victor nods, the words _they did_ stuck in his throat.

"I _need_ you to believe me when I tell you that I remember all of it, Victor. Every _detail_ of that night...I remember feeling every feeling you felt, I remembered our walk through Texas, I remember talking about us and the future...and watching that sunset with you. God...I remember _every freaking shade_ of orange and yellow and red in that sunset..." he affirms with a smile, "And I remember our _promise_."

Victor's heart is racing rapidly in his chest at Benji's words.

_ He remembered it.  _

"We promised to talk again. To keep talking." Benji finishes off, his eyes open and honest and full of emotion.

Victor looks up to meet Benji's eyes as his well up with tears. He can see Benji's starting to shine with unshed tears also.

"You...you _did_ feel what I felt." Victor breathes out, voice rough with emotion.

Benji lets out a breath of relief, closing his eyes and nodding his head.

"I did."

Victor laughs wetly, a tear falling down his cheek.

Benji takes a step forward, "Victor...that's when I fell in love with you, too." he confesses, and Victor gasps.

He opens his mouth to reply but the words are caught in his throat.

"Victor...the best part of me, the _only_ part of me that I like. Is you. And I..." he pauses, "I can't lose you." he confesses, quoting Victor's words from that night in Willacoochie.

Victor is about to respond when a voice cuts in from behind Benji, "What?"

_ Oh shit. Derek. Derek heard their conversation. _

_ This was not going to end well. _

Benji's eyes widen and he spins around, "Derek, I can explain-"

Derek narrows his eyes, "I sure hope you can explain to me why _my_ boyfriend is telling another guy that he can't lose him." he snaps.

Benji flinches back at his anger, and Victor lets out a quiet breath of relief that Derek hadn't heard the entire conversation.

_ That would not have went over well. _

Derek's eyes narrow, darting between the two of them, "Have you...have you been _cheating_ on me? Is that what _this_ is?"

Benji's eyes widen in shock, and he goes to deny it when Derek cuts him off.

"That's why you've been so distant since our anniversary, right? That's why you've been avoiding me." Derek accuses, voice low but seething.

Benji stumbles over his words as he tries to explain himself, "So this whole time that you've been ignoring me...ignoring my calls and texts...you were hooking up with him?" 

Victor senses Benji's panic, immediately stepping in to his defense, "Derek...that isn't it at all! It was just one kiss."

Derek sets his jaw, raising his eyebrows, "What _kiss_?"

Victor's eyes widen, " _Shit_..." he mutters under his breath, averting his gaze to the ground.

_ Benji never told Derek about the kiss that happened between them in Willacoochie. Shit...Victor just messed everything up. _

_ Wait...why hadn't he told Derek about the kiss?  _

Derek shifts his gaze over towards Benji, clenching his jaw, "A _kiss_? You never told me about a _kiss_ , Benji."

"Derek, I-" He breathes out, voice quiet.

"So...it's true then. You were still mad over our anniversary, so you started hooking up with another guy behind my back." Derek says bitterly, nodding to himself, "And that's why you showed up that night to my house to-" he pauses, "You were trying to rid yourself of your guilt."

Benji shakes his head frantically, "No! Derek, it wasn't like that!" he pleads.

Derek laughs, "Oh yeah? If it wasn't like that then why didn't you tell me, huh?" he demands, crossing his arms over his chest.

Benji falls silent, looking at the ground and folding in on himself. Victor shifts his weight uncomfortably, wishing he was anywhere else but here.

"You didn't tell me because you _wanted_ it to happen. If you regretted it, you wouldn't have hid it." Derek says, voice quieter and slightly pained.

He laughs in disbelief, "I can't _believe_ this. I'm out of here...I'm leaving." 

"Derek, don't. _Please_!" Benji calls out.

Derek immediately goes to storm down the hallway past Benji and Victor. Victor watches as Benji goes to follow after him.

_ That's when it hits him. Benji doesn't want Derek to leave. He doesn't want him to leave because he doesn't want to lose him. He wants to be with Derek. _

The thought of losing Benji again to Derek destroys Victor, but the thought of him being the cause of Benji's unhappiness and pain hurts even more. And that's when Victor makes his decision.

Victor immediately jumps in front of Derek to stop him, holding out his hands in front of him, "Derek, wait! It _wasn't_ his fault! _I_ kissed _him_."

Derek stops...Benji not far behind him. He shoots Victor a glare.

"I kissed him, and he stopped it. He stopped it, and then he distanced himself from me. He switched coffee shops to get away from me so he wouldn't mess up your guy's' relationship..." Victor lies.

_ He knows that Benji left the coffee shop because he felt guilty for what he'd done to Victor while he was in New York, but Derek doesn't need to know that.  _

_ He needs to do anything in his power to fix this for Benji...to fix the problems that he caused. _

" _That's_ how much he cares about _you_ , Derek." Victor adds, the words twisting the knife already in his heart even deeper.

Victor sighs, "So please, don't blame Benji for my stupid mistake. He's... _too_ good a guy to walk away from."

Victor chances a glance over at Benji, who's eyes are wide and face unreadable. He keeps his eyes locked on Benji's this part, hoping they'd convey all the words left unsaid.

_ I'm sorry, Benji. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I love you. _

Instead, he says, "He's thoughtful, and sweet, and... _patient_." he says, laughing softly to himself.

_Fuck...he loved him so much._

If he didn't laugh, he'd probably break down into tears, and he couldn't do that...not here. Not now.

"My point is..." he shifts his gaze back to Derek, "Benji is the best. He's such a great person, and you guys..." he takes a deep breath, "You guys are _great_ together."

Victor has to pauses for a second, those words almost too painful to say. 

"So _please_ , don't let me or my stupid kiss mess that up." 

He sighs, shifting his gaze to Benji's one last time, "I promise to give you space, and to stay out of your way. Starting now." 

Victor watches Benji's face fall, his eyes wide and desperate...pleading for him not to go.

_Stay with me, please._ Benji's voice echoes in his mind.

Victor shoves his hands in his pockets, turning around and walking in the opposite direction of the hallway, not sparing a glance back.

It kills him to walk away from Benji, to think about going on without him or their connection. But he needed to do this for Benji's happiness.

Victor walks through the exit into the courtyard, falling down onto a nearby bench and putting his head into his hands.

He lets out a broken sob, tears falling down his face. 

Victor finally allows his repressed emotions from the day out. He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't feel the familiar warmth of Benji's phantom presence spreading inside of him...his voice echoing in Victor's mind for the first time in weeks.

** Victor... **

~


	24. Hopelessly In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor deals with the aftermath of his confrontation with Benji and Derek in the hallway, and struggles to cope with the idea of losing Benji forever. What happens when Benji opens their connection again, and a shocking event unfolds that leaves Victor with hope for their future? Will Benji and Victor finally be able to reconcile? And will Benji be able to help Victor do one of the hardest things he's ever had to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone so much for your support! I went through a three-month period of self-doubt and no writing, and somehow managed to write this. And now here are...arriving at the end! One more chapter before this comes to a close. Please enjoy, and leave feedback :))

** Victor POV: **

Victor continues to cry silently into his hands until he feels a familiar warmth spreading inside of him, and his eyes widen.

**Victor...** a voice echoes in his mind.

He freezes at the sound of the familiar voice...the voice that he hadn't heard in his mind for weeks...---well, it felt more like an eternity---the rush of emotions from the unexpected appearance all-consuming and almost overwhelming.

"Benji..." Victor breathes out in disbelief.

He'd just given a big speech to Derek in the hallway as a last-ditch effort to save their relationship, before promising to stay out of their way and leaving.

Victor was almost certain that it was what Benji wanted. _So why was Benji opening the connection between them now? And why was he reaching out to Victor?_

He's about to speak up when another voice cuts in.

**So...is what he said true?** _Derek..._

Victor shifts uncomfortably on the bench, debating closing the connection before he listens in on what sounds to be the start of a pretty personal conversation.

He isn't sure that he wants to hear Benji and Derek's reunion. I mean, sure...he'd _basically_ fought for it to happen, but that didn't mean it would hurt any less.

_ Was this going to be like that night in New York again? Did Benji want him to hear this? _

Victor is just about to push down his mental wall when Benji's voice speaks up.

**No. It wasn't.** Benji says.

Victor's eyes widen. 

** Yes, he kissed me. And yes I pushed him away. But...I kissed him back first. And I didn't push him away afterwards, I just told him that I needed some time to figure things out. **

_ What the hell is Benji doing? _

Derek scoffs. **So...you did hook up with someone else, and then you hid it from me because you, what...were trying to get back at me for what happened on our anniversary?**

** No. I hid it from you because I needed time to figure out how I felt...time to accept the truth. **

Victor furrows his eyebrows as he listens in on the conversation. He feels bad for eavesdropping, but can't bring himself to disconnect their connection.

_ He needs to hear what Benji is trying to say. _

**The truth about what?** Derek asks.

**About us.** Benji says. **I thought that you were good for me, Derek. I thought that we were good for eachother...good together. But...things have been off with us for awhile, and both you and I know it.**

_ Holy shit. Was Benji... _

Before Victor could stop himself, and deciding that he's already overstepped a boundary by listening so _what's watching going to do_ , he closes his eyes and focuses on Benji's presence, latching onto it. 

He opens his eyes, seeing the faint image of the hallway in front of him...Derek standing directly across from him. 

** Benji...I don't know what you're talking about. **

Benji sighs, fidgeting his hands nervously. **Derek, I think you do. It's obvious that neither of us are happy in this relationship...we haven't been in a long time.**

Derek shakes his head. **Benji that's not tr-**

**Yes it is, Derek. You're obviously not happy being with me, if your actions are anything to go by. I'm just...not the person that you want to be with. and...** he pauses... **I think I'm starting to realize that you aren't who I want to be with, either.**

**So what are you saying?** Derek asks.

** I'm saying that...I think we need to break up. **

Victor gasps, immediately clasping his hand over his mouth before he makes his presence known.

_ Benji is breaking up with Derek? But...why? Just back in the hallway Victor had watched Benji pleading with Derek, chasing after him when he tried to leave. He saw Benji upset, afraid of losing Derek. _

_ Had he read the entire situation wrong? What would Benji have been so afraid of losing...if not Derek? _

Victor is snapped out of his thoughts by Benji's voice.

**Derek...I've spent years feeling anxious all the time because of the constant condescending judgment from my father. And...I constantly feel that same anxiousness around you. It's like I'm constantly walking on eggshells...trying my best to not do anything that will warrant judgement.**

He pauses. **I try so hard to be the version of myself that you want me to be, but I can't be that person for you.**

Derek clenches his jaw. **So, what...you're breaking up with me...throwing away a year long relationship for him? For some guy you've barely known a few months?**

**I've known him my whole life, Derek.** Benji snaps.

Victor freezes. _Oh shit._

Derek raises an eyebrow, and Victor can feel Benji's panic...his internal turmoil of trying to conjure up an excuse...a correction for his statement that might've just revealed too much.

**I mean, yeah I've only known him for a few months...but I feel like I've known him my whole life.** Benji corrects.

** And no, I'm not breaking up with you for him...I'm doing it for me.  **

Derek steps forward. **C'mon, Benji...you don't mean this. We...we have a connection. We're meant to be together.**

_You don't have a connection like ours._ Victor thinks bitterly.

** No, we're not. I'm sorry, Derek. I really hope that you find the person you're looking for one day.  **

Benji doesn't give him the chance to have the last word, spinning around on his heel and walking in the opposite direction...not sparing a glance back.

The image of the hallway fades to black, and the connection disconnects. Victor slumps back against the bench, mind reeling from what he'd just witnessed.

_ Benji broke up with Derek. They were broken up. _

Victor felt a wave of emotions crash over him at once. _Confusion. Relief. Happiness. Guilt. Hope._

He was relieved that he wouldn't have to watch Benji stay with Derek...that he maybe wouldn't need to stay away from Benji forever. But he also felt _guilty_...guilty that this breakup might've been his fault, guilty that he was happy about it and guilty that he actually felt hopeful.

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't hear the footsteps approaching him...barely registering the presence near him until a voice grabs his attention, "Hey..."

Victor's head immediately snaps up at the sound of Benji's voice...his eyes widening, "Hey..."

Benji shifts his weight, "Is it okay if I..." his voice fades off, him gesturing to the spot next to Victor.

Victor nods slowly, sliding over to put some space between them. 

Benji sits down on the bench, resting his elbows on his legs and wringing his hands together nervously.

After a few moments of tense silence, he says, "We broke up."

Victor nods, "Yeah, I know..."

Benji turns to look at Victor, his eyebrows furrowed together, " _What_? How did you-"

"I overheard it...saw it..." he admits, "Im sorry...I know I shouldn't have been eavesdropping but...you opened the connection and I just...I _needed_ to make sure you were okay." Victor says apologetically.

Benji shakes his head, "Victor, it's okay...you don't have to apologize. I, uh...I opened the connection to check on you too, actually."

Victor's eyes widen, "Oh..."

"Yeah..." Benji breathes out.

Another silence falls between them, and this time Victor is the one to break it, "I don't understand, Benji."

"What?" Benji asks, glancing over at him.

Victor sighs, "I don't understand why you broke up with Derek. I mean...I obviously heard your reasoning but I still don't understand. You guys always looked so _happy_ together. _You_ looked so happy with _him_."

"Looks can be deceiving, Victor." 

"But I...I've only ever seen you guys _happy_ together. I never noticed anything off." Victor counters.

Benji sighs, "That's because I didn't let you notice...I didn't _want_ you to. And that's why I kept the connection closed almost everytime we were together."

Victor furrows his eyebrows as he processes Benji's words.

"Oh...I just always assumed..." his voice fades off.

Benji frowns, glancing over at him, "Assumed what?"

Victor shrugs, shifting in his seat uncomfortably and wringing his hands together in his lap, "I don't know...I just always assumed that you blocked off our connection because you were happy. Because you were realizing that you had everything that you needed and that you..." he pauses, " That you didn't need me anymore."

Benji's frown deepens, a wave of guilt crashing over him. He turns to face Victor, shifting closer, "Victor, no... _God_ , that is so far from the truth."

"So why did you break up with him, then?" He asks quietly.

Benji shrugs, "Honestly...I think it was a long time coming. There were a lot of things that happened between us, a lot of things _off_ about us for a long time, that led to this."

"Oh..." Is all Victor says, falling silent.

Benji spares another glance over at him, and can tell that Victor is holding himself back...hesitating to speak up at ask the questions that he'd undoubtedly had for a long time. And Benji can't help but feel guilty for the role he played in contributing to that hesitance.

He decides to give Victor the explanation that he was silently asking for. 

"He made me feel bad about myself a lot of the time...for the majority of our _relationship_ , actually." Benji explains, looking down at his lap, "He constantly put me down for the stuff I like to do...for being a romantic, just _everything_ that he could find to pick apart...he _did_. It was already bad enough that I had my parents constantly on my case ever since the accident." 

Victor frowns, "I didn't know that...that's really shitty. I'm sorry, Benji."

Benji shrugs, "It's okay."

He shakes his head, "No, Benji...it's _not_. You didn't deserve that...you _don't_ deserve that. But...if things were that bad, why didn't you leave him before?"

"I mean I _considered_ it a few times. But I guess I was just afraid of losing that security of what was safe...that familiarity, y'know? When you have something for so long sometimes..." he pauses, "sometimes its hard to think about _losing_ it." 

Victor nods, "Yeah, I can understand that--- _and trust me, he could. It had been the thought torturing him for weeks_ \---so what changed, then?"

Benji chews on his lower lip, "I, uh...I guess I finally realized that it wasn't Derek that I was afraid of losing, that I should be afraid of losing."

"What?" Victor asks, voice laced with confusion.

Benji looks up to meet Victor's eyes, "Victor...when I got together with Derek...I was in a dark place. You know that, _obviously_. But I don't think I ever really explained it to you before I was practically shutting you out of my life." 

Victor shakes his head, "Benji...you dont have to explain anything."

"Yes I do, Victor. I do...because you thought that me shutting you out was your fault, and it _wasn't_. I just... _need_ to explain it now."

He nods, gesturing for Benji to continue.

Benji shifts closer slightly, "I was in a really dark place before my accident. I was in the insecure, closeted, and Derek was self-confident and out...and I sort of just _latched_ onto that. And then after my accident, when I finally came out and started accepting myself...I jumped headfirst into it without really thinking about it."

Victor stays silent, allowing for Benji to explain all of his thoughts.

"I thought that Derek would make me happy...because he was there through everything, and I thought he pulled me out of the dark. But as time went on...I started to realize that it _wasn't_ Derek who pulled me out of that dark place...who saved me from myself..." his voice fades off.

"It was _you_." he breathes out.

Victor looks at Benji with wide eyes...hope pooling into his stomach.

Benji smiles, "And it suddenly hit me just how _important_ you were to me...how much I needed you. I realized that I couldn't live without you...that if it weren't for you, your unwavering presence inside of me, I probably would've died from in the accident that night..."

Victor flinches at the mention of Benji's accident, the memories of that night and the gut-wrenching fear of losing Benji still too much to bear.

"And that _terrified_ me..." he continues, "So instead of facing the immensity of those feelings head on, I pushed them away and clung onto Derek...but I realize now that I was clinging onto the idea of what him and I could be."

Benji sighs, "I guess it took all of _this_ between us, nearly losing you, for me to realize that he wasn't what I wanted. That he _never_ was."

Victor feels the hopeful feeling inside of him growing stronger.

"Victor...I want to be with someone who loves me for me, every part of me, _unconditionally_. The good and the bad, the ugly and the pretty. Someone who's there through thick-and-thin...through the good moments and the worst moments. I want to be with someone that feels like my other half...who _completes_ me." He affirms, his fierce gaze remaining locked on Victor's.

_ And, Jesus Christ...Victor never got tired of hearing Benji's romantic speeches. He claimed he wasn't good with words or feelings, but Victor could attest to that being a complete lie. _

_ Benji was good with words when it counted. And fuck...he always knew what to say to leave Victor a love-struck mess. _

"Victor...that's _you_. It's _always been_ you." Benji confesses, eyes open and honest...so full of love that it made Victor melt.

He laughs softly, shaking his head, "You're _it_ for me, Victor. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up, but I hope I'm not too late."

Victor smiles softly, shaking his head, No, you aren't. I told you already, Benji...you're _it_ for me, too. I was waiting for you to catch up. I would've _never_ _stopped_ waiting for you."

Benji's eyes well up with tears, "God...I am so _hopelessly_ in love with you...Victor Salazar." he laughs wetly.

Victor laughs, his own tears filling his eyes, "I'm in love with you too, Benji Campbell." 

He slides closer to Benji, reaching up to rest a hand against his cheek...thumb swiping away his tears. Benji closes his eyes, leaning into the touch.

He opens his eyes back up, locking eyes with Victor. His gaze darts down to Victor's lips and then back up. 

Benji leans in, closing the distance between them and pressing their lips together. Victor rests a hand on Benji's knee as he presses their lips more firmly together...his hand going up to cradle Benji's face.

They pull away after a few seconds, foreheads resting together.

"Holy shit..." Victor breathes out breathlessly.

Benji laughs softly, "Yeah..."

Victor pulls away to look into Benji's eyes, reaching up to run a hand through his hair...his hand lingering on Benji's cheek, "I'm glad you caught up."

"I am too." Benji says, closing the distance between them again to connect their lips together. 

The kiss is longer this time, more comfortable...more passionate. The sparks between them are igniting brightly.

When they pull away, they're both grinning, flushed messes. 

Benji pulls away, grabbing Victor's hands in between his own, "Victor...I want you to know that I want this just as much as you do. But...I know that you still aren't out yet, and...I just want to make sure that you're ready for this. It's...not going to be easy."

Victor laughs, "I've spent years being in love with you, Benji...unsure if it would ever go anywhere. If I wanted easy, I wouldn't be here. _This_ is what I want, and I'm ready."

"I'm ready for this, all of this...with you." Victor says, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to his lips.

Benji smiles, "Okay. I believe you."

Victor smiles, their eyes staying locked on eachother's.

He clears his throat, "As much as I would love to sit here and kiss you the entire night...I should probably get inside, just so that Mia doesn't worry too much. And, uh...I think i'm going to cut the night short."

Benji furrows his eyebrows, "Why?"

Victor smiles, "Because there's something that I need to do tonight. I'm...I'm going to come out to my parents."

His eyes widen, "You _are_? Victor...are you sure? Because you don't have to-"

"I'm sure. I've spent so long putting everyone's happiness before my own. I'm tired of being afraid...of hiding."

Benji grins, "I'm _so_ proud of you, Victor."

"Thanks." He says as he stands up, going to walk away. He pauses, turning around to glance at Benji.

"Uh, actually...would you want to come back inside with me? I think I could stay a little while longer." He offers, face hopeful.

Benji nods, standing up, "Yeah, I'd like that."

They fall into step beside eachother, bodies touching shoulder to ankle as they walk back to the school.

Victor freezes, "Oh, and Benji?" 

Benji raises an eyebrow, "Yeah?"

"Could you maybe...be _there_ with me tonight? You know," he pauses, tapping his temple, "for support? I, uh...I _need_ you to be there." he admits shyly.

Benji smiles, "You were there for me, weren't you? Of course i'll be there." he says, tapping his temple.

Victor blushes, turning to continue walking. When they get towards the gymnasium...Victor reaches over to find Benji's hand, lacing their fingers together between them. 

Benji's eyes widen, glancing down at their hands and then back up at Victor, "Victor are you sure about this?"

He squeezes Benji's hand, "I'm sure, Benji."

Benji nods, and they walk back into the gymnasium together hand-in-hand. Victor immediately scans the gymnasium for any sign of his friends, eyes widening and a wide grin appearing on his face when he sees Mia dancing with Andrew.

He nudges Benji, gesturing towards them. Benji smiles softly, pulling Victor over towards them.

Mia perks up when she sees Victor, immediately jogging over to him, "Victor! I was _so_ worried about you! I-" she pauses, glancing down at their joined hands and smirking, "It looks like the two of you worked things out."

Both of the boys blush, averting their gazes, "Yeah, we did." 

"It's about _damn time_ you both got your shit together. You two oblivious idiots were going to be the death of me." Mia teases.

Victor smirks, "It looks like _you_ did too." he teases back, gesturing to Andrew. 

Mia blushes, shoving Victor's shoulder playfully.

Felix walks over to the group, hand interlocked with Lake's, "Victor, man...I've been looking for you all night. Where have you-" he pauses, eyes widening when he sees their interlocked hands, "Oh. _Oh_! So _that_ happened...shocking new development. I'm so happy for you man."

Victor smiles. He glances down at Felix and Lake's interlocked hands and then back up at Felix with a raised eyebrow. Felix sends him a look of ' _I'll explain later_.'

Lake furrows her eyebrows together as she analyzes Benji and Victor, "Wait, wait, _wait_ back up...you guys are like... _together_ now? How could I, the _queen bee_ of Creekwood gossip, miss this development?"

She grins, "You guys are undoubtedly the hottest couple at Creekwood. I am so doing a feature on you guys for Creeksecrets."

Everyone laughs, shaking their heads.

Another slow song comes on, and Victor instantly pulls Benji out onto the dance floor...wanting to make the most of the moment before he went home and did something that could change his life, and the course of their relationship forever.

Pilar finds Victor at the end of the song, telling him that their parents wanted them to get home...claiming they wanted to have a Salazar family meeting.

_ Well...that was never a good sign. _

After bidding Benji farewell with a hug and quick kiss---thankfully out of sight from Pilar---he and Pilar make their way home.

Victor decides that the impromptu Salazar family meeting is the perfect time for him to share his news with his family. Whatever they want to talk about is most likely not going to be good, so why not add more fuel to the dumpster fire disaster that is his family. 

They get home quicker than Victor would've liked, leaving him little to no time to prepare what he was going to say to his parents.

_ He had no time to figure it out once he got home either since his parents had dropped yet another bombshell on them. _

They were separating for an undetermined amount of time while they figured things out. And _shit_...Victor was sure that this was the tether that would cause the already damaged rope holding his family together to snap. 

_ And fuck...there was no way that Victor would be able to come out to them after this. He couldn't risk damaging his family for good. _

**Victor...shit, I'm so sorry...** Benji's voice echoes in his mind.

** I know you wanted to do it tonight...and this sucks.  **

In lieu of an answer, Victor squeezes his hand gently, smiling when he feels Benji's phantom touch settle over his hand...squeezing back.

Victor gets up from the couch, going to walk towards his room when his mother calls out to him.

" _Wait_ , Victor...what did you want to tell us?" She asks.

_ Shit. He was hoping that they'd forgotten. _

He pauses in the doorway to the living room, turning around to look at them, "Oh, uh...nothing. It's _nothing_."

**Victor...it's not nothing. It's everything...it's who you are.** Benji counters.

Victor turns to continue walking towards his room.

** What happened to being tired of hiding, of being afraid? **

** What happened to doing something for you? Victor...you can't let your parents splitting up stop you from being who you are.  **

Victor pauses, Benji's words echoing in his mind. He repeats those words like a mantra, clinging to Benji's warmth inside of him like a lifeline.

_ It's not nothing. It's not nothing. It's not nothing. _

_ It's everything. _

Victor takes a deep breath, turning around to walk back towards his family...pausing in the doorway.

**You can do this, Victor.** Benji encourages him.

He feels Benji's phantom hand find his...interlocking their fingers together. Victor lets Benji's hand ground him.

He clears his throat, grabbing his family's attention, "No... _not_ nothing. Mom, Dad...Pilar," he says...pausing.

** Just two words Victor. Two words and you'll be free. The rest can be figured out later. **

He takes a deep breath, "I'm gay."

He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, feeling lighter than ever. Suddenly he isn't as afraid of his family's reaction, he isn't afraid of what people will think...or the experiences he might have in the future.

All he can focus on is Benji's unwavering presence standing right beside him.

** I'm so proud of you, Victor.  **


	25. Epilogue: A Year Around The Sun With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year has gone by since the the Spring Fling, and so many things had changed for Victor. His family has been healing and are stronger than ever, Victor finally has a stable and reliable friend group, and he's now celebrating one-year together with the love of his life. Benji and Victor celebrate their one year anniversary together, reminisce about the past and look through the sunset into the future...their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone...we're finally at the end of the journey, and I'm actually really sad about it. I've loved writing this story, and getting to share it with all of you. I really hope it touched you as much as it did me. I hope that this epilogue is a good enough conclusion for you all.
> 
> Thank you for all of your support, and I promise more works in the future. :)

EPILOGUE: 

** VICTOR POV: **

_1 YEAR LATER: VICTOR AND BENJI'S ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY_

Victor stands in front of the mirror for what feels like ages, trying on and tossing away endless combinations of outfits as he tries to pick the perfect one for tonight.

_ Tonight...when he'd be going on a date with Benji. _

But he wasn't so on edge because he was going on a date with Benji, I mean...they had been together for a year to date and had been on _countless_ dates together.

_ This was different, because it was their one-year anniversary, and Victor knew that Benji undoubtedly planned the perfect night for them... _

So he just wanted to make sure he looked the part. He never stopped trying to impress Benji, even when he'd been _constantly_ reassured that he was perfect the way he was...and didn't need to try so hard.

Victor finally decides on an outfit---taking Benji's _very_ vague suggestion of casual into consideration---...standing back in front of the mirror to adjust it and give himself a once-over.

Benji insisted that he be the one to plan their one-year anniversary date...using the excuse that he wanted to replace the bad memory from his previous relationship. So of course, Victor agreed.

He knew that Benji would go all-out, if _Trattoria de Benji_ was anything to go by. And if Derek couldn't appreciate how fucking lucky he was to have someone like Benji do something like that for him... _Victor sure as hell would._

Letting Benji plan everything was both a blessing and a curse though, because Benji kept all of the details under lock-and-key...not divulging a single one to Victor.

_ Victor normally hated surprises, had they come from someone else, but Benji was different. _

_ He loved everything about Benji...everything that he did. _

Victor shakes himself out of his thoughts, bringing his focus back onto his reflection in the mirror, continuing to mess with his appearance.

Yeah, he was still overthinking the situation. But he couldn't help it...tonight _needed_ to be perfect.

He and Benji had been through so much to get to this point, so many ups-and-downs, laughs and tears...it had been a rollercoaster ride of a year...of a life-time, honestly. Victor never thought he'd get to have this, _all of this_ with Benji, and at some points he almost lost hope.

_ So much has happened in the year since the Spring Fling. _

It all started that night when Victor came out to his family. It was... _intense_ , to say the least. His parents didn't react badly, per se...but they also weren't _thrilled_ at the prospect of their oldest being gay. They explained to him that they were worried for him, and that they didn't completely understand...but that they loved him no matter what. They promised to try and educate themselves...to understand.

And that's exactly what they did---Maybe Victor had the marriage/family therapy to thank for that, but he appreciated their effort either way---

Speaking of his parents, as explained that night, they _did_ separate for awhile...Victor's father moving into a separate apartment in their building while they went to marriage counseling and worked on repairing their relationship.

They still had family meals together a couple times a week, which thankfully were far-less tense than in the past---his parents even invited Benji to dinner, insisting on wanting to get to know him---

That dinner was awkward at first, given the way his family acted towards Benji at his birthday party, but they all got along pretty quickly.

His parents grew to really like Benji, Adrian practically attached to the hip with him after that night...and even Pilar became friends with him, bonding over their shared love of music.

_ Benji was instantly made a part of the family. _

After that night things finally started falling into place. Benji had finally managed to transfer back to Brasstown...them spending nearly every spare minute both on-and off shift together. They went on countless spontaneous dates together---romantic dinners, movies, skating, road-trips....all of the cheesy rom-com dates you could think of---and fell more in love everyday. 

_If that was even possible._

A few months went by and things were finally looking up for Victor. His friend group had all grown closer...welcoming Benji in with open arms, Victor's parents had gotten back together and his family were stronger than ever, and Victor had the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world.

And now here he was, after being convinced that he'd never have that _great love story_ Simon talked about...that nothing would ever work out for him, about to celebrate his one-year anniversary with Benji.

_ Victor had never been happier in his entire life. _

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Benji's voice echoing through his head.

**Hey handsome. You ready for the most romantic night of your life?** He asks enthusiastically.

Victor laughs, rolling his eyes fondly, "You know, I'd like to _think_ so. But then I look at the mountain of clothes on my bed, and the _unhealthy_ amount of time I spent in front of the mirror...and suddenly I'm not so sure."

Benji laughs. **So, you're overthinking again...**

"Maybe..." Victor says.

** Victor, I've told you so many times, and I'll keep reminding you if I have to...you don't have to try so hard with me. I love you. And you could literally wear anything and I'd still think you were the most beautiful guy I've ever seen.  **

Victor blushes, biting back a smile as he averts his gaze away from the mirror. 

"I love you, too. But you _need_ to stop making me blush before we've even gone out on our date."

Benji laughs. **Okay, okay...fine.**

**I'm going to finish getting ready and then head your way. I should be there soon.**

Victor smiles, "Okay, can't wait. Drive safe."

Benji's connection fades away, and Victor turns around to give himself one more look up-and-down, taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair.

After composing himself as much as possible, he gathers his things and heads out into the living room...preparing for the inevitable teasing from his family that lay ahead.

He smiles at his family in greeting, who all eye him up and let out collective 'awhs.'

"Mi amor, you look _so_ _handsome_!" His mother beams, standing up and walking over to him...resting her hands on his shoulders.

Victor laughs shyly, "Thanks, mami."

Victor's father walks over to them, smiling at Victor, "You look _very_ handsome, flaco."

"I _guess_ you clean up nice." Pilar teases from the couch, and he's silently grateful for her playful banter breaking through the awkwardness of his parents attention.

The honk of a horn from outside grabs Victor's attention, and he smiles, "That's Benji. I should get going."

Victor's mom adjusts his clothes, running a hand through his hair and he tries to pull away from her roaming hands, "Mami, stop it!" he yells, swatting her away.

She puts her hands up in surrender, "Fine, fine.  Lo siento, mi amor." she says apologetically. 

"Do you have everything you need?" She asks, and Victor nods, slipping his jacket over his shoulders.

She smiles, "Okay, good. Have a great time mi amor...tell Benji we said hello, and take pictures."

Victor smiles, "I _will_ , mami. I'll see you guys later."

He sends them all a wave, walking towards the door. He freezes with his hand hovering over the doorknob when his father's voice calls out from the living room. 

"And flaco! Be _safe_!" He says in a tone that leaves little to the imagination.

Victor groans, "Papi, _stop_! None of that." 

_ That is not a conversation he wants to be having with his parents. Not one that he would even need to have by this point, anyway. _

He shakes his head, walking out of the apartment and making his way outside to Benji's car.

~

** ALTERNATING POV: **

Victor smiles when he sees Benji standing outside of his car, leaning against it with his hands in his pockets.

He finds himself breathless as he eyes Benji up-and-down. _He looked fucking amazing_ , as always...and never stopped taking Victor's breath away.

"Hey there, handsome..." Benji says with a soft smile, eyes trailing over Victor's body, "You look amazing."

Victor smiles, "You don't look so bad yourself."

He leans down to press a quick kiss to Benji's lips.

"Are you _sure_ you didn't steal a glimpse at my outfit earlier? I know how you are..." Victor teases with a raised eyebrow.

Benji laughs, "Hey...don't judge me for always wanting to see my beautiful boyfriend. But no...I practiced self-restraint just this once, because of the special occasion."

He turns to face the passenger side door, opening it and gesturing for Victor to climb inside.

"Special occasion, huh?" Victor says fondly.

Benji nods, "Yup. One year around the sun with the love of my life."

And Victor becomes a blushing and stuttering mess again. Benji has the ability to turn him into a puddle of emotions with the simplest words.

Benji closes the door, rounding the car and climbing in on his side, turning to shoot Victor a wide grin, "You ready to go?"

Victor nods, and then they're off...pulling off onto the rode and driving towards the still-unknown destination.

He watches fondly as Benji hums to the quiet music on the radio, intently focused on the road and tapping a gentle rhythm on the steering wheel.

Victor was so proud of him and how much he'd accomplished in the last year. Benji was now officially _two years sober_...had even received a special coin for it at a ceremony at AA. He'd allowed Victor to attend the ceremony, and it was even more special in person than all the times he'd been there in spirit...in Benji's mind.

It was a few months after Spring Fling that Benji's suspension had ended. He passed all of the required tests with flying colors, and it wasn't long before he was getting onto the road again.

That wasn't easy by any means, and he'd had a few incidents with his PTSD...but Victor was there through it all...supporting him, and holding his hand.

_ Watching him now as he drove with such ease and calmness filled Victor with an overwhelming sense of love and pride. _

Victor shakes himself out of his thoughts, "So, am I allowed to know now where we're going?"

Benji shakes his head, eyes still locked on the road, "Nope. It's still a surprise."

He pouts, slouching back in his seat. Benji reaches over to rest his hand on top of Victor's on the center console, interlocking their fingers together.

~

The road continues to stretch out ahead of them seemingly endlessly, and the scenery starts to become more desolate as more time passes.

"We're _almost_ there. Just a few more minutes." Benji announces with a smile.

Before he knows it they are driving into a wooded area, and Victor raises an eyebrow, "Should I be concerned that you're taking me out here to murder me?"

Benji snorts, "Tempting, _really_...but no. We just need to walk awhile to get to where everything is set up." he says as he parks the car, climbing out and rounding the car to meet Victor.

He offers Victor his hand, who immediately grabs it and interlocks their fingers, "I'm getting _major_ serial-killer vibes here, B..." he teases, looking around.

Benji rolls his eyes, "Oh _stop_. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you. Lead the way..." He says with a smile, and they walk side-by-side down a path that leads to an open expanse of land.

They finally reach their destination, and Victor's eyes widen as he takes in the scene in front of him.

There's a blanket set out on the ground near the edge of a wooded-off cliff area that overlooks the skyline of Atlanta. There's a picnic basket laying on the blanket, a vased-rose in the center and led-candles scattered around. Victor shifts his gaze to look around, smiling when he sees the fairy lights dangling from the surrounding trees.

_ Benji did all of this for him.  _

_ Holy shit...he really didn't deserve him.  _

Victor blinks himself back into reality, smiling when he sees Benji now standing in front of him.

He smirks, "Wow, you went all out...you're really trying to wine and dine me...huh, Campbell?" he flirts.

"Well, I can't exactly do that until you're legal, and i'm legal...so for now i'm sparkling grape juice and dining you." he says with a smile.

Victor laughs, "The sentiment is noted. But seriously B this is...it's beautiful." he says, deep emotion in his voice.

"You think so?" He asks, voice unsure. Victor frowns, picking up on the insecurity that he still carried deep down from his relationship with Derek.

_ It killed Victor to think about Benji not being appreciated enough...not being told how amazing he is. That's why Victor tried his hardest to constantly reassure him. _

Victor steps forward, grabbing Benji's hands, "It's _perfect_ , Benji." he leans down to kiss him.

"I can't believe you did all of this for me." Victor says, following Benji over to the blanket and sitting down beside him.

Benji laughs, "Well, I did have to recruit some extra hands to help. Mia and Felix set all of this up while I picked you up."

Victor smiles, "Huh, no wonder they were both avoiding me all day. Felix is _really_ bad at keeping secrets...I should've known something shady was going on."

"I'll have to thank them later for helping with all of this." he adds.

Benji smiles, opening the picnic basket and taking out the prepared food and bottle of sparkling grape juice. Victor smiles when he sees what Benji made.

"Spaghetti and Meatballs?"

Benji shrugs as he plates the food, pouring the drinks into plastic wine glasses, "We all know it's my specialty. And besides...who could resist _meatballs_?"

Victor smirks, "Right... _so_ ugly but _so_ _delicious_." he quotes Benji.

He grins, "Exactly."

Benji hands Victor a glass, raising his own with a cheeky smile on his face, " A toast...to one year around the sun with my soulmate. Here's to hopefully many more."

Victor blushes, tapping his glass against Benji's and sipping the drink.

They fall into a comfortable silence as they eat their food...stealing quick glances at eachother and laughing when they catch the other looking. 

Benji reaches over to swipe sauce off of the side of Victor's lip with his thumb, and Victor turns an even darker shade of red, averting his gaze.

_ It all felt so domestic, so unreal...and Victor still couldn't believe that it was real...that he could actually have this. _

Victor chews his food, looking out at the beautiful view in front of him---and he didn't just mean the array of colors across the sunrise-covered skyline of Atlanta---

"The view from this spot is incredible, B. How did you find it?" he asks, glancing over at him. 

Benji clears his throat, "I actually stumbled across it a few years back. It was when we weren't talking..." he explains, "When things got rough with my parents I would take a drive to escape. And one day I happened to end up here...and I sat up here for hours watching the sunset." he says with a far-off look in his eyes.

"I would come here to think a lot. A lot of the time...I would end up thinking about _you_." he admits with a shy smile.

Victor smiles fondly, "Do you remember what you said to me that night in Texas? When we watched the sunset together?" 

Benji nods, "Yeah...do you ever wonder if maybe...we're all looking at the same sunset? At the same sky and stars?" he quotes.

"And I said...that it makes life seem less lonely, when you look at it like that. Looking at the sunset now...I'm starting to see that it's true."

He pauses, "Life has _always_ felt less lonely with you, B." 

Benji leans in to press a kiss to his lips, hand resting against his cheek, "And it has with you, too...Vic."

Victor leans into the touch, smiling softly.

Their eyes remain locked for a few moments before Benji pulls back, clapping his hands together, "Okay...let me get this cleaned up...I have a few surprises for you."

Benji clears all of the plates and utensils, tossing them into the basket and grabbing something else out before pushing it aside.

He sits down next to Victor, presenting him with a simple square black box. Victor glanced up at Benji for a second, before looking down at it and popping it open.

_ A guitar pick. _

Victor smiles softly, looking up at Benji with a questioning look.

"That is my _first_ guitar pick. It has seen all of the best and worst moments of my life...it's been there through it all. Kind of like you." Benji explains, and Victor's eyes widen.

He pauses, "It's the pick I was playing with the night I sang that song." he adds.

Victor's lip trembles slightly with emotion, and he bites down on it as he looks back down at the guitar pick in his hand in amazement, "B, I-I cant accept this. This guitar pick must mean _everything_ to you."

_ He felt like he was holding such an important piece of Benji's life in his hands...and felt terrified and thrilled at the realization. _

" _You_ mean _everything_ to me, Vic. I told you that I fell in love with you that night, too. And I meant it. I don't need a guitar pick to remember it...all of those memories are safe where they count." He professes, resting a hand over his heart.

_ Fuck...Victor loved him so much. _

"Benji...you _need_ to stop with the romantic speeches before you kill me." Victor laughs wetly, sniffling.

"Thank you." he adds.

Benji reaches over to swipe a tear from under his eye, "Of course. I have _one_ more surprise for you...though."

Victor laughs, "You're _really_ trying to kill me tonight...aren't you? I knew it." 

Benji smirks, shrugging. He stands up from the blanket, walking over to his truck and returning seconds later with his guitar in hand.

Victor raises an eyebrow, "Benji?"

Benji sits in the space across from Victor, grabbing the guitar pick from Victor's hand, "Let's see if this guitar pick still has its magic, huh?"

Victor sits in shock as Benji brings his hands up to rest on the guitar, settling on the opening chord and strumming out the beginnings of a melody.

He immediately recognizes it, and gets choked up as Benji starts singing...their eyes locked on eachother's.

_ I wanna feel your touch _

_ It's burning me like an ember _

_ Pretending is not enough _

_ I wanna feel us together _

_ So I'm giving in _

_ So I'm giving in _

_ To the trouble I'm in _

_ So I'm giving in _

_ To the trouble I'm in _

_ To the trouble I'm in _

He looks up to lock eyes with Victor as he continues to strum away at the guitar.

_ You are you are, my favorite medicine _

_ You are you are, you're where the edge began _

_ You are you are, just one last time again _

_ You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in _

_ You are the trouble I'm in _

_ You are the trouble I'm in _

_ You are you are, my favorite medicine _

_ You are you are, you're where the edge began _

_ You are you are, just one last time again _

_ You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in _

_You are the trouble I'm in..._ his voice fades off, and he smiles.

He barely has time to set his guitar aside before Victor is leaping towards him, tackling him to the ground and pressing their lips together. He brings a hand up to rest against Victor's cheek, the other resting on his lower back.

Their lips move together for a few seconds before they pull away breathlessly, foreheads pressed together.

"I guess it still has the magic, huh?" Benji breathes out.

Victor pulls away to look him in the eyes, running a hand through his hair, "Yeah...and you do, too."

Benji pulls him back into a kiss, them smiling against eachother's lips. Awhile later they lay back on the blanket, Victor's head on Benji's chest...watching the beautiful sunrise setting over Atlanta.

Victor really did get his great love story, and as he laid here...Benji's heartbeat sounding in his ears...he knew he would never give it up.

_ Benji was the best part of him, always was...and always will be. _

FIN.


End file.
